Mr. Jarvis’ manner became unfriendly.
“Say, what do youse want? That’s straight, ain’t it? If youse want to buy a boid or a snake, why don’t youse say so?”
“I stand corrected,” said Smith; “I should have remembered that time is money. I called in here partly in the hope that, though you only met me once—on the stairs of my office, you might retain pleasant recollections of me, but principally in order that I might make two very eminent cat-fanciers acquainted. This,” he said, with a wave of his hand in the direction of John, “is Comrade Maude, possibly the best known of English cat-fanciers. Comrade Maude’s stud of Angoras is celebrated wherever the English language is spoken.”
Mr. Jarvis’s expression changed. He rose, and, having inspected John with silent admiration for a while, extended a well-buttered hand towards him. Smith looked on benevolently.
“What Comrade Maude does not know about cats,” he said, “is not knowledge. His information on Angoras alone would fill a volume.”
“Say”—Mr. Jarvis was evidently touching on a point which had weighed deeply upon him—”why’s catnip called catnip?”
John looked at Smith helplessly. It sounded like a riddle, but it was obvious that Mr. Jarvis’s motive in putting the question was not frivolous. He really wished to know.
“The word, as Comrade Maude was just about to observe,” said Smith, “is a corruption of catmint. Why it should be so corrupted I do not know. But what of that? The subject is too deep to be gone fully into at the moment. I should recommend you to read Mr. Maude’s little brochure on the matter. Passing lightly on from that —”
“Did youse ever have a cat dat ate bettles?” enquired Mr. Jarvis.
“There was a time when many of Comrade Maude’s
“Did they git thin?”
John felt it was time, if he were to preserve his reputation, to assert himself.
“No,” he replied firmly.
Mr. Jarvis looked astonished.
“English beetles,” said Smith, “don’t make cats thin. Passing lightly—”
“I had a cat oncst,” said Mr. Jarvis, ignoring the remark and sticking to his point, “dat ate beetles and got thin and used to tie itself inter knots.”
“A versatile animal,” agreed Smith.
“Say,” Mr. Jarvis went on, now plainly on a subject near to his heart, “dem beetles is fierce. Sure! Can’t keep de cats off of eatin’ dem, I can’t. First t’ing you know dey’ve swallowed dem, and den dey gits thin and ties theirselves into knots.”
“You should put them into strait-waistcoats,” said Smith. “Passing, however, lightly—”
“Say, ever have a cross-eyed cat?”
“Comrade Maude’s cats,” said Smith, “have happily been almost entirely free from strabismus.”
“Dey’s lucky, cross-eyed cats is. You has a cross-eyed cat, and not’in’ don’t never go wrong. But, say, was dere ever a cat wit’ one blue and one yaller one in your bunch? Gee! it’s fierce when it’s like dat. It’s a skidoo, is a cat wit’ one blue eye and one yaller one. Puts you in bad, surest t’ing you know. Oncst a guy give me a cat like dat, and first t’ing you know I’m in bad all round. It wasn’t till I give him away to de cop on de corner and gets me one dat’s cross-eyed dat I lifts de skidoo off of me.”
“And what happened to the cop?” enquired Smith, interested.
“Oh, he got in bad, sure enough,” said Mr. Jarvis without emotion. “One of de boys what he’d pinched and had sent up the road once lays for him and puts one over on him wit a black-jack. Sure. Dat’s what comes of havin’ a cat wit’ one blue and one yaller one.”
Mr. Jarvis relapsed into silence. He seemed to be meditating on the inscrutable workings of Fate. Smith took advantage of the pause to leave the cat topic and touch on matters of more vital import.
“Tense and exhilarating as is this discussion of the optical peculiarities of cats,” he said, “there is another matter on which, if you will permit me, I should like to touch. I would hesitate to bore you with my own private troubles, but this is a matter which concerns Comrade Maude as well as myself, and I can see that your regard for Comrade Maude is almost an obsession.”
“How’s that?”
“I can see,” said Smith, “that Comrade Maude is a man to whom you give the glad hand.”
Mr. Jarvis regarded John with respectful affection.
“Sure! He’s to the good, Mr. Maude is.”
“Exactly,” said Smith. “To resume, then. The fact is, Comrade Jarvis, we are much persecuted by scoundrels. How sad it is in this world! We look to every side. We look to north, east, south, and west, and what do we see? Mainly scoundrels. I fancy you have heard a little about our troubles before this. In fact, I gather that the same scoundrels actually approached you with a view to engaging your services to do us up, but that you very handsomely refused the contract. We are the staff of
“
“So I was informed,” said Smith. “Well, failing you, they went to a gentleman of the name of Reilly—”
“Spider Reilly?”
