'Sit,' my mother said. 'Bring a chair.'
'Can't. Got things to do.'
Sally handed one of the pages to me. This is a picture of the bridesmaids' dresses. Your dress will be the same, but a different color. I'm still thinking pumpkin.'
'Sure,' I said. 'Pumpkin would be terrific.' Anything would be okay at this point. I didn't want to be a party pooper, but I had other things on my mind.
'What things do you have to do?' Grandma wanted to know.
'Bounty hunter things.'
My mother made the sign of the cross.
'You should see Stephanie's new truck,' Grandma Mazur said. 'It looks like a truck the devil himself would drive.' This got everyone's attention.
'It's a loaner from Ranger,' I said. 'I had some problems with the
Buick, and I haven't got the insurance money from the Escape yet.'
Another sign of the cross from my mother.
'What's sticking out of your bag?' Grandma asked me. 'Looks like the want ads in the paper. Are you looking for a car? I could go with if you're looking for a car. I like cars.'
'I'm not looking for a car today. Val's been too busy with the new baby to look for an apartment, so I thought I'd help her out. I saw a couple places in the paper that looked interesting.'
Valerie reached out and took the paper from my bag. 'No kidding? Wow, that's really nice of you. Is there anything good in here?'
My mother scooted around so she could look at the paper with Valerie.
'Here's one that's a house for rent. And it says it has a Burg location. That would be perfect,' my mother said. The girls could stay in the same school.' She looked over at me. 'Did you call the number? Do you know where this is?'
'I called on the way here. It's a duplex on Moffit Street. The house next to Gino's Tomato Pie. The owner lives in the other half. I told her I'd stop around this morning.'
'I know that house,' Grandma said. 'It's pretty nice. Lois Krishewitz used to own that house. She sold it two years ago when she broke her hip and had to move into assisted living.'
Valerie was on her feet. 'Just give me a minute to get a few things together for the baby, and then we can go look at it. We wanted to buy, but we can't seem to scrape together a down payment. This would give us more space in the meantime.'
'I'll get my purse,' my mother said.
'I'll come, too,' Sally said.
'Then, me too,' Grandma said.
'We can take my bus,' Sally said. 'We'll have more room.'
'This is gonna be cool,' Grandma said, starting for the door. 'We're gonna be just like the Partridge family. Remember when they all traveled around in that bus?'
Don't panic, I told myself. We're just going a short distance. If you sit low in your seat no one will see you.
Valerie had the baby in a carrier on her back and the big patchwork quilt diaper bag over her shoulder. 'Where's my purse?' she asked. 'I need my purse.' Grandma handed Val her purse. And Val draped her big shoulder bag over her free shoulder.
'Jeez, Val,' I said, 'let me give you a hand with some of that.'
Thanks,' she said, 'but I'm balanced this way. I do this all the time.'
I don't mean to sound cynical, but if Val ever needed fast cash we could probably get her a job as a pack animal. She could work alongside the mules that take people into the Grand Canyon.
'I've got my checkbook,' my mother said, closing the door behind us. 'Just in case we like the house.'
Valerie lumbered down the porch steps, followed by Grandma.
'I want the front seat,' Grandma said, hurrying along. 'I don't want to miss anything.'
It was a crisp blue-sky morning, and Sally's big hoop earring gleamed gold in the sunlight as he took the wheel. He was wearing a Buzz Lightyear T-shirt, his usual ratty sneakers, and ripped jeans.
He had a shark tooth necklace around his neck, and the volume of his hair seemed to have increased since I saw him last. He settled little heart-shaped Lolita-type sunglasses on his big hook nose, and he started the bus.
'You gotta turn at the corner,' Grandma told him. Then you go two blocks and make a right.'
Sally took the first corner wide, and Grandma slid off her seat, onto the floor. 'Fuck,' Sally said, looking down at Grandma. Snap.
'Don't worry about me,' Grandma said, righting herself. 'I just didn't remember to hold on. I don't know how all those little kids do it. These seats are slippery.'
'The kids are all over the fucking bus all the time,' Sally said. 'Oh shit.' Snap, snap.
'Sounds like you're having a relapse,' Grandma said to Sally. 'You were doing real good for a while there.'
'I have to concentrate,' Sally told her. 'Its hard to stop doing something that took me years to perfect.'
'I can see that,' Grandma said. 'And it's a shame you have to give up something you're so good at.'
'Yeah, but it's for a good cause,' Sally said. It's for the little dudes.'
Sally eased the bus up to the curb in front of the rental house and opened the door with a whoosh of the hydraulic. 'Here we are.' he said. 'Everybody out.'
I tagged along after my mother, Grandma Mazur, Valerie and the baby, and Sally as they all hustled up to the front porch. My mother knocked on the landlords door, and everyone quieted down for a moment. My mother knocked a second time. Still, no one opened the door.
'That's odd,' Grandma said. 'I thought she was supposed to be home.'
Sally put his ear to the door. 'I think I hear someone breathing in there.'
Probably she was on the floor, having a coronary. A herd of lunatics just got out of a big yellow school bus and descended on her porch. 'You better open up if you're in there,' Grandma yelled. 'We got a bounty hunter out here.'
The door cracked open, the security chain in place. 'Edna? Is that you?' the woman asked.
Grandma Mazur squinted at the eyes behind the door. 'Yep, it's me,' she said. 'Who are you?'
'Esther Hamish. I always sit by you at bingo.'
'Esther Hamish!' Grandma said. 'I didn't know you were the one who bought this house.'
'Yep,' Esther said. 'I had some money socked away from Harry's insurance policy, God bless him, may he rest in peace.' Everyone made the sign of the cross. Rest in peace, we all said.
'Well, we come to see about the rental,' Grandma told Esther. 'This here's my granddaughter. She's looking for a place.'
'How nice,' Esther said. 'Let me get the key. You had me going for a minute there. I've never had a school bus park in front of my house before.'
'Yeah,' Grandma said. 'It's new to us, too, but we're getting used to it. I like that it's a nice cheery yellow. Its a real happy color.'
'Problem is, it blocks the view of the street. Of course I guess it could be worse. We could have our view blocked by one of those vans that carries aliens around. I was listening to news on the radio, and they said a bunch of aliens were found dead from heatstroke in one of them vans yesterday. Imagine that. Here these poor creatures travel through space to get to us, all those light years and galaxies away, and then they die from heat stroke in a van.'
'What a shame,' Esther said.
'I'm just glad it wasn't in front of my house,' Grandma said. I'd feel terrible if I had to find ET dead in a van.'
Seven
