Not My Daughter

'With all-nighters?' Mary Kate asked in a high voice. 'I can identify with that. Of course, they sleep until ten the next morning. When was the last time we did that? I did sleep for four straight hours last night. That's a record.'

Lily's record was five, making Noah the best sleeper of the three. With his organs now neatly tucked where they should be, he seemed to be eating to make up for lost time. Maybe that was why he slept well. But then, he was an easygoing guy. Jess's Addie was higher strung. To Lily's knowledge, she was still screaming for food at the three-hour mark. Of course, she was only fourteen weeks to Noah's twenty.

A wail came from her now. Jess jumped up, adjusted the pacifier, and, swearing softly, began a frenetic swaying.

'You can't do that, Jess,' Mary Kate warned.

'Swear?'

'Get tense. She senses it. You have to relax.'

'That's easy for you to say. You don't have to worry whether your baby is getting enough food.' But she did slow the swaying to a calmer pace. 'It's like she's always hungry. I'm not sure the new formula is doing a thing.'

Lily wondered if breast milk would have been better, but Jess had stopped nursing after three weeks when the baby couldn't seem to get enough. They would never know whether reflux, not lack of food, had caused the crying. Or whether it was Jess's nervousness. Or just Addie's personality.

But Lily agreed with Mary Kate. Jess had to relax. 'If this formula doesn't help,' she said, 'you'll try another, and then another, and before you know it, she'll be past this stage.'

'I guess,' Jess said, swaying more tiredly now. 'It's probably a good thing Adam isn't around. He'd hate this. Did I honestly think he'd be a good father?'

'We never asked ourselves that. We didn't want them involved raising our kids. Adam has good genes. That's what counts.' Or so they had said. But Lily liked seeing Robbie with Noah. She liked seeing Rick with him, too. And Big Rick. And Ellen. Not to mention the fact that when someone else played with the baby, she got a break. Even with six hours of sleep, she couldn't believe how tired she was. She had no sooner changed him than he pooped, had no sooner washed his clothes than more were dirty. The work never ended.

'I feel guilty complaining,' Jess said. 'Addie didn't ask for this. There are times when I'm cleaning her up and she gives me this really apologetic look, like she's saying, 'I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean it. I won't do it again,' and I feel so bad. I do have a lot going for me. Darcy can't get enough of Addie. Dad takes her for walks. And Mom, she's loosened up a lot. Sometimes I think that the less neurotic she is, the more I am-like it's drained out of her and into me.'

'You aren't neurotic,' Lily said. 'You worry, is all.'

They were silent for a bit, resting there by the pier. Finally Mary Kate cleared her throat. 'Have we decided what to do when Abby is home this weekend? She wants us at her house.'

'Not just us,' Jess said. 'She's invited everyone who'll be home. What'll we have to say to them?'

'We can listen,' Lily offered. 'They love to talk.'

'So do I. Will they ask about my life?'

'No. But Abby really wants us there. She'll be disappointed if we don't go.'

There was another silence, then from Mary Kate a cautious 'We could bring the babies.'

Lily shook her head at the same time that Jess said a firm 'No.'

'What if we went for just an hour and asked our moms to babysit?' Mary Kate tried.

Lily knew why Mary Kate wanted to go. 'Will Jacob be there?'

'I don't know, I haven't asked,' she said, 'but it'd only be for an hour. I mean'-she looked from Lily to Jess-'okay, so we hate to ask. Our parents have not been begging us to let them babysit. As far as they're concerned, giving up a social life was part of the pact.' Her voice grew more meek. 'But maybe they'd do it just this once?'

Lily didn't answer. She was wondering how her mother had managed with no one, ever, to help. In that instant, it struck her that getting pregnant was the easy part. Giving birth wasn't bad either, what with a room full of people pitching in. The hard part was what came after-taking care of a baby three-sixty-five twenty-four-seven.

Her mother had done it alone. That was scary. Lily didn't know what she would do if she didn't have Susan around.

Seeming to read her mind, or perhaps just ready for a shot of mom-support herself, Jess said, 'I think we should start back. Addie'll be wanting to eat.'

Minutes later, each lost in thought as they crossed Main Street, they were startled by the honk of a horn. It was Rachel Bishop, back from Vassar. Slowing, she waved excitedly, pointed to the babies, and gave a thumbs-up, then accelerated again and was gone.

In her wake, all was still. Two carriages, one BabyBjorn, and three young mothers walked on.

Susan had decided that if the baby's half of the attic had a cloud-strewn sky, her half needed grass. They were in the process of adding windblown blades to the lower walls when Susan glanced at her watch. Setting her brush aside, she stood and went to the window-and there he was, pulling into the driveway.

Heart pounding, she trotted down two flights of stairs and outside, feeling an excitement she wouldn't have expected. She had known Rick most of her life, had been with him sexually more than half of that, but with commitment, their roles were redefined. Marriage said that he wasn't going away, that he would be part of her life forever, that he loved her. It gave her license to be excited.

He was grinning when he climbed from the car and, arms opening, scooped her up-and here was another change. Public Display of Affection was totally okay. When it was done, she took his hand and dragged him up those two flights of stairs.

'Whoa,' he said when the fuchsia hit him.

'You hate it?' Susan asked worriedly, but he was already looking past Susan's part to the sky with its billowy white clouds.

'That I love,' he said, eyes sparkling with hellos to Kate, Sunny, and Pam.

'But you hate the fuchsia.'

He grinned crookedly. 'As long as I'm not the one working here, the fuchsia is great.'

'It'll be better when the grass is done. I may even add some giant sunflowers.'

'Add whatever you want. It's your space. We can always hang a curtain to pull if it bothers me when I'm playing trains with the boy,' he teased, then said quietly, 'No carriage on the porch. Where'd they go?'

'The pier. They'll be back any minute.'

He went to the window and had barely glanced toward the harbor end of the street when he said, 'There,' and was off like a shot.

Taking his place at the window, Susan watched him stride down the front walk and turn onto the sidewalk as the caravan of girls and their babies appeared.

'He is adorable,' said Kate from her elbow.

From her shoulder, Pam said, 'So excited, like it's his own child.'

'It is,' Susan murmured, thinking of Lily, because Rick hugged her first. Leaving a hand on her arm, he kissed each of the other girls, then leaned down to see Noah.

'The piece de resistance,' Sunny whispered in appreciation.

As they watched, Rick reached in and picked up the baby and, cradling him with admirable ease, guided the girls up the walk.

'Blown off for a five-month-old,' Pam announced.

But Susan only smiled. She couldn't ask to see anything better. Sharing was precious.

She was a mother. She had learned this.

Acknowledgments

Deepest thanks to Nancy Shulman, Debbie Smith, and Dianne List for sharing their expertise on yarn, medicine,