Arsenic. Cecil took arsenic. Fitz took arsenic. That was doubtless why they spent such a deal of time together.
Pearl came in to light the lamps.
“I should not like to see you alone with him again. He’s lost control, at least where you’re concerned.”
She poured paraffin into one of the lamps.
“Why does a person take arsenic?”
“It depends on the person,” said Eldric. “Women used to take it for their hair and especially for their skin, which it apparently renders very white and clear.”
“And if you’re a man?”
He paused while Pearl filled the other lamp and bustled out again.
“It has the reputation of boosting a man’s—oh, how shall I put it? A man’s virility.”
I leaned forward again with the poker, my hair shielding my face.
“Never have coals been stirred so well,” said Eldric.
“Never has a young lady been put so often to the blush,” I said. “It’s rather ungentlemanly of you.”
I thought he would laugh, but he said, “It’s quite a difficult conversation.”
I nodded, sorting through my thoughts. Remember what Father had said about Fitz? About not leaving me alone with him? The effect of arsenic on men—that was surely the reason.
I could have gone on to consider I’d done Father an injustice. I’d thought what he’d said all puff and nonsense. But there were other things tugging at my attention. The smell of paraffin. I gave it a good sniff; it ignited memories of the library fire.
It brought it all back: the spark, the whoosh, the flames, the fire, the flames playing over the books, munching at the titles—
Did I never wonder how Stepmother managed to rise from her bed, thinking to save me from the fire? How could she have, with that injury to her spine?
Did I never wonder what I was doing? How I could burn the stories of the Bleeding Hearts and the Strangers and so many others of the Old Ones?
Why would I burn my stories?
Why would I thrust my hand into the fire?
Stop, Briony: You did no such thing!
I tried to banish the memory, but my mind hung on to the image of my left hand diving into the flames.
Stop remembering! But I couldn’t stop.
“So do you?” said Eldric.
“Do I what?”
Memory is a queer thing. The smell of paraffin—why would I remember that? I’d called up the fire; I wouldn’t have needed paraffin.
“You haven’t been listening at all!” said Eldric.
Why would I remember putting my hand into the flames, when what happened is that the fire blazed out of control? It grew faster, burnt hotter than I could manage.
My memories had grown distorted over time. But I had them, at least: I remembered calling up the fire, I remembered turning Mucky Face against Stepmother, I remembered turning the wind against Rose. But I don’t remember turning anything against Eldric.
“Please listen!” Eldric leaned forward. “You want to watch out for Cecil.”
What had I done to make Eldric so ill?
I didn’t care about Cecil. I only wished I could tell Eldric that what he wanted was to watch out for me.
23
Awkwardissimus
The members of the Fraternitus were assembled. The members of the Fraternitus were boxing. Or at least, one of its members was boxing. The other was trying to catch her breath.
“This is a terrible idea,” I said. Or rather, I tried to say it but mostly, I panted. “Bad boys should only ever fight predictable fights.”
“Unpredictable fights take a lot of practice,” said Eldric. “You’re doing very well.”
“Liar!”
Eldric laughed. I wiped the sweat from my eyes. “And the worst of it is, you’re fresh as a daisy.”
One daisy petal:
The October evening was chilly, but the longer we fought, the more clothes I shed. An unpredictable fight is terrifically warming. I now wore the fewest garments consistent with modesty, a pair of trousers and a sort of shirt with no sleeves that looked more than anything like an undergarment. Tiddy Rex had lent them to me.
Darling Tiddy Rex!
In an unpredictable fight, a person’s always darting about. She punches at a person, but it turns out he’s no longer there. She blocks a kick from the right, but she’s surprised by an uppercut from the left. She thought she was a wolfgirl who could run forever. But the wolfgirl has never darted and dodged. The wolfgirl is ready to give up after five minutes. But she’s proud and carries on, and now she thinks she may need to be carried home.
The person of whom we speak is Briony Larkin. The other person, Eldric Clayborne, merely lounges about and ruminates on the mysteries of life, and every so often, he delivers a little joke of a punch.
“I’ve never seen you so pink,” said Eldric. “Should we knock off for the evening? You’ve been going at it very hard.”
“But you haven’t,” I said. “I’ve been punching you hard as I can, but you’ve been doling out those silly butterfly punches. I’d think you were cheating, except that the members of the Fraternitus Bad-Boyificus are sworn never to cheat.”
“No, we never cheat,” said Eldric. “Which means I’m honor-bound to admit I should have given myself a handicap. I have two working hands, and you’ve just the one right now.”
This particular member of the Fraternitus had to breach the code of honor. She couldn’t admit that her left hand was very spry indeed and that her right hand had never been useful. All at once, I felt the chill sink into my bones. I wrapped my arms about my middle.
“I shouldn’t have let you stop moving,” said Eldric. “Let’s get you warm.”
“Let me?” I said. “That’s rather bossy.”
“A boxing coach is always bossy. That’s one of the sad facts of life. Now, wrap up.”
I paused. I was wearing Tiddy Rex’s peculiar shirt and beneath, a little bit of hardly anything. They were damp with sweat, horrible in the October chill.
The Strangers were lolly-bobbling all about, murmuring about stories and mushrooms and mud. Murmuring about the cemetery and the Unquiet Spirit who tosses in her winding sheet. “The cold worms lie with her and she be shrilling out a name.”
I bent over the clothes I’d shed. They too were damp.
“It be tha’ name, mistress,” said the Strangers. “It be tha’ name she be shrilling.”
“Your lips are blue,” said Eldric. “You do know the rules, don’t you? A person who doesn’t mind her coach must be expelled from the Fraternitus.”
“But these clothes are too wet.”
Eldric went all lion, pouncing at his coat and then at me, holding the coat between us as a sort of curtain. “As one member of the Fraternitus to another, it goes without saying that I will protect your privacy against any and all who might seek to invade our fightibus space.”
He meant himself, of course, but he couldn’t say so. How raw to say,
