The Complete Yes Minister

Unfortunately, in early March of the year following he accidentally erased everything on his floppy disc. Abandoning word-processing for ever, he resumed dictation into the cassette recorder on 10 March Ed.]

¹ Birmingham East.

² Hacker’s Party HQ.

³ That ominous phrase from a civil servant.

⁴ Bernard Wolley was, for once in his life, inaccurate in his pedantry. A cobbler is one who mends footwear, and therefore it is widely held by modern scholars who have researched this part of the Hacker diaries that CGSM stood for a Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Menders. An alternative possibility is that Woolley was merely being facetious, although this possibility has not found favour with the academic community.

16

The Challenge

March 10th

Wonderful news today. I had a call at home last night to go straight to Number Ten this morning.

When I got there I was told of a big Government administrative reorganisation. Not a reshuffle; I stay Minister of Administrative Affairs at the DAA. But I’ve been given a new remit: local government. It’s quite a challenge.

[Later that day Hacker was interviewed by Ludovic Kennedy in The World at One, a popular radio current affairs programme in the 1970s and 80s.

We have obtained a transcript of the broadcast discussion, which we reproduce below – Ed.]

[The following day Sir Humphrey Appleby received a note from Sir Arnold Robinson, Secretary of the Cabinet. We reproduce below the exchange of notes that ensued – Ed.]

The reply from Sir Humphrey Appleby:

A reply from Sir Arnold Robinson:

[On the same date, 12 March, Sir Humphrey made a reference to this exchange of notes in his diary – Ed.]

Received a couple of notes from A.R. Clearly he’s worried that Hacker may overstep the mark. I’ve made it plain that I know my duty.

Nonetheless, A. made a superb suggestion: that I divert Hacker by getting him to look into Civil Defence. By which he means fall-out shelters.

This is a most amusing notion. Everybody knows that Civil Defence is not a serious issue, merely a desperate one. And it is thus best left to those whose incapacity can be relied upon: local authorities.

It is a hilarious thought that, since the highest duty of government is to protect its citizens, it has been decided to leave it to the Borough Councils.

[Hacker’s diary continues – Ed.]

March 15th

I met a very interesting new adviser today: Dr Richard Cartwright.

We were having a meeting of assorted officials, of which he was one. I noticed that we hadn’t even been properly introduced to each other, which I had presumed was some sort of oversight.

But, as the meeting was breaking up, this shambling figure of an elderly schoolboy placed himself directly in front of me and asked me in a soft Lancashire accent if he could have a brief word with me.

Naturally I agreed. Also, I was intrigued. He looked a bit different from most of my officials – a baggy tweed sports jacket, leather elbows, mousy hair brushed forward towards thick spectacles. He looked like a middle-aged ten-year-old. If I’d tried to guess his profession, I would have guessed prep school science master.

‘It’s about a proposal, worked out before we were transferred to this Department,’ he said in his comforting high-pitched voice.

‘And you are . . .?’ I asked. I still didn’t know who he was.

‘I am . . . what?’ he asked me.

I thought he was going to tell me what his job is. ‘Yes,’ I asked, ‘you are what?’

He seemed confused. ‘What?’

Now I was confused. ‘What?’

‘I’m Dr Cartwright.’

Bernard chose this moment to intervene. ‘But if I may put it another way . . . what are you?’

‘I’m C of E,’ said Dr Cartwright puzzled.