KISS (nites in SERV-iss uv SAY-tan): considering the fact that KISS is four middle-aged guys in mime makeup, it’s extremely impressive that they somehow managed to swing becoming the eleventh- greatest rock and roll band of all time.
Timothy Leary (tee-MOTH-ee lee-AHR-ay): famous college professor turned drug fiend from the sixties.
Led Zeppelin (leads a-PEEL-in): hey, gang! Let’s all get stoned and head down to the Mississippi Delta and watch four goofy-ass English guys in wizards’ hats and girls’
blouses play “the blues” and teach us everything there is to know about elfin princesses; gossamer wings; the tooth 339
fairy; the land of Winken, Blinken, and Nod; the wise and dark and mystic pilgrim brooding in the mist; and Puff the Magic Dragon. Come on, it’ll be magical.
Lemmy (let-me): “singer” of Motorhead.
libidinous (LI-bid-IGH-ness): one of the many fancy-pants ways to say “horny.”
magnanimous (MAG-na-MIN-ee-us): if you are generous and kind of full of yourself, this word is for you.
Make-out/Fake-out (MACK-it FACK-it): a public humiliation technique that owes its power to the reliably universal desire to possess what one is not allowed to touch.
Analogous to the game called keep-away, the object of which is to take possession of a ball that is held just beyond one’s grasp, or tantalizingly offered only to be tossed to another player at the last moment.
Mamelukes (maym-LUCK-ayce): mounted warriors recruited from slaves, who dominated Egypt for several centuries till they were destroyed by Mehemet Ali Pasha in 1811. And a great fucking band name.
Charles Manson (CHAR-less mon-SOON): the world’s most famous Beatles fan, the ultimate boomer, and the Voice of his Generation.
Mao Tse-tung (Meow TAY-zee-tongue): a Chinese communist revolutionary who managed to thin out the Chinese population considerably, earning him the admiration and gratitude of a small but irritating segment of The Most Annoying Generation. Author of
George Michael (YORE-gay Mich-elle): there’s lots to say about this guy, perhaps, but the shorts alone are bad enough.
Monty Python (MIN-tee PITH-ee): short for Monty Python’s 340
Flying Circus. A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain.
Most Annoying Generation, The: see Boomers Motorhead (MELT-er red): the seventh-greatest rock and roll band of all time.
multiple personality disorder (em-py-DEE): a feminine courtship strategy.
The New York Dolls (the NEW-ark DOY-leez): a New York transvestite version of the Rolling Stones. The fifteenth-greatest rock and roll band of all time.
normal (nor-MAL): lacking in taste, compassion, understanding, kindness, and ordinary human decency.
obsequious (ob-see-CUE-ee-us): a fancy-pants way to describe a suck-up.
orgasmic (or-JAZZ-um-ick): of, like, or pertaining to being glad all over.
partner (pard-NAIR): a euphemism for spouse or significant other. When a woman reaches the age where everyone starts to giggle whenever she refers to her “boyfriend,” and if the dude won’t marry her or if she doesn’t think “husband” sounds special enough, and possibly if she wants to preserve ambiguity as to whether or not she is a lesbian, she will usually settle on “partner.” I have no idea why guys use this word, unless it’s because their girlfriends or wives are a little touchy and they’d rather not get into it. This situation could be worse, however, as there are misguided parents out there who, I kid you not, like to introduce each other by saying things like “this is my lover, Don,” which can be quite a bit more nauseating.
PE (pay: as in, you will): “physical education.” I believe the Nazis used to make people dress in gay outfits and play tennis and do exercises in school, too.
Suzy Quatro (SOO-zee cue): hot rock and roll chick devel-341
oped by the same guys who masterminded the Sweet. She was also in this TV show called
The Ramones (duh rah-MOAN-ayz): if you can pull off the juvenile delinquent style when you are in your thirties and beyond, you are doing all right. The eighth-greatest rock and roll band of all time.
ramoning (ra-MAWN-in): a form of the verb “to ramone”
(derived from the French
The point of human existence, i.e., sexual intercourse.
roach (rootch): the stubby end of a marijuana cigarette, held in a clip and smoked till it can be smoked no more, after which it is swallowed. This is believed to confer upon the stoner what are thought to be the magical properties of the plant itself, such as leafyness, harmlessness, listlessness, lack of short-term memory and motivation, and a slightly green-ish coloring.
The Rolling Stones (the KID-nee stains): the Star Trek of rock and roll. The thirteenth- greatest rock and roll band of all time.