14 Because he wasn’t allowed much time talking.
15 The fourth Gumption to run the tobacco house and snuff mill felt that his surname lacked prestige, and for some reason chose the name ‘Bewilderforce’ – which did indeed become prestigious owing to the success of his tobacco enterprise, which was extremely well thought of by the gentry and others. And thereafter there was at least one Bewilderforce in every generation of the line (although girls were generally named Bewildred).
16 A glint is, in fact, a visual tinkle.
17 This is, of course, absolutely true.
18 The Colons had survived a long and happy marriage by having as little to do with each other as possible. This was achieved by the expedient of his working the night shift when she was working days, and vice versa. They had agreed this on the basis that anything else would have spoiled the romance.
19 Strictly speaking, the sexuality of any given dwarf remained a secret between him, or, as it might be, her, and his or, as it might be, her mother, until they decided to tell someone else about it, although generally you could work it out by observing dwarfs closely and spotting the ones who were drinking sherry or light white wine. Regrettably, this didn’t always work with dwarf policemen, because like all policemen everywhere they would drink anything strong enough to help them forget what they’d had to deal with that day.
20 According to dwarf lore the universe was written into being by Tak, who also wrote its lores. All writing is sacred to the dwarfs.
21 However that might be rendered in a language that at its best sounded like a man jumping up and down on a very large packet of crisps.
22 Regrettably, Constable Upshot was overly hopeful: in Ankh-Morpork the mice and the cockroaches had decided to forget their differences and gang up on the humans.
23 Which were, in fact, a permanency in any case.
24 Wee Mad Arthur was, as a Feegle, a very economical watchman to have, given that, size for size, he ate in a year what human watchmen ate in a week, although it had to be admitted he could drink, size for size, more alcohol in a week than any human watchman could drink in a year.
25 The first two being common theft and public indecency.
26 A race of freshwater mariners found everywhere in and around the Sto Plains. They are said to be incapable of lying, although this piece of information has been provided by the Zoons themselves, causing, as it were, a philosophical conundrum. Certainly it is maintained that they find the concept of a lie so difficult to understand that the few among them who have mastered the technique are venerated and given high office in Zoon society.
27 Technically, the violent surge of water on Old Treachery was written down in technical manuals as a Dam Slam, but anyone who has experienced one learns to swear, hence the subtle change of name.
28 Constable Haddock’s immediate nickname when he joined the force was Kipper, because policemen’s minds worked that way.
29 Or three or four, as far as Vimes the landlubber was concerned.
30 The sound of the gentle rattle of china cup on china saucer drives away all demons, a little-known fact.
31 The Three Disgraces were apparently the daughters of Blind Io (but you know how people talk); they were Nudicia, Pulchritudia and Voluptia.
32 That is to say, something bigger than he in fact is, which will turn very nasty if you think you can give this copper in front of you now a seeing-to because you are afloat to the tonsils on beer.
33 Or, perhaps, somebody else’s.
34 For those unfamiliar with them, periwinkles, like cockles and whelks, might be considered the snot of the sea.
35 It had been said by someone years before that to see Sybil Ramkin’s upholstered bosom rise and fall was to understand the history of empires.
EPILOGUE
AND THREE MONTHS later Sam Vimes went on holiday again, and this time he was allowed to steer the
He was amazed at how much fun a holiday could be, but not so amazed as he was eight months after that when he and Sybil were invited to be guests at the wedding of Ms Emily Gordon to the eldest son of Sir Abuthknott Makewar, owner of the famous Makewar pottery manufactory and incidentally the inventor of Makewar’s Crispy Nuts, the breakfast cereal of champions, without whose nourishing roughage the bowels of Ankh-Morpork would be more congested than was good for them. The Vimeses’ wedding present was a silver egg coddler, Sybil being of the view that you can’t go wrong with a coddled egg.
And Vimes was gratified when he noticed at the ceremony that one of the Gordon daughters was wearing a spanking new nurse’s uniform, and three others were sporting some quite fabulous and also, to Sybil’s great glee, quite scandalous bonnets from the new Gordon Bonnets range.
There was an apology from the axe-wielding Hermione, who, according to her mother, was detained in the woods dealing with a very large and troublesome
But most of all, later that year, Vimes was totally amazed to find that the bestselling novel taking the Ankh- Morpork literary world by storm was dedicated to Commander Samuel Vimes.
The title of the book was
About the Author
