“Something about him. I don’t know. He gave me the creeps. Trip, you don’t suppose…” Mommy sounded worried.
“What?”
“Oh, I’m probably overreacting. I just wondered if Carolyn’s behavior could have anything to do with him. I did tell her to stay away from him, but what if she didn’t?”
Carolyn held her breath. Had they figured out her secret? Would Daddy go after Dock and shoot him, like Dock had said he would?
“Carolyn?” Daddy laughed. “She’s much too timid to go visit a strange neighbor without one of us dragging her over there.”
Mommy was quiet for a minute. Then she said, “I guess you’re right. I just wish I knew what was wrong with her. Trip, she hardly says two words to me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
Then Mommy was crying. Carolyn crept back to bed before she could get into any more trouble than she was already in.
1953
Carolyn’s nightmares continued through the winter months but began to lessen as daylight lasted longer. She didn’t see as many shadows at night, didn’t hear footsteps outside the bedroom window, and didn’t have to hide in the closet anymore. She could slip into Charlie’s bed. He slept so deeply, he didn’t notice until morning.
Dad took time off from building the house to put up a swing. “Might give her something to do…” Carolyn spent hours sitting in the tire seat, turning the ropes until they grew taut, and then lifting her feet off the ground so she’d spin until she felt light-headed and dizzy. Her mother pushed her sometimes. Once, she even sat on the swing herself and showed Carolyn how to pump her legs so she could go higher.
Every few months, Carolyn and Charlie had to go to a hospital for “skin tests.” Mom checked their arms every day for a week before taking them back for the doctor to see. When the doctor said, “Negative,” Mom smiled and relaxed.
Carolyn made a friend in first grade. New to Paxtown and new to school, Suzie clung to her mother like a limpet and had to be pried off by their teacher, Miss Davenport. Miss Davenport called Carolyn over and asked her to sit with Suzie and “make her feel at home” while she went to greet other children. Carolyn understood Suzie. They became inseparable at school. Every recess, they played hopscotch or climbed the monkey bars or took turns pushing each other on the swings. They ate together in the cafeteria. Suzie told Carolyn she lived in Kottinger Village and her daddy was a soldier in the Army. She had two younger brothers and her mother was “expecting.” Carolyn asked what she was expecting, and Suzie said a baby brother or sister.
At the end of the year, Suzie said her father had received a “transfer,” and that meant she had to move away. Carolyn’s nightmares returned. Only this time, Dock didn’t take her away. He took Suzie.
“Carolyn.” She came abruptly awake and found her mother sitting on the edge of the bed. She brushed the hair back from Carolyn’s forehead. “You’re having nightmares again?” When Carolyn started to cry, her mother patted her leg. Carolyn thought of Dock and moved away. Mom frowned and folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t know what started them, but you’re safe. Everything is fine. Mommy and Daddy are close by.”
“Suzie’s gone.”
“You’ll make another friend. You’ll see. It won’t be as hard next time.”
Carolyn thought it better not to try. First Oma had gone away. Then Dock. And now Suzie was gone, too.
1954
“I’m doing my best, Hildie.” Carolyn’s father sounded angry and tired.
“I’m not saying you aren’t. Just let me go back to work for a little while so we can save money for the master bedroom.”
“What about the kids?”
“It’s partly because of the kids! They can’t sleep in the same room forever, Trip. Besides that, Carolyn was invited to a birthday party last week, and I couldn’t let her go because we couldn’t afford to buy a present. Her first birthday party invitation and I had to say no.”
“It won’t kill her.”
“Trip…”
“You can’t just leave them on their own to fend for themselves.”
“I can work night shifts. I’d be home by seven in the morning. They wouldn’t even know I was gone.”
“Remember what happened the last time you took on too much work and didn’t get enough rest.”
“Yes, Trip.” Mommy’s voice sharpened. “We still have the hospital bill. It reminds me-
They lowered their voices, and Carolyn fell asleep again. They argued every night about the same thing until Daddy gave in.
1955
Mom’s hours changed to “swing shift,” and a key was placed under the flowerpot by the front door. “Be sure to put the key back after you unlock the door. Otherwise, it won’t be there tomorrow and you’ll have to sit outside until Daddy gets home from work. Charlie, if you go anywhere, you be sure to leave a note as to where you’re going. Be home by five at the latest. Carolyn, you stay in the house. Play with your doll or read books, but don’t go wandering off.”
Dad bought a television set. Mom complained about the money. Dad said everyone else in the neighborhood had a television; why shouldn’t they?
Carolyn turned it on every day when she came home from school. She felt better hearing voices in the house. She didn’t feel as lonely.
“I think it’s time you quit working, Hildie. Carolyn needs you.”
“She’s doing better.”
“Better how? Watching TV? Never getting to play outside the house except on weekends? A little girl shouldn’t be alone so much. Things could happen.”
What things? Carolyn was afraid to ask.
“School lets out in two weeks, Hildemara. What’re you going to do then? leave the kids alone
“I put in for night shift.”
“And you think that’s going to solve our problems?”
“I don’t know, Trip. What will?”
He muttered something and Mom got mad. “I’m trying to help you, and you can’t even say a civil word to me! What happened to the man I fell in love with, the one who wanted us to be a
“The war happened!” Daddy didn’t sound mad this time. He said more, but Carolyn couldn’t hear. “I’ve been thinking there might be another way to work this out.”
“What way?”
“Take them down to Murietta…”
Carolyn sighed. She fell asleep in her own bed for the first time in months.
5
