Jondalar and Marona were just coming out of the water as Ayla looked through the bushes. With a stab of anguish, she watched Marona turn to face Jondalar, put her arms around him and press her naked body close to his, then reach up to kiss him. Jondalar bent down to meet her lips. With fascinated horror, she watched his hands begin to caress her body. How many times had she felt his knowing hands?
Ayla wanted to run, but she couldn't move. They moved a few steps closer, toward a soft leather hide spread out on the grass just in front of her. She could see that he wasn't really aroused. But no one had seen him since she arrived, he'd been gone all day, and it was obvious to her that they had already used the leather blanket, at least once. Marona pressed against him again, kissed him deeply, as though with great hunger, then slowly dropped down in front of him. With a languid, knowing laugh, Marona enclosed her mouth around his flaccid manhood while Jondalar stood looking down at her.
Ayla could see his mounting excitement in his expression of intense pleasure. She had never seen his face when she did that to him — was that how he looked? As Marona moved rhythmically back and forth, his tumescent organ pushed her farther away from him as it began to extend.
It was an agony for Ayla to see him with her. She could hardly breathe, her stomach knotted in pain, her head pounded. She had never experienced this kind of feeling before. Was this anguish jealousy? Was this how Jondalar felt when I went to Ranec's bed, she thought? Why didn't he tell me? I didn't know then, I never felt jealousy before, and he never told me. He only said it was my right to choose who I wanted.
That means it's his right to be there with Marona!
Her eyes filled with tears, she couldn't stand it, she had to get away. She turned and started to run blindly through the small woods, but she tripped on an exposed root and crashed to the ground.
'Who's there? What's going on?' Ayla heard Jondalar's voice call out. She scrambled to her feet and started off again as Jondalar pushed the brush aside. 'Ayla? Ayla!' he said in shocked surprise. 'What are you doing here?'
She turned to face the man who was coming after her. 'I didn't mean to interfere,' she said, trying to compose herself. 'You have the right to couple with whoever you want, Jondalar. Even Marona.'
Marona pushed through the screen of bushes and stood close to Jondalar, pressing her body against him. 'That's right, Ayla,' she said with an exultant laugh. 'He can couple with whoever he wants. What do you expect a man to do when his mate is too busy for him? We have coupled often, and not only this summer. Why do you think I moved back to the Ninth Cave? He didn't want me to tell you, but now that you've found out, you might as well know the whole story.' She laughed again; then with a vicious sneer she said, 'You may have stolen him from me, Ayla, but you haven't been able to keep him to yourself.'
'I didn't steal him from you, Marona. I didn't even know you until I arrived here. Jondalar chose me of his own free will. Now he can choose you, if he wants, but tell me, do you really love him? Or are you just trying to cause trouble?' Ayla said. Then she turned and with as much dignity as she could gather, she hurried away.
Jondalar shrugged off the woman hanging on him and caught up with Ayla in a few strides. 'Ayla, please wait! Let me explain!' he said.
'What is there to explain? Marona is right. How could I expect anything else? You were in the middle of something, Jondalar. Why don't you go back and finish it,' she said, starting away again. 'I'm sure Marona will be able to arouse you once more. She had you well on your way.'
'I don't want Marona, not if I can have you, Ayla,' Jondalar said, suddenly afraid he might lose her.
Marona looked at him with surprise. She meant nothing to him, she realised. She had meant nothing to him all along. She had made herself available, and he had found her an expedient way to take care of his urges. Marona glared at them both with anger, but Jondalar didn't notice.
He was concentrated on Ayla. Now he wished he hadn't given in to Marona's invitations, hadn't used her so casually. He was so intent on Ayla, on trying to think of something to say that could somehow explain how he felt, that he didn't even notice when the woman he had so recently been with stormed past him with her clothes bunched up in her arms. But Ayla did.
As a man, after he returned from his stay with Dalanar, Jondalar had always had his choice of women, but he had never really loved one. Nothing ever matched the powerful intensity of his first love, and his memory of those overwhelming emotions had been made stronger by the appalling scandal and disgrace it had brought on both Zolena and himself. She had been his donii-woman, his instructor and guide in the ways that a man should behave with a woman, but he was not supposed to fall in love with her. She was not supposed to allow it.
He had come to believe that he would never love a woman again. He had finally concluded that as a penalty imposed by the Mother for his youthful indiscretion, he would forever be unable to fall in love — until Ayla. And he'd had to travel for more than a year, to an entirely different and unfamiliar place to find her. He loved Ayla more than his life. It overwhelmed him. He would do anything for her, go anyplace for her, he would give his life for her. The only person for whom he felt a love as strong, if of a different nature, was Jonayla.
'You should be grateful she is there to satisfy your needs, Jondalar,' Ayla said, still hurting, and trying to cover the pain. 'I am going to be even busier than ever now. I have been called. I will do as She wishes now. I will be as a child of the Great Earth Mother. I am Zelandoni.'
'You were called? Ayla, when?' His voice was full of frantic worry. He'd seen some of the zelandonia returning from their first call, and he'd seen some, found later, that had not. 'I should have been there, I could have helped you.'
'No, Jondalar. You couldn't have helped me. No one can help. It must be done alone. I survived, and the Mother gave me a great Gift, but I had to make a sacrifice for it. She wanted our baby, Jondalar. I lost it in the cave,' Ayla said with as much dignity as she could muster.
'Our baby? What baby? Jonayla was with me.'
'The baby that was started when I came down from the cliff early one night. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that you hadn't already been with Marona that night, or I wouldn't have had a baby to sacrifice,' she said with hollow bitterness.
'You were pregnant when you were called? Oh, Great Mother!' He was feeling panicky — he didn't want her to leave like that. What could he say to keep her there, to keep her talking. 'Ayla, I know you think that's how new life starts, but you can't be sure.'
'Yes, Jondalar, I can. The Great Mother told me. That was the Gift I received in exchange for my baby's life.' She said it with such haunting, painful certainty, it left no room for doubt. 'I thought we might try to start another, but I can see you are too busy for me.' He stood there, stunned, as she walked away.
'O Doni, Great Mother, what have I done?' Jondalar cried out in anguish. 'I've made her stop loving me. Oh, why did she have to see us?'
He stumbled after her, forgetting his clothes. Then, as she hurried away, he dropped to his knees, and followed her with only his eyes. Look at her, he thought, she's so thin! It must have been so hard for her. Some Acolytes die. What if Ayla had died? I wasn't even there to help her. Why didn't I stay behind with her? I should have known she was almost ready, her training was nearly over, but I wanted to come to the Summer Meeting. I didn't think what might happen to her. All I could think of was myself.
As Ayla was lost to sight, he hunched forward, closed his eyes, and buried his face in his hands, as though trying not to see what he had done.
'Why did I couple with Marona?' he moaned aloud. Ayla has never coupled with anyone but me, he thought, not since Ranec, not since we left the Mamutoi. Even at ceremonies and festivals to honour the Mother, when almost everyone chooses someone else, she has never chosen anyone but me. People talk about it. How many men have looked at me with envy, thinking what great Pleasure I must give her, for her never to choose anyone else.
'Why did Ayla have to see us?'
I never thought she would get here in the daytime. I thought she'd ride all day and get here late. I thought it was safe to come here during the day. I never wanted to cause Ayla pain. She's had enough pain. And now she's lost a baby. I didn't even know she was going to have another baby, and she lost it.
Did it really start that night? It was such an incredible night. I could hardly believe it when she came to bed and woke me up. Will it ever be like that again? She said the Mother wanted our baby. Was it our baby? In exchange Doni gave her a Gift. Ayla was given a Gift from the Mother? The Mother told her it was our baby, my baby and hers.
'Did Ayla lose my baby?' Jondalar said, his forehead knotted with the familiar frown.
