smile and said, he hoped not too tartly, 'Then I shall feel as entitled to be critical as anyone else. Incidentally, as you chase her around, have you come across Fat Andy in rehearsal?'
'I saw him distantly. He was curiously impressive.'
'Curiously?'
'I mean, he was just himself. No acting that you could notice, just Andy Dalziel on high, bellowing mediaeval verse. But it sounded like he was saying it, not reciting it, I mean actually saying it, his own words.'
'Do you think we've been wrong all these years and he really is God?'
'Have you noticed the state of the world lately?' asked Ellie. 'How could you ever doubt it?'
CHAPTER TWO
'Evening, Mr Thackeray,' said the barman at the Gents. 'You look as if you enjoyed your holiday.'
'I think I did, John,' said the lawyer, a smile splitting his bronzed face. 'The usual, please.'
As the barman reached for the twelve-year-old Macallan, a finger like a Colt Python dug into Thackeray's spine.
'And another of the same, John,' he said without turning. 'Andrew, how are you?'
'Better than you, I'd say,' said Dalziel, hoisting one bovine buttock on to a stool. 'You've got a terrible colour, did you know that? You ought to try a holiday.'
'I'll think about it. I understand you rang the office while I was away.'
'That's right,' said Dalziel. 'Not very helpful, that lass of thine.'
'I'm sorry to hear that. Cheers.'
'Up yours,' said Dalziel threateningly. 'Never fear, I'll get to the bottom of it.'
'No one quicker,' said Thackeray, peering admiringly into Dalziel's empty glass.
'You know what I mean.'
'I haven't the faintest idea.' The lawyer placed his equally vacant glass next to Dalziel's and inquired politely, 'Are you thirsting for Oxfam this week, perhaps?'
'You'd not take a drink off a man who's about to call you a bloody liar, would you?'
'Certainly not. On the other hand, you'd not have taken a drink from a man you were just about to call a bloody liar, so there must be some misunderstanding.'
Dalziel considered this, nodded and said, 'All right. But you'll cough before we leave here tonight and that's a promise. John, are you a plant from the League of Temperance or what? There's empty glasses here. Monday's Toad-in-the-Hole night and we'll need a solid base for that.'
With the empty smile of one who wishes the cook were of his mind, John reached for the Macallan.
The old long-case clock in the vestibule of the Gents had struck two and John had fallen asleep at his post before Dalziel found the key to unlock Eden Thackeray's confidences.
Drink he had tried till the Toad was awash in its hole with Burgundy and Scotch. Bribery had followed, with promise of advance viewing of police evidence in any two cases of the lawyer's choice over the next year. Then blackmail in the form of marvelling references to the tolerant attitudes of Thackeray's older, richer clients to the eighteen-year-old 'niece' he had taken with him to Sardinia.
Apart from a raised eyebrow at Dalziel's familiarity with his private life, the lawyer had treated all these gambits with equal indifference. Baffled, Dalziel rose and went for a regrouping pee. On his return he paused at the bar to order more malt.
'Mr Thackeray all right, is he?' said John with the thick accent of the newly awoken.
'Yes. Why?'
'Eleven's his usual limit. Midnight on Club Nights. I've never known him so late before.'
It was a brave attempt to get rid of his last two customers but it failed miserably. Dalziel's face lit up like dawn across the bay.
He said, 'You're right, lad. Make them doubles.'
'You've been drinking doubles these past four hours,' said John sourly.
'Then double doubles!' said Dalziel.
He put the glass down in front of Thackeray and said, 'Sup up. That's your last.'
'Is it?'
'Aye. It's long past your bedtime and I need to be up at the crack too. So no more pissing about. Cards on the table. What we both know is I want to find out why you jacked in representing Phil Swain. But what I've only just realized is you're as keen to tell me as I am to find out!'
'What on earth makes you think that?'
You'd have buggered off hours ago else! You've just been hanging on hoping I'll come up with a reason good enough to let you blab without too much damage to your professional bloody conscience.'
Thackeray considered, smiled, said, 'That's terribly subtle, Andy. But having tried intoxication, corruption and threat, what remains? A good kicking?'
'Man's got to try what he knows,' said Dalziel unapologetically. 'No, I'm giving up on you. That's why first thing tomorrow, I mean today, I'm going to start shoving Swain around till he cries harassment. Then I'll keep on shoving till he gets another brief to stop me. Then I'll keep on shoving till I get hauled up before Desperate Dan or mebbe even the courts. Then I'll keep on shoving till . . . you get the picture?'
