Morelli,' I told Rex. 'I was a guest there. And I'm a guest here.' The fact that Ranger didn't know I was a guest was starting to seem like a technicality. 'Don't worry,' I said. 'I'm going to get our apartment back. All I have to do is find a place for Valerie. And hopefully the Slayer problem will go away.'
I didn't expect Ranger would be home anytime soon, but I wrote a note of explanation, just in case, and propped it on Rex's cage. I closed Rangers front door behind me and remoted it locked. Then I took the stairs, stopping periodically to listen for footfalls, keeping alert for the sound of a fire door opening above or below me.
I cracked the door to the garage and peeked out. Ranger's two cars were still in place. The SUVs had multiplied overnight. There were now four of them parked side by side. No humans walking around, so I scuttled across the garage, opened the gate, and hurried up the street to the truck.
I hauled myself up behind the wheel, locked the doors around me, and sat for a moment in the silence, inhaling the delicious aroma of leather seats and Ranger. I sniffed my arm and groaned. The Ranger smell was coming from me. He'd given me his truck, and I'd moved into his home.
I'd slept in his bed, and I'd showered with his shower gel. I couldn't imagine what would follow if he found out.
Ranger rarely showed emotion. He was more a man of action… throwing people against walls and out windows, never breaking a sweat, his face perfectly composed. Now you've made me mad, he'd calmly say. And then bodies would fly through the air. The bodies always belonged to scumbags who'd done really bad things, so the carnage wasn't totally unjustified. Still, it was a scary and awesome spectacle to watch.
I didn't think Ranger would throw me against a wall or out a window. My fear was more that we'd stop being friends. And there was also a small fear that retribution would be sexual. Ranger would never do anything that wasn't consensual. Problem was, once Ranger truly invaded my space there wasn't a lot I didn't eventually consent to. Ranger was very good in close.
Okay, so what's up for the day? Harold Pancek was my only outstanding case. I needed to work at finding Pancek. Probably I should check up on Carol Cantell. I should stay out of Slayerland. And I needed to find an apartment for Valerie.
A call to Morelli was in the number one slot. 'Hey,' I said when he answered. 'Just wanted to make sure you're okay.'
'Where are you?'
'I'm in the truck on the way to work. Any new damage from the Slayers?'
'No. It was a quiet night… after you left. So what's the deal, are you coming back?'
'No. Never.'
We both knew that was a big fib. I always came back.
'One of these days we should probably grow up,' Morelli said.
'Yeah,' I said, 'but I don't think we should feel rushed into it.'
'I'm thinking I might ask Joyce Earnhardt out on a date.'
Joyce Earnhardt was a total skank and my arch enemy. 'That would be a definite detour off the road to maturity,' I told him.
Morelli gave a snort of laughter and hung up. Half an hour later, I was in the office, and Connie and Lula were standing noses pressed to the front window.
That vehicle sitting at the curb looks like Ranger's personal truck,' Lula said.
'It's a loaner,' I told her.
'Yeah, but it's Ranger's, right?'
'Yep. It's Ranger's.'
'Oh boy,' Connie said.
'No strings attached,' I told them. Lula and Connie smiled. There were always strings attached. They'd plotz if they knew about the Bat Cave. For that matter, I was having a hard time not plotzing when I thought about the Bat Cave.
'Today is Harold Pancek Day,' I said.
'He's a no-brainer,' Connie said. 'I've been checking on him. He works at the multiplex. Shows up every day at two and works until ten. If you can't get him at home, you can get him at work.'
'Have you tried calling him?'
'I reached him once, and he told me he'd come in for rescheduling. He was a no-show on that. And now I get a machine when I call.'
'I vote we get him tonight at the multiplex,' Lula said. 'There's a movie I want to see. It's that one where the world gets blown up and there's only mutants left. I saw the ad on television, and one of those mutants is really fine. We could go to the movie and then snag ol' Harold on the way out.' She was thumbing through the paper on Connie's desk, searching for the entertainment page. 'Here it is. That movie starts at seven thirty.'
The plan had a lot going for it. It would give me the entire day to try to find a place for Valerie. And it would take up some of my night. I didn't want to go back to Ranger's apartment until the building was in low-to-no traffic mode. Plus I'd seen those ads Lula was talking about and the mutant was extremely fine.
'Okey dokey,' I said. 'We'll go tonight. I'll pick you up at six thirty.'
'You're gonna be in the Bat Truck, right?'
It's all I've got.'
'I bet you get a tingle when you sit in it,' Lula said. 'I can't wait. I want to try behind the wheel. I bet you feel like a real badass behind the wheel.'
Mostly I felt like I was wearing someone else's underpants. Considering it was Ranger's underpants (figuratively speaking), the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant.
'What are you doing for the rest of the day?' Lula wanted to know.
I took Connie's paper and turned to real estate. 'I'm looking for an apartment for Valerie. She's not showing a lot of motivation to vacate mine, so I thought I'd help her out.'
'I thought you were all settled in with Morelli,' Lula said. 'Uh oh, is there trouble in paradise?'
I started circling rentals. 'No trouble. I just want my own space back.'
I was concentrating on the paper, not looking up, not wanting to see Lula's and Connie's reactions.
I finished circling, folded the paper, and put it in my shoulder bag. 'I'm taking the back end of your paper,' I said to Connie. 'And there's no trouble.'
'Huh,' Lula said. She leaned forward and sniffed. 'Damned if you don't smell good. You smell just like Ranger.'
'Must be the truck,' I said.
I'd barely gotten out the door when my cell phone rang. 'It's your mother,' my mother said. As if I wouldn't know her voice. 'Everybody's here, and we were wondering if you could stop by for just a second to take a look at some dress colors. We picked out a gown, but we need to make sure it's okay with you.'
'Everybody?'
'Valerie and the wedding planner.'
'The wedding planner? You mean Sally?'
'I never realized he knew so much about fabric and accessorizing,' my mother said.
Grandma Mazur was at the door, waiting for me, when I parked behind the big yellow school bus, in front of my parents' house.
'Now that's a truck,' she said, eyeballing Ranger's Ford. 'I wouldn't mind having a truck like that. I bet it's got leather seats and everything.' She leaned forward and sniffed. 'And don't you smell good. What is that, a new perfume?'
'It's soap. And it won't go away.'
'It smells sort of… sexy.'
Tell me about it. I was in love with myself.
'They're all in the kitchen,' Grandma said. 'If you want to sit you have to bring a chair from the dining room.'
'Not necessary,' I told her. I can't stay long.'
My mother, Valerie, and Sally were having coffee at the kitchen table. There were some fabric samples, next to the coffee cake, and Valerie had a couple pages torn from a magazine in front of her.
