“I don’t see how.”
Victoria bit her lower lip. “You have to understand how bitterly unhappy my marriage to your father was.”
“Oh, I
Victoria winced again as if from a blow. “Perhaps not, but I was terribly lonely. I am sure you know that your father kept a series of mistresses.”
“I could hardly be ignorant of the fact,” Arabella said, her tone acrid.
“Charles once was discreet about his affairs, but when he began flaunting his mistresses in my face, I couldn’t bear it any longer.”
“So you took a lover because you wanted revenge.”
“It was not that simple, Arabella. I suppose I wanted revenge, but mostly I wanted…intimacy. I met Henri Vachel in London. He had come to England as a boy, after his parents were guillotined during the Terror. His mother’s family was English, so he lived with them in Surrey. Henri was so gentle and kind… After your father’s neglect, it is not surprising that I responded to him.”
When Arabella remained silent, Victoria plowed ahead doggedly. “When your father found out, he was furious about being cuckolded. It was perfectly permissible for
She gave a skeptical frown. “That is not what Papa told us. He said you developed a violent passion for your lover and fled to France to be with him.”
“Of course Charles would claim so, since he wished to make me the villain. But it wasn’t true. I didn’t love Henri. Not then. And I only left because your father compelled me to do so.”
Crossing her arms defensively over her chest, Arabella stared. “Papa was killed two weeks later in a duel, Mama. You could have returned to England then.”
“No, I could not,” Victoria said with regret. “Because of the war it was months before I learned I was a widow, and by then my stepbrother had guardianship of you. Lionel was so enraged with me, he refused to let me return. He vowed to withdraw his financial support for you and your sisters-to throw you out into the streets-if I didn’t keep away so that the scandal could die down. In any event…I thought you were better off without me after the disgrace I caused.”
Arabella’s resistance softened a little. Was it possible Mama hadn’t completely turned her back on her daughters after all? It was at least believable that their step-uncle had threatened to drive them from his home, since he had never wanted responsibility for them in the first place. But that did not wholly absolve her mother’s deeds. “You could have written, Mama.”
“I did. Every week for a full year. Henri used his smuggling connections to have my letters delivered from France. But I never knew what happened to them until just recently. Lionel burned them all.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Your butler, Simpkin, told Lord Danvers. Danvers questioned him quite carefully about the matter. Lionel flew into a rage each time one of my letters arrived and threw every one in the fire. If you don’t believe me, you may talk to Simpkin. He can confirm that account. Lionel hated me so much by then that he cut off all communication with me.”
That version of events had a ring of truth to it, Arabella admitted. The elderly butler and housekeeper had served her step-uncle at Danvers Hall for decades and so would have been privy to much of the late earl’s affairs.
Her thoughts whirling as chaotically as her disquieted emotions, she stared at her mother, wondering if she dared believe the rest of her tale. Had Victoria’s abandonment of her daughters truly been out of her control? Because she had been banished from England, first by her husband and then by her stepbrother? If so, then was it also possible their father had lied to them all along about Mama’s devotion to her lover?
Keenly troubled by the notion, Arabella cleared her throat, but her next question still came out hoarsely. “You said you did not love Monsieur Vachel at first. What did you mean by that?”
Victoria’s smile was less bleak this time. “Our liaison was only physical in the beginning, but my feelings for him grew over time. Henri stood by me when I had nowhere to turn. He not only offered me protection but shared my banishment, taking me to his father’s home in Brittany. Not many men would have been so caring and unselfish. In the end, I came to love him. I couldn’t help myself. I…married him eventually, Arabella. I am no longer Lady Loring. I am simply Madame Vachel. You have a stepfather.”
Arabella fell silent. It seemed strange to think of her mother as remarried. But she was more disturbed by Victoria’s other revelations. All this time she and her sisters had been lead to believe that their mother deserted them because she fell madly in love. But apparently that wasn’t true. Victoria hadn’t lost her head because of love-
Her thoughts were interrupted just then by her mother asking in a small voice, “Do you think you could ever come to forgive me, Arabella?”
Arabella looked away. She was dismayed to think she had misjudged her mother all this time. Even more dismayed to imagine what Victoria had endured these past few years. Yet the pain of losing her was still very real. All the sorrow and anger and bitterness could not instantly be healed by learning there had been extenuating circumstances that made choosing her lover over her daughters more explicable.
“I will have to think about it, Mama,” Arabella finally said.
“Of course you need time to digest what I have told you. And I will understand if you cannot find it in your heart to forgive me…if you want me to leave.” Her shoulders hunched as if braced against a blow, Victoria murmured quietly, “I will return to France for good if you wish me to.”
“I am not certain what I want.” Arabella raised her hand to her temple. “I cannot decide anything just yet. I must talk to Roslyn and Lily first.”
“I would like to see them,” Victoria said hesitantly.
Not wanting to increase her mother’s misery, she kept her voice soft when she replied. “It’s possible they may not wish to see you, Mama. Lily is very hurt, and so is Roslyn.”
“I…understand.” She twisted her fingers together helplessly. “If you choose to reach me, I will be staying at the Red Boar in Chiswick. Henri came with me to England, and we intend to remain there for a few days before traveling to Surrey. Henri wishes to see his family there.”
When her daughter didn’t reply, Victoria slowly rose to her feet and moved to the door. There she paused with her head bowed, the picture of pain. “God bless and keep you, Arabella.”
Arabella’s heart wrenched at the quiet agony in her mother’s voice, and when Victoria exited the salon without another word, she couldn’t bear it.
Jumping up from her chair, Arabella hurried after her, calling out to her. “Mama?” When Victoria halted and turned, she added softly, “I will plead your case with Roslyn and Lily and try to make them understand.”
Her smile was bittersweet. “That is all I ask.”
Watching as her mother disappeared down the corridor, Arabella remained standing there for a long while, her thoughts in turmoil, her emotions running the gamut from dismay to hope as she considered the question of forgiveness.
Certainly Victoria had made significant mistakes. But she had also been wronged by her husband and her stepbrother. And she genuinely regretted hurting her daughters.
Perhaps that was all that truly mattered. That Mama
She would have to make her sisters see that, Arabella decided finally as she headed to her bedchamber to await their return.
The chance to get their mother back was too gratifying to pass up.
Lily turned stark white when Arabella broke the startling news about their mother’s presence in Chiswick, while Roslyn, after a stunned moment, grew solemn and thoughtful. But they both listened carefully as Arabella related every detail of her conversation with Victoria and argued for forgiveness.
Their ardent, highly emotional discussion lasted well into the evening. As Arabella expected, Lily was the hardest to convince, yet she seemed concerned more for Roslyn than for herself.
