'I remember you,' the woman said. 'You had your picture in the paper when you burned the funeral home down.'
'It wasn't my fault.'
'It wasn't my fault either,' Grandma said.
I'm Cindy, Carol's sister. I know she's been having a hard time so I called her this morning. Just checking in, you know? And as soon as I heard her I knew something was wrong. She didn't want to talk on the phone, and she was real secretive. So I came over here. I only live two blocks away. She wouldn't answer her door when I knocked, so I went around back and that door was locked, too. And the shades are all drawn. You can't see into the house at all.'
'Maybe she just wants to be alone,' Lula said. 'Maybe she thinks you're nosey.'
'Stick your ear to the window,' Cindy said. Lula put her ear to the front window.
'Listen real close. What do you hear?'
'Uh oh,' Lula said. 'I hear the crinkle of a chip bag. I hear crunching.'
'I'm afraid she's held up another truck!' Cindy said. 'I didn't want to call the police. And I didn't want to call her ex-husband. He's a real jerk. If I'd been married to him, I'd be a little nutty, too. Anyway, I remembered Carol saying how nice you all were, so I thought maybe you could help.'
I rapped on the front door. 'Carol. It's Stephanie Plum. Open the door.'
'Go away.'
'I need to talk to you.'
'I'm busy.'
'She's going to jail,' Cindy wailed. 'She's a habitual offender. They're going to lock her up and throw away the key. She's a chip junky. My sister's an addict!'
'We don't want to get carried away with this,' Lula said. 'Last I looked, Fritos weren't on the list of controlled substances.'
'Maybe we should shoot the lock off the door,' Grandma said.
'Hey, Carol,' I yelled through the door. 'Did you rob another Frito-Lay truck?'
'Don't worry,' Cindy called out. 'We'll get you a good lawyer. Maybe you can plead insanity.'
The door flew open and Carol stood in the doorway, holding a bag of Cheez Doodles. Her hair was smudged with orange doodle dust and stood out from her scalp like an explosion had gone off inside her head. Her mascara was smudged, her lipstick eaten off, replaced with orange doodle stain. She was dressed in a nightgown, sneakers, and a warm-up jacket. Doodle crumbs stuck to the jacket and sparkled in the morning sunlight.
'Whoa,' Lula said. 'It's fright night.'
'What is it with you people?' Carol screeched. 'Don't you have lives? Go away. Can't you see I'm having breakfast?'
'What should we do?' Cindy asked. 'Should we call 911?'
'Forget 911,' Lula said. 'Call an exorcist.'
'What's the deal with the Cheez Doodles?' I asked Carol.
'I slipped. I fell off the wagon.'
'You didn't rob another truck, did you?'
'No.'
'A store?'
'Absolutely not. I paid for these. Okay, maybe a couple bags got stuck in my jacket, but I don't know how that happened. I don't have any memory of it, I swear.'
'You're a nut,' Lula said, prowling through the house, gathering up stashed bags of chips. 'You got no self- control. You need Chips Anonymous.' Lula opened a bag of Doritos and scarfed a few.
Grandma held out a grocery bag. 'I found this in the kitchen. We can put the chips in it and take them with us so she isn't tempted to eat any more.'
'Put the chips in the bag and give them to Cindy,' I told Grandma.
'I thought it might be a good idea if we took them,' Grandma said.
'Yeah,' Lula said. That's a much better idea than making poor Cindy cart them off.'
I wasn't great in the willpower department. Even as I was standing there, I could feel the Cheez Doodles calling my name. I didn't want a whole grocery bag of doodles and chips in the car with me. I didn't want to end up looking like Carol.
'Give all the chips to Cindy,' I said. 'The chips should stay in the family.'
Grandma looked over at Carol. 'Are you gonna be okay if we give her all the chips? You aren't gonna flip out, are you?'
'I'm okay now,' Carol said. 'Actually, I feel kind of sick. I think I'm going to lie down for a while.'
We filled the grocery bag with the remaining chips and left Carol standing at the door, the pallor of her skin looking slightly green under the orange doodle dust. Cindy drove off with the chips. And Grandma and Lula and I stuffed ourselves into the Buick.
'Huh,' Lula said, settling in. 'We could have taken a few bags with us.'
'I had my eye on that bag of barbecue chips.' Grandma said. 'It's gonna be hard for me to keep up my strength without some chips.'
'Uh oh,' Lula said. 'Look at this, a couple of bags of chips somehow got in my big ol' purse… just like what happened to Carol.'
'Chips are devilish like that,' Grandma said.
'Yeah,' Lula said. 'Guess we should eat them so they don't go to waste.'
'How many bags do you have?' I asked her.
'Three. You want one?'
I blew out a sigh, and Lula handed me a bag of Fritos. Not only was I going to eat them… I was secretly glad she snitched them.
'Now what?' Lula wanted to know. 'I'm not going to have to go back to the filing, am I?'
'Sally Sweet's next up,' I said.
'I'm in,' Lula said.
Sally lived on the opposite side of town. By the time we got there, he'd be done with his morning bus run, and it'd be a good time to bring him in and get him rebonded.
I called Morelli on the way over to get a report on Eddie Gazarra.
'He's going to be okay,' Morelli said. 'He'll probably get released from the hospital tomorrow.'
'Anything new going on?'
There was another devil holdup last night. This time the firebomb worked and the store burned down.'
'Anyone hurt?'
'No. It was late at night, and the store was empty. The night manager got out the back door. The word on the street is that the Comstock Street Slayers are bragging about the cop shooting.'
'I didn't realize we had Slayers in Trenton.'
'We've got everything in Trenton.'
'If you rounded up all the Slayers, I might be able to identify the Red Devil,' I said to Morelli.
'To the best of our knowledge there are twenty-eight active
Slayers, and they're about as easy to round up as smoke. And probably the twenty-eight figure is low.'
'Okay, suppose I rode around in their neighborhood, looking for the guy?'
'Honey, even I don't ride around in that neighborhood.'
I disconnected and turned onto Fenton Street. It was easy to find Sally's house. A big yellow school bus was parked at the curb.
I pulled up behind the bus, and we all trooped out.
Sally opened the door with the security chain still in place. I've changed my mind,' he said. 'I don't want to go.'
'You have to go,' I told him. 'It's the law.'
'The law's bogus. I didn't do anything wrong. And now if I go with you I'm going to have to pay more money, right? Vinnie's gonna have to write another bond, right?'
'Uh… yeah.'
