Not My Daughter

at risk?' She clutched the top of her head. 'I'm… I'm…' She didn't know what to say.

'I'm sorry,' Lily said meekly. 'I never imagined it would spread like this. I never thought your job would be affected.'

Susan was about to cry, You're a smart girl, how could you not? when the phone rang. 'Don't answer. I can't talk.'

But Lily had gone into the den to see the caller ID. 'It's Dad.'

Susan's panic waned. She held out a hand for the phone. Lily brought it, punching in the call as she handed it over.

'Hey,' Susan said with a sigh.

'Hey,' Rick said back but without his usual punch. 'What are you doin'?'

'Leaning against the front door in a mild panic because the parents of The Boy just came over. What's wrong?' Something was. She could hear it in his voice.

'Is Lily with you?'

The fact that he didn't ask about The Boy frightened her all the more. 'What is it, Rick?'

'Bad news, Susie. Your dad died.'

Susan felt a blow to her gut. It was a minute before she could ask, 'When?'

'This morning. My father just called me. It was a massive heart attack.'

Knees shaking, she slid to the floor.

'Mom?' Lily asked in alarm.

'Dad,' Susan managed to say, then whispered, 'Omigod.'

'They're having the wake at the house. The funeral is Tuesday.'

'Omigod,' Susan whispered again. The details sailed past her. Stricken, she saw the larger picture-her father dead, no closure, no reconciliation ever-and though she hadn't realized she wanted that, the sadness of it tore at her heart.

Dropping the phone, she covered her face and began to cry.

She had to go, of course. She knew it the instant her tears dried. She didn't know what kind of reception she would get, didn't really care. She needed to say goodbye to her father.

Within an hour of Rick's call, she booked two tickets home. Lily, who had been hovering, frightened by Susan's tears, was staring at the screen. 'Two? You want me there?'

'Yes,' Susan said. This was another thing she knew. Her relationship with her father was lost. All the what- ifs-what if she had reached out, called him more, even gone home-were pointless now. There was no going back. But going ahead? She didn't want to make the same mistake twice. 'You're part of me. He needs to meet you.'

'But he's dead, and I'm pregnant.'

Susan looked at her. 'So?'

'And I've never met your mother.'

Feeling an odd calm, Susan smiled. 'My brother's kids call her Nana. You can call her that, too.'

'But I don't know her,' Lily cried. Her eyes were filled with terror-but they were still the same hazel eyes that Susan's father and her brother had. 'I don't know Jackson or his wife or his kids,' the girl cried. 'And I'm pregnant.'

Susan took her hand. That fact was nowhere near as upsetting as her father being dead. Maybe she was simply getting used to it. Or maybe, by comparison, nothing her family could dole out at home would be as bad as the last week had been. The thought of leaving Zaganack for a few days appealed to her. It would mean missing a play put on by the Drama Club-but thinking of school gave her a thought.

'You have that fabulous little skirt you bought for the Zaganotes, and a black sweater that hides a multitude of sins. No one'll ever know.'

Lily wasn't amused. 'What if someone there has seen the Gazette?'

'Who there would read the Gazette?'

'What if someone asks?'

'Why would anyone ask?'

Lily took her hand back and tucked both under her arms. She seemed horrified. 'Are you looking forward to this?'

'Not to my father's funeral,' Susan said quietly, eyes filling again as she said it. 'But to fighting, yes. Weren't you the one who wanted to fight-against the Zaganotes for voting you out, against the editorial in the Gazette? Maybe I need to start by going home.'

She thought of what Kate had said. They still love you. They just never got past the anger. When they sent you away, they stopped the clock. Maybe it was time to start it again.

'I haven't seen my mother since I was pregnant,' Susan said determinedly. 'I want her to meet my child.'

Chapter 17

Kate's heart went out to Susan. To have so much happen at once was unfair. 'I'm so sorry,' she said. 'You sensed something when you talked to your mom. But the timing couldn't be worse.'

'Actually, it's okay. You were right; the clock stopped. I do need to go back. Maybe I'm running away from what's happening here, but this also feels like unfinished business. If things are better there, great. If not, well, Lily will understand what I've been talking about all these years. It will be a learning experience for her.'

'Like working as a mother's helper last summer was?' Kate asked dryly.

Susan made a quiet sound. 'That one backfired.'

'Slightly.'

'This could, too.' Susan sighed. 'If nothing else, Lily will see a different part of the country.'

Suddenly Kate had the best idea. 'Why don't I come? I could give you moral support. You wouldn't be quite so outnumbered.'

'You're sweet, Kate. But no. I have to deal. Besides, you can't leave your family.'

'And I wouldn't love to run away with you? Hey, I could leave Mary Kate in charge. Let her get a taste of what's in store.'

***

When Kate called Sunny, she was still smarting from the fiasco at the barn, thinking that Susan and Kate might have stood up for her more. Hearing the news, though, she forgot all that.

'Omigod. Poor Susan.'

'She's taking Lily there,' Kate said. 'I told her I'd go with her, but she wouldn't hear of it.'

'I'll go,' Sunny offered. 'I'd love to get out of town.'

'That's what I said. Sad that it would be for this reason.'

Susan's father's death, PC Wool, Jessica, Dan-Sunny wasn't feeling good about any of it. Then she thought of her own father and felt even worse. She admired Susan for having courage to face the enemy. Forget visiting; Sunny refused to call her parents now, she was that humiliated by her mother's put-down. And there was Susan, going back home after being disowned. It was a sobering thought.

'Is there anything we can do while she's gone?' she asked Kate.

'Keep PC Wool moving. That means I keep dyeing, while you push ahead with the promo for the spring line.'

'Like how?'

'Like adding finished items to your current display.'

'I already have some.'

'Add more. Photograph them. If Pam's going to get Cliff to sign on to an enhanced catalogue spread, let's give him a taste of what he'll get.'