Not My Daughter

that. She'll start in January, and even then she's going to have trouble leaving the baby in day care. So here's another thing I feel guilty about. I ought to offer to take him for a day or two. I know she'd be happier if he were with me. But I work. I need to work. I want to work. I suppose that what I earn will offset the cost of day care; still, I worry about it.'

'At least Jacob's helping,' Sunny reminded her. 'Adam is long gone. He won't be coming back much.'

'Has he admitted he was the one?' Susan asked.

'No. He never will.'

'Do you know that he is?'

'Jessica says so, and his parents are so quick to walk the other way when I come near, that I think they know it, too.'

'How can they not be curious?'

'What kind of people would deny their own grandson?'

Sunny held up a let's not go there hand. 'Dan periodically suggests taking him to court to force a paternity test, but to what good? I agree with Jessica on this. If Adam wants no part of the baby, we're better off without him. Besides, do I want him butting into our lives? N-O. Adam isn't the nice guy Robbie is. You're lucky, Susan. Robbie's there just enough, gone just enough.'

'Is Lily warming to him?' Kate asked.

'She likes him a lot. She always did. And now? She's impressed with how good he is with Noah and how well he handles his mother-who, by the way, is curious. She and Bill drop over once a week. But does Lily want to marry Robbie? Not yet. They both have a lot of growing to do.' She shot Pam a sheepish look. 'I'm sorry. We always seem to be talking about this.'

Good sport that she had become, Pam listened graciously, and though she wasn't clamoring to babysit, she went out of her way to help out with PC Wool when baby emergencies cropped up. Moreover, with Abby at college and Tanner accepting that his wife had a right to a life, she had become the face of PC Wool at trade shows. At the same time, her voice on the school board continued to grow. Two of the men, Morgan and Lombard, had decided not to run again, so she was recruiting replacements, and the initiative was self-perpetuating. The more she spoke up, the more people listened, and the stronger she grew. It was about self-confidence. She didn't work as hard now at being tight with Susan, Sunny, and Kate-the upshot of which was that she more naturally fit in.

'Hey, it's okay,' she said now. 'I'm glad it's you guys and not me.'

'What's the latest from Abby?' Kate asked. 'Will they let her dump her lousy roommate?'

'No, but she's found someone to live with second semester, and she loves her classes. Fall break is next weekend. I can't wait to have her home.'

Susan was looking forward to seeing her. Not that she didn't feel a quick twinge. Abby was doing what she had wanted Lily to do.

But dreams of the past were fading, those wistful moments few and far between. Lily was an attentive, capable mother, and the baby-well, the baby was a miracle. At five months, he was becoming a smiler, remarkable for an infant who had survived a life-threatening condition. His temperament had been sweet from that first little cry in the delivery room, moments after the balloon had been removed from his trachea, as if he was simply grateful to be alive.

Susan couldn't picture life without him. But then, her own life had changed so much that it was hard making comparisons to the past, period.

For one thing, her job was secure now in ways it had never been before. The town knew the worst and had stuck with her. She had proven herself under fire.

For another, there was Rick. A rock, he had remained calm through Lily's labor and Noah's surgery, and he willingly changed diapers when Lily truly needed the sleep. Likewise, he did his share of work around the house-not that he was perfect. Susan was still training him to wipe out the bathroom sink after he shaved, to take dirty towels to the laundry room, and even-Yes, Rick, that basket is full!-put the wash in himself. But if she had to be dependent on anyone, Rick was a good choice.

And then there was Susan's mom, the non-traveler who now shuttled between Oklahoma and Maine like a pro. Jack had charged Susan with making unfair demands of her, and though Ellen hadn't argued, she didn't change a thing. She seemed content in Zaganack, smiling more than Susan ever remembered her doing. She liked Susan's friends, and, now that Lily was fully recovered from childbirth and able to take care of Noah, Ellen had taken to being at the PC Wool barn with Kate. Timid about doing the actual dyeing, she busied herself with other chores at the oak table in the back. Kate and company had come to look forward to her visits.

So, surprisingly, had Susan, though she found it easier to think of Ellen as a friend. The mother part was shadowed by the past, and with their relationship comfortable now, neither wanted to rock the boat. When sensitive issues popped up, Ellen steered them back to the present. And maybe she was right, Susan decided. Motherhood was about picking up and moving ahead. It was about trying to do better, rather than being paralyzed by what couldn't be changed.

She and Ellen were enjoying life and each other. Wasn't that the important thing?

Lily was thinking along similar lines as she sat at the harbor with Mary Kate and Jess. Lulled by the fall breeze off the ocean and the sough of waves against the pier, all three babies were asleep. Neither the cry of the gulls nor the clang of moorings had woken them. It was a rare moment.

'I think we lucked out,' Lily said, rocking Noah's carriage with her foot. 'Our moms adore these kids.'

'What's not to adore?' Mary Kate asked.

'Crying,' remarked Jess. Addison Hope Barros spit up all the time. She had just been diagnosed with reflux.

'It'll be better once the medicine kicks in,' Lily said in encouragement, 'and besides, she'll outgrow this. Your mom knows that. She isn't asking you to go live with Delilah.'

In the hope that holding Addie upright would keep her food down, Jess had her in a carrier on her chest. Peering down, she adjusted her hat. 'Delilah wouldn't be good with illness. My mom is. She's right on top of the medicine thing. She keeps lists.'

'Are you being sarcastic?' Mary Kate asked.

'I am not. She's been awesome. I mean, if there's a problem, I look up and there she is with whatever I need.'

That made Lily's point. 'She's adapted. They all have.'

'So have we,' Mary Kate said quietly.

Lily knew she was thinking about college. How not to, when friends there were constantly sending them excited messages?

Well, not constantly. The texting had slowed. Lily had to adapt to that, too. 'No more word from Jacob?'

'Not in four days. I guess that's okay. He knows I'll tell him if there's a problem.'

'Doesn't he want to know what Willie's doing?' Jess asked.

Mary Kate shot her a wry look. 'Eating, sleeping, pooping? I mean, that's pathetic, but it's what being four months old is about. I get a smile from him once in a while, and he's precious when he coos. I could watch him sleep for hours. Jacob wants him to play. Think about it. Right now, these babies are pretty boring.'

'I don't have time to think about it,' Jess remarked. 'I'm too busy cleaning spit-up.'

As she could do only with these two, Lily said, 'I do think about it. I think about what I was doing this time last year. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing. But, boy, is life different-and in good ways even aside from Noah,' she said, because Susan taught her to look at the positive first. 'I have a new house. I have a dad. I have grandparents.'

Mary Kate's eyes went wide. 'Are Ellen and Big Rick dating?'

'Not officially. But she likes it when he comes.'

'Like you like it when Robbie comes?' Jess teased.

'I like it,' Lily informed her, 'because I think it's good for the baby. Robbie enjoys him.'

'Is he still texting so much?'

'Oh, yeah.' His messages came multiple times each day, and he had been home twice since classes started. He really was so cute with Noah, and since Noah meant everything to Lily, she would start thinking Robbie had potential. Then he'd return to school and annoy her by starting to text again. 'Every few hours I get a blow-by-blow of college life. Like I can identify.'