feathering while her caressing hand grew bolder.
“My love? If you are attempting to re-seduce me I may be forced to disappoint. Even I have a limit to how rapidly I can recover, your obvious charms notwithstanding.” She did not reply, nor did she halt her pointed fondling. He chuckled, squirming and clasping her hand as he turned and captured her mouth in a firm kiss. “Goodness! I have not seen you so amorous since you were pregnant with Michael! Not that you are not generally more than capable of matching my ardor, but it has been a while since you accosted me in my study. And no, I am not complaining in the slightest.” He paused, noting the odd expression on her face. “Elizabeth?”
“What did you say about being amorous?”
“That I approve most highly. And if you insist I am positive we can repeat the performance later tonight.”
He kissed her cheek, but she pulled him away to look into his face. Her mien was one of blended surprise and elation. Darcy frowned.
“You may be right, William,” she whispered, and then shakily laughed. “I cannot believe it has not occurred to me!” She rose from his lap, pacing away a few feet while he watched her in perplexity. “Probably because I have not restarted my cycles so I had no gauge. But I have been sleepier than usual, my breasts have been aching”—she absently cupped her heavy breasts—“and for the past couple of weeks I have been mildly queasy, although I attributed that to traveling and not eating my usual diet. And I have been desiring you more than usual, not that I do not welcome the feeling, but still!”
“Stop!” He was on his feet, hands fisted at his sides. His face was as white as a sheet and his lips pressed so tightly together that small pressure wrinkles appeared. “Are you saying you think you may be… pregnant?” His voice was a bare whisper, cracking on the final word.
“I am not certain, of course, but it fits, and certainly is plausible considering us.” And she waved her hand between their two bodies. Her face was glowing with joy, eyes radiant and unfocused, and thus not noting his pained expression or tone of voice.
Darcy stared for another few moments and then released a coarse whine, pivoting and lurching to the window. His mumbling, angry words reached her ears, “Irresponsible idiot! You should have done something to prevent this happening so soon.”
“What are you saying, William? Prevent another child?” Her face was aghast, her eyes wide with astonishment. “Even if that were possible, why would you wish such a thing?”
“Is it not obvious, Elizabeth? After Michael, your illness, I…” He sighed in exasperation. “You have barely returned to a normal state, emotionally. It has only been a month since you quit drinking uncle’s teas! How could this happen so quickly?”
“Surely you do not need me to answer
“No, of course not. I did not mean…”
“Conception occurs when it occurs, Mr. Darcy. Look at Mary. Two babies in short succession. I doubt if Mr. Daniels expressed unhappiness!”
“It is hardly the same. You were so ill, Elizabeth. And we… our relationship suffered so dramatically. I could not bear to have that transpire again!”
His voice broke, the stricken cast to his mien penetrating Lizzy’s awareness. Her heart melted, although she remained somewhat annoyed. She crossed to where he stood ramrod tense by the window. She looked into his agonized eyes, reaching her hands to gently straighten his disarrayed clothing, injecting placating modulations as she spoke.
“Uncle George has assured us both, several times, that the likelihood of another such incident is slim now that we know what to watch for. He will be with me to assure I am well, and I shall not make the mistake of avoiding assistance. We have all learned to be cautious and diligent, my love. Furthermore, and most importantly, I have no intention of looking upon carrying our babies, as often as the Almighty chooses to gift us, as anything but the most miraculous of blessings. I do not believe that you feel any different.”
He stilled her hands, clasping them between his own and lifting to kiss her fingers. “I love you, Elizabeth, beyond words. And I love our children. And, yes, I do want more. In time. But I cannot pretend that the idea of you being pregnant, now, so soon, does not terrify me. I simply cannot embrace the joy of the idea at this juncture. Please forgive me, dearest, but I…” He swallowed, closing his eyes for a moment, and resumed in a husky whisper. “I cannot…”
A knock at the door arrested his words and any further discussion. Darcy reluctantly pulled away, tucking his shirt and fastening the buttons on his jacket. He cleared his throat, face assuming a neutral expression with only faint lines of stress marring the calm semblance.
“Yes?”
“Sir”—it was Mr. Travers, opening the door mere inches—“your horse is waiting.”
“Thank you. I shall be there momentarily.”
The door closed, leaving the lovers alone. Lizzy was staring at her husband, emotions in turmoil but understanding his angst. He pleaded silently, eyes melancholy, even as she forced a smile.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Lizzy interrupted. “Have a wonderful afternoon, dearest. We shall talk of this later.” She lifted on tiptoes to kiss his cheek and caress fingertips over his jaw. “All will be well, you shall see. I love you.”
Then she turned and left the room without a backward glance.
Chapter Seventeen
He left the house moments after she exited the parlor. Lizzy worried over his frame of mind disturbing his focus during the planned activities for his afternoon, but otherwise refused to dwell on the unknowns any further. If she was with child they would know soon enough, and she had no doubt that Darcy, once assured of her health, would be overjoyed. His all-consuming love and devotion to his family frequently stated desire for a bevy of children, and general good sense allayed any fears she had over his present trepidations.
Tea was taken on the Darcy House rear garden. The air was crisp with a slight chill but pleasant enough for an outside dining experience. The four women conversed and ate at the round table under the shaded patio while the four boys nibbled picnic-style on the open grass beside the fountain.
It was a quiet affair, despite Mrs. Smyth’s predictions. Ethan Bingley and Hugh Pomeroy were not as placid as Alexander, but they were well-behaved children able to pass a few hours in backyard play. Nine-year-old Harry spent part of the time chasing the younger boys around the grass and playing with the new bunny, and the other portion with his nose pressed into a book.
The ladies were content to gossip and laugh. Georgiana accidentally mentioned Mr. Butler at one point, Jane then being let in on the secret. After the expected congratulations and teasing, mostly from Lizzy, a goodly amount of time was spent on marital advice, leading to more laughter and blushes from the shy Georgiana.
While Alexander napped, Lizzy retreated to Darcy’s office to write a few letters. Georgiana was busy with her music, amid frequent glances out the window just in case a courier arrived—or better yet, a handsome man with curly blond hair. Servants moved about performing their duties with some noise attached, and Michael’s cries for nourishment did pierce the calm twice that day. But otherwise, it was a tranquil Monday boding nothing sinister.
Therefore, it was with a spring in her step and smile that she laid Michael down after his late afternoon meal, gathered Alexander and their gardening equipment, and headed to the northeast corner of the yard. As Lizzy had surmised, the sun was located so that the harshest of its rays were blocked by the surrounding walls and tall trees. There was no breeze to cool the air, but this corner of the yard was partially in shadow at this time of the day. She would not need to fret over their son’s fair skin or wear a bothersome hat to shield her face.
In one arm Alexander clutched the glass jar given with a disgusted cringe by Mrs. Smyth, and in the other he held tightly to the basket of sunflower seedlings transported all the way from Pemberley. Lizzy hummed throughout the transplanting, babbling to her son as he attended to packing the rich earth carefully around the root-ball of each
