who could have pulled it off and made you smile along with it. He wasn’t one of them. He was, I suppose, good- looking in a big-guy sort of way but he was as vain as a starlet, always combing his hair and watching his biceps pop in his short-sleeved shirts.
One time when he was in my office, I went to the john and came back to find him sucking in his gut and putting the moves on Jamie. She was wily enough to say, “My dad wears the same aftershave you do.” A thirty- eight-year-old self-described stud (“Hey, chicks dig me and Elaine could never understand that, the bitch.”) being compared to a God-only-knows-how-old Granddad-type? He got back to business, which meant running down his ex some more and winking at me every time he mentioned “chicks.” Number one, I hate people who wink and number two, his winks looked like tics.
The judge, a man who had no time for Judge Whitney or me, called me to the bench and leaned over and whispered: “Am I right in thinking that these two are among the biggest assholes who’ve ever appeared before me?”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
He settled mutual custody on them and ordered both of them to take parenting classes. They sputtered and spluttered and called “outrage,” in the middle of which the judge brought the hammer down, stood up, and left.
“Parenting classes? Who does that asshole think he is?”
“Maybe you’ll meet some chicks there.” I grabbed my briefcase and got out of the courtroom fast so I wouldn’t have to talk to him anymore.
The sun was so hot at ten thirty I had a science fiction image of people staggering down the sidewalk and falling into the street, their hands waving desperately in the air like drowning victims. I smoked a cigarette and took my time getting back to the office. I passed at least six people who told me how hot it was. I wouldn’t have known that otherwise.
My office is located in the rear of a building that has been many things up front. The current tenant who took the front section and thus eighty-five percent of the entire place was an auto parts store.
I walked alongside the building and when I turned I saw Jamie sitting on the steps leading to our office. She had tears in her eyes. She smoked a cigarette and sniffled. When she saw me she just sat there. No signal of recognition.
“What’re you doing out here, Jamie?” I said.
“He told me to sit out here.”
“Who’s he?”
“Mr. Mainwaring.”
“What the hell’s going on?”
Her blue eyes shone with tears. “I just did what he told me, Mr. C. He scares me.”
“So he’s inside now?”
“Uh-huh.”
I took her hand. “It’ll be all right. Why don’t you take an early lunch and do a little shopping?”
“Will you be all right?”
“Never better.”
“I really don’t like him, Mr. C.”
“I don’t either. But now he’s my problem, not yours. Now go have some good food at the deli and put it on the office account.”
“Are you sure that’s all right?”
“Well, I’ve talked to the owner of this here law office and he said it was fine with him.”
She was picking tears off her cheek with a little girl finger. And now she smiled. “I always tell people you’re the funniest man I’ve ever known, Mr. C.”
I didn’t have to walk all the way into my office. He half dived out of it to grab me before I reached the threshold. He used his size to shove me hard against the hall closet. “Where is she? Where did you send my daughter?”
He’d become a grotesque. The blue eyes were crazed and the words were cries. Drool trickled from the left side of his mouth. He was slick with sweat and it wasn’t from the heat. And then his hands reached for my throat. I tried to push off the closet door but he was too quick. I could feel the fingers on the sides of my neck. I had just enough room to knee him in the groin.
He didn’t fall down, he just went into a crouch. He turned away from me so I couldn’t see his misery. Even in this situation he was a man of great pride.
I went into my office and sat down at my desk. I pretended to be fascinated by all the pink phone slips waiting for me. He was resourceful. In less than a minute he started groaning out insults. “I’m going to see that you’re in prison for a long time, you little bastard.” And: “If she dies, you’ll be an accessory to murder.”
That one got my attention and bothered me. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“At least own up to what you did, you slimy son of a bitch.” The voice was stronger now and he was out of his crouch. As he came through the door he winced with every step. But his rage was as good as several shots of bourbon. “I don’t know how you could ever be so goddamned irresponsible. I knew you were dirt, McCain, but she’s a seventeen-year-old girl.”
He sank into Jamie’s chair. His ferocity was wearing him down. He stretched a hand to her desk as if for support. The next sound was a wail. “He’ll kill her.”
“Paul, damn it. Look at me. Tell me what you’re talking about.”
“You know damn well what I’m talking about. She’s going to have an abortion because you told her to.”
“Paul, that’s crazy. I didn’t even know she was pregnant.”
“Oh, sure. I suppose you didn’t see her yesterday afternoon, either.”
“Yeah, I did see her. And what we talked about most of the time was how she and Van learned that you were doing the same thing Eve was and that you were in a wife-swapping group. And how much she and Van hated it.”
“Don’t put the goddamn blame on me. This is your fault. She’s looking up some butcher who’ll abort her. She doesn’t know about sleazy things like that. That’s your territory. You and your great friend Neil Cameron. He’s the one who seduced her.”
I had my elbow on the desk. Now I rested my head on my hand and took a deep breath. There are moments when the brain can’t-or refuses to-comprehend and process all the information it is presented. Pregnant. Abortion. Neil Cameron. My voice sounded mournful. “What makes you think she’s looking for an abortion?”
“She told Marsha she was having one and was driving over to see some guy. This was about twenty minutes ago.”
“Oh, God.”
“No shit, huh? Finally sinking in, McCain? Maybe having second thoughts about what you told her?”
I slammed my fist so hard against the desk top that I numbed my hand. “I didn’t know she was pregnant and I sure as hell didn’t tell her to get an abortion. Do you understand that?”
For the first time clarity came into his eyes. The lunacy waned. “Then who told her about this abortionist?”
“I have no idea. And even if I get around with lowlifes sometimes, I don’t know anything about an abortionist in Black River Falls. There was one but he’s doing time in Fort Dodge.”
Wailing now. “Then where is she?”
“Shut up for a minute.”
I grabbed the receiver and started dialing. Kenny answered on the third ring. At this time of day he’d be working on his portable typewriter slamming through “Cannibal Warriors of the Third Reich!” or something similar.
“Yeah?” He did not like being interrupted.
“I’ve got a big problem here, Kenny, and I’m really in a hurry. Is there anybody you know of who’s peddling abortions these days? I know it’s been quiet since Thompson got sent up to Fort Dodge for killing that girl.”
“Supposedly there’s some guy in Milburn. His name is Windom or something like that. I don’t know that for a fact. But I heard it from one of the kids who always comes out here to get his copies of my stuff autographed.”
Even Kenny was a star of sorts. “That’s all you know?”
