Eric’s jaw and dazed him. He took a step back as Jeff stood up straight and started jab after jab into Eric’s face, his nose and lips instantly starting to bleed and swell. Jeff grabbed him with one hand around his collar and pinned him against the counter, punching his face with his free hand. Eric felt lightheaded and knew he’d go out soon. He reached back into the sink and grabbed a dirty glass, swinging it into Jeff’s temple.
The glass shattered cutting both men as Jeff shouted “Fuck!” and covered his eye with his hand. Eric’s vision was spinning and his face throbbed; his eye was starting to swell shut. He turned to leave the house and felt an impact on the back of his head and saw a bright white light as he hit the ground.
Jeff was on top of him, punching and swearing, foamy spit spewing from his mouth. He wrapped his hands around Eric’s throat and began to squeeze. Eric’s breathing was instantly stopped and his lungs felt like they’d explode. Blood rushed to his face as he gasped and wheezed, trying to slip in air. He clawed at Jeff’s hands but he was too angry to let go. In his eyes, Eric could see he was going to kill him.
The blood was rushing and the world was going black so Eric didn’t hear the scream that echoed in the kitchen. But he did see the silhouette of his mom grabbing Jeff. She wrapped her hands softly around his face and was sobbing. She was saying, “Look at me darling, look at me Jeff, look at me” and trying to bring Jeff’s eyes up to hers. Tears were streaming down her face but she kept speaking in a soft voice and held Jeff’s face gently. His eyes, bloodshot and full of hate, came up to hers. Her almond eyes soothed him.
“Let him go,” she said softly, “let him go my darling, let him go.”
Jeff squeezed harder, gritting his teeth, nearly crushing Eric’s throat, and then let go. He stood up, knocking the table over as he stormed out. The red wine flowed over the ground as Eric felt his mother’s hands caressing his face. He began to violently cough and his throat burned as he took in a deep breath.
“It’s okay,” his mother was saying, wiping at the tears that were dropping down onto his face. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Once he was able to breathe regularly, Eric stood up, his head pounding, and walked out of the house, saying nothing to his mother who he was sure just saved his life.
CHAPTER
11
Concord New Hampshire was warm but the cool mountain breeze helped. There were few cars out; it was Sunday and people either went to church or stayed home watching sports. There were only two gyms in town and both were going bankrupt; it wasn’t a city that focused on fitness or outward appearance. Though the tourism boards liked to say so, the outdoors didn’t hold any fascination for the people that lived here. Only the tourists packed the ski slopes and the hiking trails. Most natives held some resentment for the tourists. They all stayed in areas the natives couldn’t afford, and enjoyed things natives didn’t have time for. The tourists were the elite and only interacted with locals when they were waiters or pumping gas or cleaning hotel rooms.
Eric Holden was a local but he didn’t hate the tourists. In a way, he never really felt at home here and identified more with the tourists anyway.
He sat on top of a grassy knoll outside the dorms, reading an old copy of A Farewell to Arms and sipping a vodka and orange juice. The bruises and cuts on his face were nearly healed but he was convinced they’d been slowed by the alcohol; he’d been drunk every day since his father’s death.
Wendy left messages for awhile but those had stopped. He had no intention of calling her back; suddenly, everyone seemed dull. It was like something was weighing him down, making it harder and harder to do anything. Worse he had no desire to do anything, except drink.
A car pulled into the parking lot and stopped at the curb. Wendy got out wearing her tennis outfit and walked over, casually sitting next to him. “Hey,” she said. “Hey.” “Jason told me. I’m sorry Eric,” she said. “I’ll be fine. I just need some time.” “How much time?” “I don’t know. I don’t feel right, you know? I’m just kind of always uncomfortable.” “My mom’s flying out to Switzerland in a couple weeks and I’m going with her. Would you want to come?” “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“I think it would help.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be here when you need. Just call me, even if it’s like three in morning.”
“Thanks.”
She kissed him once more and then rose to leave. She blew him a kiss as she pulled away and he forced a smile and turned back to his drink.
He wasn’t sure what love was but he thought maybe he loved her. She understood him in a way few others did. When he said he wanted to be left alone, she left him alone and didn’t keep urging him to talk.
The front entrance to the dorms opened and Jason came out in a sweat-suit. He sat on the grass next to Eric but didn’t say anything; just took a sip of his drink, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of a breeze against his face. “I haven’t seen you in biology for awhile,” Jason said. “I haven’t gone to any classes for a couple weeks.” “It’s not even 10 in the morning and you’re already drunk, I can tell by the way you talk.” “So?”
“For me that’d be normal. Fuck Eric, I know where I’m goin’. I barely got into college and I’m barely gonna get out. I’ll work some shitty job, probably be in some shitty marriage and have a ton of affairs. That’s me. That’s what God gave me so that’s what I’m gonna do. But that’s not you man. You’re smart. You can do whatever you want.”
Eric exhaled loudly through his nose and put the drink down, raising his eyes to watch the leaves tumble on the pavement. “I have dreams about it almost every night,” he said. “I see my dad in some hole with maggots eating what’s left of him. When I drink and black out, I don’t dream.” He picked up his drink and took a long pull. “I think you and him were the only friends I had.”
“You still got me.”
“I know.”
Jason looked to some girls that were walking by and waved. One of them said, “Hi Jason.” He turned to Eric. “Come out with me tonight.” “I don’t feel like it,” Eric said. “So? Who feels like doing anything we do? Just come out.” “Maybe.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Jason said, happy. “I’m goin’ to Donna’s house right now but we’ll swing by around seven to pick you up.” He rose and watched his friend awhile in silence before walking out to the parking lot.
Eric finished his drink and lay down on the warm grass, squinting at the sun and bright blue sky above him. A few clouds drifted lazily by, slow moving giants that gave him a little shade now and again. He took a deep breath and got up. He had no desire to be here when Jason came to pick him up.
Most bars were closed but there was one that doubled as a grill that would be open for breakfast this early. As Eric drove down the empty streets heading toward the bar, he realized for the first time that he hated this place. He could see why his father wanted to leave it so badly. James and his mother had fought once about moving to California. James thought there was more opportunity there and no winters. He said it would give Eric more options when college time comes around. His mother refused to go, saying all her friends and social clubs were here. At the time, Eric thought his dad just wanted to be somewhere more exciting. But now, he could see that James was trying to get out. A small town could make someone feel like a noose was around their neck and the thought of moving might help them wiggle free. But the noose just gets tighter over the years, like it did with his father.
The bar was dim and filled with cigarette smoke as Eric walked in. A good place to get drunk. He ordered three beers and a Long Island iced tea, taking a table so that he wouldn’t have to talk to the bartender. The few people here were getting drunk too; after all, who eats breakfast at a bar? Their faces looked sad. Gray and lifeless. They looked like dying men, and there was silence between them.
Eric finished his drinks and stood up to leave. By now he was thoroughly drunk; right at the point between feeling outgoing and feeling sick. His face was hot and he was sweating as he stepped outside into the sunlight. There was something odd about being drunk during the day; like it just wasn’t meant to be. The body seemed to have a hard time adjusting.
He climbed into the car, fumbling a little with his keys, and drove away. He could tell he was swerving because the lines in the road kept going underneath the car, but other than that he felt like he was doing all right. Besides, the roads were nearly empty.
