My cell phone chirped, and everyone paused while I answered.
'Are you having fun yet?' Morelli wanted to know.
'Yeah. I just got to my parents' house and it's lots of fun. Too bad you're missing it.'
'Bad news. You're going to have to miss it, too. One of the guys just brought in a suspect, and you're going to have to ID him.'
'Now?'
'Yeah. Now. Do you need a ride?'
'No. I'll borrow the Buick.'
When my Great Uncle Sandor went into the nursing home, he gave his '53 powder blue-and-white Buick Roadmaster to Grandma Mazur. Since Grandma Mazur doesn't drive (at least not legally), the car mostly sits in my father's garage. It gets five miles to a gallon of gas. It drives like a refrigerator on wheels. And it doesn't fit my self-image. I see myself more as a Lexus SC430. My budget sees me as a secondhand Honda Civic. My bank was willing to stretch to a Ford Escape.
That was Joe,' I told everyone. 'I have to meet him at the police station. They think they might have the guy who set fire to my car.'
'Will you be back for the chicken?' my mother wanted to know.
'And what about dessert?'
'Don't wait dinner. I'll get back if I can, and if not I'll take leftovers.' I turned to Grandma. 'I'm going to have to commandeer the Buick until I can replace the Escape.'
'Help yourself,' Grandma said. 'And I'll ride with you to the police station. I could use to get out of the house. And on the way home we could stop at Stiva's to see if they got the lid up for the evening viewing. I'd hate to miss out on seeing Lorraine.'
Twenty minutes later, Grandma and I cruised into the public parking lot across the street from the cop shop. The Trenton police are housed in a no-nonsense chunk of brick and mortar in a no nonsense part of town that gives the cops easy access to crime. The building is half cop shop and half courthouse. The courthouse half has a guard and a metal detector. The cop half has an elevator decorated with bullet holes.
I looked at Grandmas big black patent leather purse. Grandma was known to, from time to time, carry a.45 long barrel. 'You don't have a gun in there, do you?' I asked.
'Who, me?'
If they catch you taking a concealed weapon into the building they'll lock you up and throw the key away.'
'How would they know I got a concealed weapon if it's concealed? They better not search me. I'm an old lady. I got certain rights.'
'Carrying a concealed weapon isn't one of them.'
Grandma pulled the gun out of her purse and shoved it under her seat. 'I don't know what this country's coming to when an old lady can't keep a gun in her purse. We got a rule for everything these days. What about the bill of health? It says I can bear arms!'
'That's the Bill of Rights, and I don't think it specifically addresses guns in purses.' I locked the Buick and called Joe on my cell. 'I'm across the street,' I told him. 'And I've got Grandma with me.'
'She isn't armed, is she?'
'Not anymore.'
I could feel Joe smile across the phone line. 'I'll meet you downstairs.'
Civilian traffic in the building was minimal at this time of day.
The courts were closed, and police business was shifting from front-door inquiries to back-door arrests. A lone cop sat in a bulletproof cage at the end of the hall, struggling to stay awake on his shift.
Morelli stepped out of the elevator just as Grandma and I swung through the front-entrance doors.
Grandma looked at Morelli and gave a snort. 'He's wearing a gun,' she said.
'He's a cop.'
'Maybe I should be a cop,' Grandma said. 'Do you think I'm too short?'
Thirty minutes later, Grandma and I were back in the Buick.
'That didn't take long,' Grandma said. 'I hardly had a chance to look around.'
'I couldn't make an ID. They picked up a guy who was carrying the backpack, but it wasn't the guy who ran out of the store. He said he found the backpack discarded in an alley.'
'Bummer. This doesn't mean we're going to have to go back to the house, does it? I can't take any more of the galloping and the baby talk.'
'Valerie talks baby talk to the baby?'
'No, she talks it to Kloughn. I don't like to make judgments on people, but after a couple hours of listening to 'honey pie smoochie bear cuddle umpkins' I'm ready to smack someone.'
Okay, so I was glad I'd never been there when Valerie called Kloughn cuddle umpkins because I would have wanted to smack someone, too. And my self-restraint isn't as well honed as Grandma's.
'It's too early to go to the viewing,' I said to Grandma. 'I guess I could stop in on Sally Sweet. He turned up Failure To Appear today on an assault charge.'
'No kidding? I remember him. He was a nice young man. Sometimes he was a nice young woman. He had a plaid skirt I always admired.'
I pulled out of the lot, right-turned onto North Clinton, and followed the road for almost a quarter mile. At one time in Trenton's history this was a thriving industrial area. The industry had all vacated or drastically downsized and the rotting carcasses of factories and warehouses produced an ambience similar to what you might find in postwar Bosnia.
I left Clinton and wove my way through a neighborhood of small bleak single-story row houses. Originally designed to contain the factory workers, the row houses were now occupied by hardworking people who lived one step above welfare… plus there were a few oddballs like Sally Sweet.
I found Fenton and parked in front of Sweets house. 'Wait in the car until I find out what's going on,' I said to Grandma.
'Sure,' Grandma said, her hands gripping her purse in excited anticipation, her eyes glued to Sweet's front door. The Buick was a car designed for a man, and Grandma seemed swallowed up by the monster. Her feet barely touched the floor, her face was barely visible over the dash. A timid woman might feel overwhelmed by Big Blue. Grandma was a little shrunken, but she wasn't timid, and there wasn't a whole lot that overwhelmed Grandma. Thirty seconds after Grandma agreed to wait in the car, she was on the sidewalk, following me to Sweets front door.
'I thought you were going to wait in the car?' I said.
'I changed my mind. I thought you might need help.'
'Okay, but let me do the talking. I don't want to alarm him.'
'Sure,' Grandma said.
I knocked on Sweets front door, and the door opened on the third knock. Sally Sweet looked out at me, recognition kicked in, and his face creased into a grin. 'Long time no see,' he said. 'What brings you to my casa?'
'We're here to drag your behind back to jail,' Grandma said.
'Fuck,' Sally said. And he slammed the door shut.
'What was that?' I asked Grandma.
'I don't know. It just popped out.'
I gave another rap on the door, 'Open the door,' I said. 'I just want to talk to you.'
Sally cracked the door and peeked at me. 'I can't go to jail. I'll lose my job.'
'Maybe I can help.'
The door opened wide, Sally stepped to the side to allow us entry, and I gave Grandma a warning glare.
'My mouth is zipped,' she said, making a zipping gesture. 'And look, I'm locking the zipper and throwing away the key. See me throw away the key?'
Sally and I stared at Grandma.
'Mmmmf, mmmf, mmf,' Grandma said.
'So what's new?' I asked Sally.
'I get band gigs on weekends,' he said. 'Weekdays I drive a school bus. It's not like the glory days when I was
