The Hour of Dust and Ashes

around Bryn’s door. “You coming in?”

“Yeah.” I shook my head and went inside to stand by Bryn’s bed side.

The glow on her was almost gone now, and her cuffs had been removed.

“And Solomon?” Aaron asked, staring down at her with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Gone.” But that only solved one part of the problem. She was still addicted to ash and some of the others were still possessed. “Does she have any ash doses here?”

Aaron stepped into the bathroom and rooted in the medicine cabinet. “She has two here,” he called, shut the cabinet, and came back into the room. “I’ll see she gett.”

“Thanks. Why don’t you and the guys”—I gestured to the two warlocks and Rex—“step out for a minute. I know she wouldn’t want to sleep in those clothes.”

Emma and I removed Bryn’s soiled clothes, washed her off the best we could with damp washcloths, and then dressed her in clean pajamas. After that was done, we pulled the comforter out from under her to cover her properly.

“Thank you, Char …” she mumbled.

I kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome, little sis.”

I straightened, gazing down at Bryn.

“What happened in Charbydon, Mom? Where’s Hank?”

A tight sensation gripped my chest, making me wince. Hank was probably already back in Fiallan. “Let’s just go home. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.” My Nwyvre buzz was wearing off and the exhaustion was starting to set in along with the beginnings of a monster headache.

In the hallway, I explained the situation in detail to Aaron, including Carreg’s version of what had happened. The House of Abaddon would be coming for answers. I had no idea how long we had. “As soon as she wakes up, call me. Don’t let them see her until Rex and I can talk to her.”

“You have my word.”

“Thank you, Aaron.” Before he turned to go, I grabbed his arm. “She has paid enough. You need to move on or forgive her.”

A muscle flexed in his shadowed jaw. I thought he might lay into me about sticking my nose where it didn’t belong, but he just stared at me for a long moment before saying, “I already have. She just won’t accept it.”

He slipped quietly back into the room.

I gathered my kid and my Revenant and went home.

Rex and I took separate showers, washing blood and layers of Charbydon sand and grit down the drain. I sat in the tub, knees pulled to my chest, and cried. For Will. For Emma. And for Hank. I couldn’t save him. I’d had to choose. And I knew in my heart I had done the right thing.

And the chief was right, too. I was spent. I didn’t even have the strength to lift my firearm and focus on a target. Knowing this, though, didn’t make the guilt go away.

Once clean, I dressed for bed, went downstairs, and rang in the New Year, albeit late, around the kitchen table with my family.

I smiled. I talked. I ate the ice cream drenched in hot fudge and whipped cream that Emma decided we should have since she couldn’t drink the bottle of champagne Rex had apparently stolen from the Mordecai House.

But inside I mourned. Rex mourned, too; I could see it behind the stupid jokes and the goofy smiles. We made that moment special for Emma. Because she had lost something irreplaceable and soon her life would change and her heart would break …

The pall continued to hang over me as I tucked my sleepy kid into bed. “Night, kiddo.” I kissed her forehead.

“Smarty pants.” I shook my head, stepped over Brim snoozing on the carpet, and paused before closing her door. “Brim needs a bath first thing tomorrow. He reeks.”

“Okay.”

I shut the door and went tiredly down the stairs, every step carrying with it more weight and worry. The kitchen lights were already off, and the soft glow of the television led me down the hall to the living room where Rex sat on the couch.

I plopped down, pulling my feet in and snuggling into the cushy vee where the arm and the back of the couch met.

Rex turned down the volume and then angled his body to face me. “What the hell happened back there, Charlie?”

I didn’t even know if the tale would come. It took a long time for me to answer, to find the right words, the right state of mind. I found neither. “He wanted to leave,” I finally said.

Saying those quiet words out loud gave the whole thing a sense of finality. It felt like a fist squeezed my heart. “The sylphs’ gifts … they allowed me to see him. I held his hand. Pulled him out. He wanted to go, said he wouldn’t come back normal.” I rubbed a hand down my face and let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know if I did the right thing.”

I glanced to the ceiling. Above. Where my kid slept happy and content. My throat thickened. I shook my head. “How am I going to tell her?”

I couldn’t do it. How did I look her in the eye and tell her Dad was gone? A tear slipped out. Rex moved over the cushions and slipped an arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

My head fell against his shoulder. I turned into him, trying to hold out, but it was a losing battle. The floodgates opened. And I grieved for the loss of my ex-husband. He was gone. He was never coming back.

Rex held me, rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head, and giving me a supportive squeeze every now and again.

By the time I finally sat up, my face was swollen and hot. I couldn’t breathe, my nasal passages were blocked, and my head pounded.

Rex reached over the couch and grabbed a tissue from the box on the sofa table. He handed it over, watching me for a while, a frown wrinkling his forehead.

“What?” I finally asked.

“I know you and Em wanted me to stay because Will was still here.” He paused, gazing at the television without focus. “But now … Do you want me to leave?”

A half laugh, half sob escaped. I shook my head. “No. You definitely cannot leave us.”

Frustration tightened his jaw. “Why? Because I look like him? It’s just me now. He’s gone. You have to understand. Em has to understand. I can never be him.”

I glanced down at the ball of tissue in my hands, unwinding it to fold it over and over again until it was a tiny square. I drew in a deep inhale. “I know, Rex. Even when you tried to be him, you couldn’t. Emma will tand. She loves you, you know. Not just because you look like him. She’ll understand …”

His lips thinned. The muscles in his jaw flexed, and he ran a hand down his rugged face. Tension and emotions swirled around him. He scanned the room before settling his attention back on me. “And you?”

My sad grin widened a little. “I’m getting there. But,” I pointed out, “only in a platonic way.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to kick me when I’m down.” But I knew he wasn’t serious. Rex was well aware I’d never have a thing for him, and I was pretty sure he was all bluster and would never have a thing for me either. “Speaking of … what the hell happened to Hank back at the station? I saw the sirens …”

I unwound the square and started working on folding it like the flag. “They came to take him home. Apparently they think he’s a traitor. But he’s not. They got it so wrong.”

“You really like him.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement, but I answered anyway. I was answering Rex when I should’ve answered Hank when he’d asked me in Charbydon. “Yes. I really like him.” Him. Not what he was, but who he was. And now I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get the chance to tell him.

A gleam appeared in Rex’s eyes. “So when are we going into Elysia? We’ll probably be banned for life from Charbydon, might as well make it two for two.”

“We are not going anywhere.”

“But you are going after him.”