The Complete Yes Minister

Secretary, at the Athenaeum Club. Sir Humphrey, as always, made a note on one of his pieces of memo paper – Ed.]

Arnold’s feelings are the same as mine when it comes to women. But like me – and unlike the Minister – he sees quite clearly that they are different from us. In the following ways:-

Bad for teamwork: they put strains on a team, by reacting differently from us.

Too emotional: they are not rational like us.

Can’t be Reprimanded: they either get into a frightful bate or start blubbing.

Can be Reprimanded: some of them can be, but are frightfully hard and butch and not in the least bit attractive.

Prejudices: they are full of them.

Silly Generalisations: they make them.

Stereotypes: they think in them.

I asked Arnold for his advice. Arnold suggested that I lecture the Minister at such length on the matter that he becomes bored and loses interest in the whole idea.

There is a remote chahce of success for such a plan. But Hacker does not get bored easily. He even finds himself interesting. They all do in fact. All the ones who listen to what they’re saying of course. On second thoughts, that is by no means all of them.

But the fact remains that Hacker’s boredom threshold is high. He even reads most of the stuff that we put into his red boxes, with apparent interest!

Arnold also suggested that standard second ploy: to tell the Minister that the Unions won’t wear it. [‘It’ being the importation of women into the Service to fill some top jobs – Ed.] We agreed that this was a line of action worth pursuing.

We also discussed the feminine angle. His wife [the Minister’s, that is – Ed.] is in favour of promoting the Harrison female, and may well – from what I know of Mrs Hacker – be behind all this. However, she may not know that Harrison is extremely attractive. I’m sure Mrs H. and Mrs H. have never met. This could well be fruitful.

I pointed out that the Cabinet will be in favour of Hacker’s proposal. But we agreed that we could doubtless get the Cabinet to change their minds. They change their minds fairly easily. Just like a lot of women. Thank God they don’t blub.

[Appleby Papers 37/6PJ/457]

[It is interesting to compare Sir Humphrey’s self-confident account of this luncheon with the notes made by Sir Arnold Robinson on Sir Humphrey’s report, which were found among the Civil Service files at Walthamstow – Ed.]

Told Appleby that I wasn’t impressed with his Minister’s plan to bring in women from outside, novel though the idea may be.

[‘Wasn’t impressed’ would be an example of Civil Service understatement. Readers may imagine the depth of feeling behind such a phrase. The use of the Civil Service killer word ‘novel’ is a further indication of Sir Arnold’s hostility – Ed.]

Suggested that he bore the Minister out of the idea. Appleby claimed that this would not work. Probably correctly.

So I made various other suggestions. For instance, the Trade Union ploy: suggesting to the Minister that the Unions won’t wear it. Appleby missed the point completely. He told me that the Unions would like it. He’s probably right, but it was completely beside the point!

I also suggested pointing the Minister’s wife in the right direction. And suggested that we try to ensure that the Cabinet throws it out. Appleby agreed to try all these plans. But I am disturbed that he had thought of none of them himself.

Must keep a careful eye on H.A. Is early retirement a possibility to be discussed with the PM?

A.R.

[Naturally, Sir Humphrey never saw these notes, because no civil servant is ever shown his report except in wholly exceptional circumstances.

And equally naturally, Hacker never knew of the conversation between Sir Arnold and Sir Humphrey over luncheon at the Athenaeum.

It was in this climate of secrecy that our democracy used to operate. Civil servants’ word for secrecy was ‘discretion’. They argued that discretion was the better part of valour – Ed.]

[Hacker’s diary continues – Ed.]

November 1st

Sir Humphrey walked into my office today, sat down and made the most startling remark that I have yet heard from him.

‘Minister,’ he said, ‘I have come to the conclusion that you were right.’

I’ve been nothing but right ever since I took on this job, and finally, after nearly a year, it seemed that he was beginning to take me seriously.

However, I was immediately suspicious, and I asked him to amplify his remark. I had not the least idea to which matter he was referring. Of course, asking Humphrey to amplify his remarks is often a big mistake.