Not My Daughter

But it would be too difficult, too far from home, too distant from Mary Kate and Jess. Especially now.

Percy State was definitely the way to go. But even there, if she missed too much school this spring, she might have to defer. Not that she loved being at school right now. There was constant whispering-mostly speculation about her mother's job, which, of course, wouldn't be happening if Lily wasn't pregnant.

'What're you thinking?' Susan asked, looking back between the seats.

Lily considered lying, but her mother always knew. She set down her knitting. 'I'm thinking I've screwed up your life. What if People writes an awful article?'

Susan considered that. 'I'll just have to turn the other cheek.'

Lily had to learn to do that, too. But it was hard when she passed Zaganotes in the hall or saw Abby. And Robbie? She didn't think turning the other cheek would work with him, but she didn't know what would.

'I can't tell Robbie what happened today,' she said.

'Why not? He already knows there's a problem.'

'But he doesn't have to know I need surgery. Didn't the doctor say the baby would be fine?'

'Robbie can handle the truth.'

'I'm not worried about Robbie. I'm worried about me. He'll ask questions, like what caused this, and, okay, maybe it wasn't field hockey. But it happened in my body.'

'Hey,' Rick called back. 'You didn't cause this.'

'Listen to your father,' Susan said. 'What happened isn't your fault.'

'Fine.' Lily didn't want to argue about whose fault it was. 'But there's another thing, Mom. The more I tell Robbie, the more he'll want to be around. He's taking this all very seriously.'

'As well he should,' Rick put in.

'But the more involved he is, the more involved he'll be. I like Robbie's genes, but I'm not marrying him.'

'How can you know that now?' Rick asked.

'Because she's smart,' Susan told him. 'Because she has too much else on her plate.'

'But maybe he is the right guy. I'm not saying they should get married now, but why rule him out just because they're seventeen? High school sweethearts marry all the time.'

'When they're old enough to know the relationship is right.'

'How can they know, if they don't give the relationship a chance?'

Susan looked back at Lily. 'There are relationships, and there are relationships. I'm talking about the biological one. Robbie is the baby's father. You have to keep him in the loop.'

'But if they bond, he'll never leave.'

'Of course he will. He's a shoo-in for acceptance at Brown. His parents will see that he goes.'

Lily wasn't so sure. 'He just applied to Bates. His parents don't even know. Bates is an hour away. He could be in Zaganack all the time.'

'That would be good,' Rick remarked.

'It would be awful,' Lily argued. 'He would be totally in the way.'

'Of what?'

'My life. My family. My friends.'

Rick caught her eye in the rearview mirror. 'And there isn't room for him? You liked him enough to want him as the father of your baby. Now you want him to leave town?'

'It worked for you guys.'

She got them with that one. There was a brief silence.

'It did not-' Rick began, but Susan cut in.

'Our situation was different. Rick was five years older than me. He had already left town.'

'But you didn't drag him back or follow him to the ends of the earth,' Lily said. 'I mean, you guys have been together more in the last few weeks than ever. Am I right?'

Again, a silence.

Susan looked at Rick, then back at Lily. 'How does this apply to you and Robbie?'

'There are parallels,' Lily insisted. 'You guys don't argue. Like, I have never heard you disagree. You have your own lives, and there's a definite division of labor when it comes to parenting me. You don't get in each other's hair, and that's good.'

'Maybe it isn't,' Rick said.

'No, Dad. I've thought about this a lot.' Her outburst before Thanksgiving still embarrassed her. 'There were times when I wanted you here, but maybe that wouldn't have been the best thing. Maybe the reason you have such a great relationship with Mom is because you don't live together.'

'Am I that hard to be with?' Susan asked.

'Maybe Dad is, but that's not my point. What if I include Robbie in everything just to see where the relationship will go, and then it doesn't work out? Our son will suffer. It's hard with him living right here. We'll be in each other's faces. I really think,' she concluded, 'that the best way is to set limits from the start. There'll be less tension.'

'And less support,' Rick said. 'Less help.'

'I have you guys. I have my friends.'

'That's not the same as having the baby's dad.'

'No one's asking you to marry him,' Susan put in.

'But you could,' Rick added. 'Down the road.'

'I don't need to get married,' Lily put in. 'Mom didn't.'

'But what if you want to?' he asked.

'She's only seventeen,' Susan cried.

There was another silence.

Then Rick warned, 'You're giving her the wrong message, Susie.'

'Me? How?'

'Marriage is not always bad. My parents were married more than forty years. Same with yours.'

'They were married first, then had kids. When kids come first and force a marriage, it can be bad.'

'No one's talking about force. I'm just saying that their having a child together lends itself to giving the relationship a chance. If it works out, great.'

Okay, Lily thought. Let's talk about something else.

'But she's right,' Susan said. 'We didn't.'

'Whose fault was that? I wanted to get married.'

'You did not. You were just doing what you thought was the right thing.'

Enough, Lily would have cried if anyone had been listening to her. But Rick was totally focused on Susan.

'How do you know that?' he asked. 'How do you know I wasn't totally in love with you?'

'You have never said those words.'

'Because you made it clear you didn't want to hear them. You sent me away.'

'You had a job-'

'Stop!' Lily shrieked. 'I'm sorry I raised it, it's no big thing-Robbie's a good guy. I don't know why I brought it up, except I don't know how to handle him, and I've never had surgery before, and my life is out of control, and it wasn't supposed to be like this!'

Susan could identify with that. Even hours later, she was shaken. She had never argued with Rick before, and while she wanted to be angry-wanted to be furious that he was contradicting her in front of Lily-she couldn't. Because she wasn't sure he was wrong.

Chapter 24

People reached mailboxes on Friday. The story was written by three correspondents,