‘You promised to support us,’ she snarled.
‘Well, yes, I did,’ I was forced to admit.
‘Then you must see that our lease is renewed.’
Sir Humphrey tried to intervene between us. ‘Unfortunately, dear lady, it is not in my Minister’s power to . . .’
She ignored him and said to me: ‘Mr Hacker, you have given your word. Are you going to keep it?’
Put like that, I was in a bit of a spot. I did my best to blur the issue.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘in that, well, I shall certainly . . . you know, I didn’t exactly give my word, that is, I shall explore all the avenues, make every effort, do all that is humanly possible —’ Words to that effect.
Mrs Phillips was no fool. ‘You mean no!’ she said.
I was quite honestly stuck for a reply. I said ‘No,’ then that seemed a little unambiguous so I said ‘No, I mean Yes,’ then that seemed dangerous so I added that by no I didn’t mean no, not definitely not, no.
Then – another bombshell! ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ she said. ‘My husband is deputy features editor of the
The room fell silent after she swept out and slammed the door. An intense gloom had descended upon the assembled company – or upon me, anyway. Finally, Sir Humphrey found his voice: ‘It falls to few people,’ he said encouragingly, ‘to be within twenty-four hours both St Francis and St Joan.’
I have got to stop this farm being closed. But how? Clearly I’m going to get no help from my Permanent Secretary.
No story in the
And when I got to the office there was a message asking me to call that wretched rag.
Also, a message that Sir Desmond wanted to see me urgently. I suggested a meeting next week to Bernard, but it seemed that he was downstairs waiting! Astonishing.
So Bernard let him in. Humphrey appeared as well.
When we were all gathered, Glazebrook said he’d just had an idea. For nine storeys extra on his bank! I was about to boot him out when he explained that if they had nine more storeys the bank could postpone Phase III for seven years. This would leave a site vacant.
‘So?’ I was not getting his drift.
‘Well,’ he said. ‘I was reading in the
It was clear that they were in cahoots. But it was, unmistakably, a way out. If I gave them permission for a high-rise bank, they’d enable the City Farm to stay open.
It is incredible, I thought, that I should ever have thought that Humphrey would take my side against his old chum Glazebrook. And yet, Glazebrook is not really Humphrey’s type. He must be holding something over Humphrey . . . I wonder what.
Meanwhile, I had to think up some valid reasons for approving the high-rise building – and quickly. The official application wouldn’t be in for a while but in front of Bernard I felt I had to come up with some face-saving explanations. Fortunately, everyone pitched in.
‘You know, Humphrey,’ I began, ‘I think the government has to be very careful about throttling small businesses.’
Bernard said, ‘The bank’s not actually a small business.’
‘It will be if we throttle it,’ I said firmly, squashing him. He looked puzzled. ‘Bernard,’ I said casually, ‘what’s one more skyscraper when there’s so many already?’
‘Quite so,’ agreed Sir Humphrey.
‘And let’s announce it right away,’ I continued.
So we all agreed that the high-rise building will cut both ways. It will create shade for the school. Extra revenue for the public transport system. And as for privacy – well, it could be fun for people in their gardens to look up and see what’s going on in the offices. Couldn’t it?
‘After all,’ I added meaningfully, ‘some extraordinary things go on in offices, don’t they Humphrey?’
He had the grace to smile. ‘Yes Minister,’ he agreed.
1 In conversation with the Editors.
2 One of Hacker’s rare jokes.
3 In conversation with the Editors.
14
A Question of Loyalty
I’m due to go to Washington tomorrow for an official visit. I should have thought that it wasn’t strictly necessary for me to be away for a whole week but Sir Humphrey insists that it’s of enormous value if I stay there for an appreciable time so as to get the maximum diplomatic benefit from it all.
