The Complete Yes Minister

basis of our whole system.

Nobody had asked the NW controller to save ?32 million. Suppose everybody did it? Suppose everybody started saving money irresponsibly all over the place?

Woolley then revealed another curious blind-spot when he advanced the argument that the Minister wanted cuts. I was obliged to explain the facts of life:

Ministers come, and Ministers go. The average Minister lasts less than eleven months in any Department.

[In his ten years as Chairman of British Steel, Sir Monty Finniston dealt with no less than nineteen Ministers at the Department of Industry – Ed.]

It is our duty to assist the Minister to fight for the Department’s money despite his own panic reactions.

However, the Minister must be allowed to panic. Politicians like to panic. They need activity – it is their substitute for achievement.

The argument that we must do everything a Minister demands because he has been ‘democratically chosen’ does not stand up to close inspection. MPs are not chosen by ‘the people’ – they are chosen by their local constituency party, i.e. thirty-five men in grubby raincoats or thirty-five women in silly hats. The further ‘selection’ process is equally a nonsense: there are only 630 MPs and a party with just over 300 MPs forms a government – and of these 300, 100 are too old and too silly to be ministers, and 100 too young and too callow. Therefore there are about 100 MPs to fill 100 government posts. Effectively no choice at all.

It follows that as Ministers have had no proper selection or training, it is our patriotic duty to arrange for them to make the right decision as often as possible.

I concluded by teaching Woolley how to explain the saving of ?32 million to the Minister. I offered the following possibilities. Say that: (a) they have changed their accounting system in the North-West. or (b) redrawn the boundaries, so that this year’s figures are not comparable. or (c) the money was compensation for special extra expenditure of ?16 million a year over the last two years, which has now stopped. or (d) it is only a paper saving, so it will all have to be spent next year. or (e) a major expenditure is late in completion, and therefore the region will be correspondingly over budget next year. [Known technically as phasing – Ed.] or (f) there has been an unforeseen but important shift of personnel and industries to other regions whose expenditure rose accordingly. or (g) some large projects were cancelled for reasons of economy early in the accounting period with the result that the expenditure was not incurred but the budget had already been allocated.

Woolley seemed to understand. I am concerned that he has not had adequate training so far. I intend to keep a close watch on him because, in spite of all this, I still think he shows promise.

He volunteered information that Frank Weisel was ferreting. Naturally, I arranged a government car to assist him. [It was standard Civil Service practice to provide government cars for troublesome outsiders. The driver would, at the very least, be relied on to report where he had been, if only to account for the mileage.

Drivers are one of the most useful sources of information in Whitehall. Their passengers are frequently indiscreet, forgetting that everything they say in the back seat can be overheard in the front. Furthermore, Ministers tend to forget confidential documents, and leave them behind in the car.

Information is Whitehall’s most valuable currency. Drivers barter information – Ed.]

[The following series of memos between Sir Humphrey Appleby and Sir Frederick Stewart were found in a Ministry file – Ed.]

A note from Sir Frederick Stewart, Permanent Secretary to the FCO:

A reply from Sir Humphrey to sir Frederick Stewart:

A reply from Sir Frederick:

A reply from Sir Humphrey:

[Hacker’s diary continues – Ed.]

December 15th

Today we had the big meeting on expenditure cuts. Frank has been ferreting for a couple of weeks. The meeting didn’t actually end the way I thought it would, but we do now have a real programme of action, though not the one I expected.

At the meeting were Sir Humphrey, Bernard, and Frank who had come up with what seemed to be some