'You're not accused yet,' Morelli said. 'You're only under suspicion.'
I hung up, stuffed my feet into the shearling boots, and pulled a hooded fleece sweatshirt over my head. I liked Morelli's house better than my apartment, but all my clothes and makeup and hair things were here. When Morelli spent the night with me, he borrowed my razor, used whatever soap was in the bathroom, and re-dressed in the clothes that had hit the floor the night before. He kept some underwear and socks here, and that was it. When I stayed with Morelli, it was a whole production.
I polished off the Mac and cheese and washed it down with a beer. I was now warm inside and out, and no longer cared so much about the Dickie issue.
I'd dropped a cheesy macaroni into Rex's food cup, and he was busy stuffing it into his cheeks. His whiskers were whirring and his tiny black eyes were bright.
'Time to go get a Diggery,' I said to Rex. 'Now that I'm full of Mac and cheese, I can do anything-leap tall buildings in a single bound, stop a speeding locomotive, get a bikini wax.'
Rex flicked a glance at me and scurried into his soup can.
FIVE
It was mid-afternoon and still gray and drizzly, but the drizzle wasn't freezing on the roads. I thought that was a good sign. I was on my way to the mall in Rangers car and hat, and I was feeling very kick-ass. I was armed with the pepper spray and the stun gun. I had my cuffs. I had my paperwork. I was ready to do a takedown.
I parked at the food court entrance and made a tour of the concessions. Pizza, burgers, ice cream, smoothies, Chinese, cookies, subs, Mexican, sandwiches. I didn't see Diggery. Then I did a fast scan of the tables and spotted him on the far side, against a wall. He was talking to someone, and there were papers spread across the table.
I got a diet soda and found an empty table just behind Diggery. He was busy talking and didn't notice me. He seemed to be filling out some sort of form. He finished the form, gave it to the woman across from him, and she gave him some money and left. A new person immediately sat down and gave Diggery a large yellow envelope.
I wasn't taking any chances with this. I wasn't going to give Diggery an opportunity to bolt and run. I quietly moved to Diggery and clapped a bracelet on his right wrist.
Diggery looked down at the cuff and then up at me. 'Fuck,' Diggery said.
'You need to get re-bonded,' I told him. 'You missed your court date.'
'I'm conducting business now,' Diggery said. 'A little respect, okay? I don't come barging into your office, do I?'
'This isn't an office. It's a food court. What the heck are you doing?'
'He's doing my taxes,' the woman across from him said. 'He does them every year.'
I looked at the woman. 'You let him do your taxes?'
'He's certifiable.'
Couldn't argue with that. 'He's also under arrest,' I told her. 'You're going to have to make other arrangements.'
'What arrangements? I can't do these forms. I can't figure them out.'
Four more people came forward. Three men and a woman.
'What's going on?' one of the men asked. 'What's the holdup?'
'Simon has to leave now,' I told him.
'No way. I've been waiting for an hour, and I'm next in line. You want a piece of Simon, take a number.'
'Get up,' I said to Diggery.
'It’s gonna get ugly,' he said. 'You don’t want to piss off Oscar over there. He don't got a lot of patience, and he's missing his afternoon TV shows to do this.'
'I can't believe you're doing taxes.'
'It was just one of them things that mushroomed. Not that it should be so surprising since I have a very strong entrepreneurial side to me.'
I looked at my watch. 'If we hustle, I can get you bonded out today, and you can be back here in a couple hours.'
'I'm not waiting no more couple hours,' Oscar said, giving me a shot to the shoulder that knocked me into the woman behind me.
I took the stun gun out of my coat pocket. 'Back off,' I said to Oscar.
'Simon is in violation of his bond, and he needs to go with me.'
'I've got one of those too,' the woman behind me said. And ZINNNNG.
When I came around, I was on my back on the floor, and I was looking at the rent-a-cop from the lingerie trip with Grandma.
'Are you okay?' he said. 'Did you have a spell? Can you get a flashback from a stun gun?'
'It's my life,' I said to him. 'It's complicated.'
He dragged me up and set me in a chair. 'Do you want water or something?'
'Yeah, water would be good.'
By the time he came with the water, the clanging in my head had almost completely stopped. I sipped the water and looked around. No Diggery. His clients were gone too.
No doubt moved on to a taco stand or gas station. I was missing my cuffs and stun gun. I was probably lucky they hadn't taken my shoes and my watch.
I retreated to the parking lot, and carefully maneuvered the car onto the highway. I drove on autopilot and suddenly realized I was stopped in front of my parents' house. I checked to make sure I was no longer drooling, then went into the house. My dad was in front of the television, sound asleep with the paper draped over his stomach. My mother and grandmother were in the kitchen, cooking.
Grandma was wearing tight black spandex yoga pants and a pink T-shirt that said I'm Sassy, and she'd dyed her hair red. My mother was at the stove, but the ironing board was up, and the iron was plugged in. I suspected it was the red hair that got the iron out.
Since the iron was already out, I decided I'd just jump in. 'So,' I said to Grandma, 'how'd the date go?'
'It was pretty good,' Grandma said. 'The funeral parlor had a new cookie. Chocolate with white chocolate chips. And they did a real good job with Harry Rozinski. You couldn't hardly tell half his nose was eaten away with the skin cancer.'
'Was he wearing jewelry?'
'No. But Lorraine Birnbaum was next door in viewing room #4, and she was all decked out. She was wearing a real nice-looking watch, and they left her wedding band and diamond on her. The diamond was real big too. You probably don't remember Lorraine. She moved away when you were little. She came back to live with her daughter after her husband died last year, but she didn't last too long. Her memorial said she was being buried on Friday.'
'Did Elmer behave himself?'
'Yeah. That was the only disappointment. I was ready to put out, but he got some acid reflux from the cookies and had to go home.'
My mother was at the stove sauteing ground beef for stuffed peppers. She reached for the cupboard where she kept her liquor stash, paused, then pulled herself together and went on with the sauteing.
'Sissy Cramp and I went shopping today,' Grandma said, 'and I got these new clothes and went to the beauty parlor. I thought I should spruce up since Elmer has all that nice black hair. It's a marvel that at his age he hasn't got a gray hair on his head.'
'He hasn't got any hair on his head,' I told Grandma. 'He wears a wig.'
'That would explain a lot of things,' Grandma said.
My mother and I looked at each other and shared a grimace.
'I read somewhere red is the hot color for hair this year,' Grandma said. 'So I had Dolly do me red this time. What do you think?'
