Hot Six

'Good as any,' he said. 'What's on your mind?'

'Carol Zabo.'

'That woman's a nut! She smashed right into me. And then she left the scene.'

'She was nervous.'

'You aren't going to lay one of those PMS excuses on me, are you?'

'Actually, it had to do with her panties.'

Simon rolled his eyes. 'Oh, crap.'

'You see, Carol was coming out of the Frederick's of Hollywood store, and she was flustered because she'd just gotten some sexy panties.'

'Is this going to be embarrassing?'

'Do you get embarrassed easily?'

'What's the point to all this, anyway?'

'I was hoping you'd drop the charges.'

'No way!'

I sat down in the chair by his desk. 'I'd consider it a special favor. Carol's a friend. And I had to talk her off a bridge this morning.'

'Over panties?'

'Just like a man,' I said, eyes narrowed. 'I knew you wouldn't understand.'

'Hey, I'm Mr. Sensitivity. I read The Bridges of Madison County. Twice.'

I gave him a doe-eyed, hopeful look. 'So you'll let her off the hook?'

'How far off the hook do I have to let her?'

'She doesn't want to go to jail. She's worried about the out-in-the-open-bathroom part.'

He bent forward and thunked his head on the desk. 'Why me?'

'You sound like my mother.'

'I'll make sure she doesn't go to jail,' he said. 'But you owe me.'

'I'm not going to have to come over and dress you, am I? I'm not that kind of girl.'

'Live in fear.'

Damn.

I left Simon and went back downstairs. Vinnie was there, but no Moon Man.

'Where is he?' Vinnie wanted to know. 'I thought you said he was here at the back door.'

'He was! I told him to wait on the bench by the docket lieutenant.'

We both looked over at the bench. It was empty.

Andy Diller was working the desk. 'Hey, Andy,' I said. 'Do you know what happened to my skip?'

'Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.'

We canvassed the first floor, but Moon didn't turn up.

'I've gotta get back to the office,' Vinnie said. 'I've got stuff to do.'

Talk to his bookie, play with his gun, shake hands with Mr. Stumpy.

We went out the door together and found Moon standing in the parking lot, watching my car burn. There were a bunch of cops with extinguishers working on it, but things didn't look too hopeful. A fire truck rolled down the street, lights flashing, and pulled through the chain-link gate.

'Hey, man,' Moon said to me. 'Real shame about your car. That's mad crazy, dude.'

'What happened?'

'I was sitting there on the bench waiting for you, and I saw Reefer walk by. You know Reefer? Well, anyway, Reefer just got let out of the tank, and his brother was coming to pick him up. And Reefer said why didn't I come out to say hello to his brother. So I walked out with Reefer, and you know Reefer always has good weed, so one thing led to another, and I thought I'd just relax in your car for a minute and have a smoke. I guess a pod must have jumped, because the next thing your seat was on fire. And then it kind of spread from there. It was glorious until these gentlemen hosed it.'

Glorious. Unh. I wondered if Moon would think it was glorious if I choked him until he was dead.

'I'd like to stay around and toast some marshmallows,' Vinnie said, 'but I need to get back to the office.'

'Yeah, and I'm missing Hollywood Squares,' Moon said. 'We need to conclude our business, dude.'

IT WAS CLOSE to four when I made the final arrangements for the car to get towed away. I'd been able to salvage a tire iron and that was about it. I was outside in the lot, pawing through my shoulder bag for my cell phone, when the black Lincoln pulled up.

'Tough luck with the car,' Mitchell said.

'I'm getting used to it. It happens to me a lot.'

'We've been watching from a distance, and we figure you need a ride.'

'Actually, I just called a friend, and he's going to come pick me up.'

'That's a big fat lie,' Mitchell said. 'You been standing here for an hour and you haven't called anyone. I bet your mother wouldn't like it if she knew you were telling lies.'

'Better than me getting into this car with you,' I said. 'That'd give her a heart attack.'

Mitchell nodded. 'You got a point.' The tinted window slid shut, and the Lincoln rolled out of the lot. I found my phone and called Lula at the office.

'BOY, IF I had a nickel for every car you destroyed I'd be able to retire,' Lula said when she picked me up.

'It wasn't my fault.'

'Hell, it's never your fault. It's one of them karma things. You're a number ten on the Bad-Shit-O-Meter when it comes to cars.'

'I don't suppose you've got any news on Ranger?'

'Only that Vinnie gave the file to Joyce.'

'Was she happy?'

'Had an orgasm right there in the office. Connie and me had to excuse ourselves so we could go throw up.'

Joyce Barnhardt is a fungus. When we were in kindergarten together she used to spit in my milk carton. When we were in high school she started rumors and took secret photos in the girls' locker room. And before the ink had even dried on my marriage certificate I found her bare-assed with my husband (now my ex-husband) on my brand- new dining room table.

Anthrax was too good for Joyce Barnhardt.

'Then a funny thing happened to Joyce's car,' Lula said. 'While she was in the office talking to Vinnie, someone drove a screwdriver into her tire.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Was an act of God,' Lula said, putting her red Firebird in gear and punching on the sound system, which could shake the fillings out of your teeth.

She took North Clinton to Lincoln and then Chambers. When she dropped me in my lot, there was no sign of Mitchell and Habib.

'You looking for someone?' she wanted to know.

'Two guys in a black Lincoln were following me earlier today, hoping I'd find Ranger for them. I don't see them now.'

'Lot of people looking for Ranger.'

'Do you think he killed Homer Ramos?'

'I could see him killing Ramos, but I can't see him burning down a building. And I can't see him being stupid.'

'Like getting caught on a security camera.'

'Ranger had to know there were security cameras. That building's owned by Alexander Ramos. And Ramos just don't go around leaving the lid off the cookie jar. He had offices in that building. I know on account of I did a house call there once while I was working at my former profession.'

Lula's former profession was being a ho', so I didn't ask for details on the house call.