“Aye, it was obvious you needed it, Row. You were snoring loud enough to wake the dead.”
“Trust me, they don’t need my help for that.” I took another swallow of coffee then topped off my mug and slid hers across the counter so she could reach it.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile.
“So, what about you?” I asked. “You’re the one we need to be worried about here. How are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. I’m fine.”
There was something in the way she answered that told me otherwise.
“I’m not convinced.”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she focused on placing the finished bacon on a paper towel covered plate and then laying fresh strips into the skillet. When she was finished with that task, she simply continued staring at the pan, occasionally nudging the sizzling meat with a pair of tongs.
“Felicity?” I pressed.
She let out a sigh then looked up at me. “Aye, I’m fine. I really am.”
“Honey, you’re sounding less convincing every time you say it.”
Her shoulders drooped, and she gave her head a barely perceptible shake. “I know.”
“So… Would you like to tell me the truth?”
“I’m not sure what that is, Rowan.”
“Well, what do you think it is?”
“That’s the problem. I’m not even sure what to think, either.”
I silently digested the comment for a short span then asked, “Is it because I did the binding on you?”
“No,” she shook her head to punctuate the reply.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure about that at least. I’ll admit I’m not happy you did it, but I do understand why. The truth is I don’t have the right to be angry with you over that. If you recall, I once did the same thing to you for the very same reasons.”
“That didn’t give me license to do it though.”
“No, it didn’t. But, I would be a hypocrite if I held it against you.”
“Okay… Then, is it something else I did?”
“No. I think it’s probably more the things that I did.”
I shook my head as I said, “You didn’t do those things. Miranda did. You had nothing to do with it. If anyone is to blame for that, it’s me. This never would have happened if I hadn’t done that binding.”
“A binding shouldn’t have caused that, Rowan. Unless you were intentionally binding her to me, which I would find hard to believe.”
“I agree. And, no, I certainly wouldn’t have done it intentionally. But, it still happened, so that means I fucked it up somehow.”
“How?”
“I have no idea. But I must have, otherwise we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.”
She took a moment to flip over the bacon strips and nudge them about the pan again. Finally, she looked up and said, “It’s not just the things I did, Rowan. It’s everything.”
“Everything covers a lot of area, honey.”
“Aye, it does,” she agreed. “What I mean is, everything that’s happened. The arrest… The time in the hospital… The fact that I suddenly have a half-sister-cousin or whatever who just happens to be a twisted killer. Who, by the way, is the product of my father screwing around on my mother with my aunt, which isn’t something a daughter really needs to find out about her dad. How do I reconcile that?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But, we find a way, and we do it together. And, if we can’t do it alone, we have Helen to help out.”
“I’m… I’m just a little overwhelmed right now.”
“I pretty much got that,” I soothed.
“Aye,” she sighed. “Maybe I should just get us all booked on one of those stupid tabloid talk shows.”
“They’d never go for it,” I told her, trying to interject a bit of humor. “You aren’t nearly strange enough for them.”
“You don’t think so?” she quipped, her voice suddenly taking on a demanding edge. “How about if after we tell them all that, we clue them in that I’m a repressed, closeted dominatrix Witch whose husband has only just discovered after almost fifteen years of marriage that she’d really like to put a dog collar around his neck and explore a few sexual fetishes with him in the bedroom? Do you think maybe that would pique their interest?”
I could tell by the look on her face that she had run directly into a wall of regret the moment the last word flew from her mouth. I paused, trying to think of what I should say. My delay in responding didn’t seem to help the matter because she hung her head and stared at the floor.
“You have me there,” I finally returned. “I think that just might get their attention.”
“This isn’t a joke, Rowan,” she said.
“I know it isn’t,” I replied softly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t making fun of you.”
“No… I’m the one who should be sorry,” she muttered, turning back to the stove without looking at me. “I shouldn’t have just blurted that out. You’re probably having enough trouble with it already… Especially after what you’ve been through.”
“What I’ve been through?” I asked, a bit of incredulity creeping into my voice. “You’re worried about me?”
“Of course,” she mumbled. “And… I’m worried about us.”
I placed my coffee cup on the counter then stepped over to her. Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I gave her a gentle squeeze. Her body was rigid, and I could feel the tension knotted up inside her.
“Aren’t we a pair?” I mumbled. “Me worrying about you, you worrying about me, us worrying about us, and neither of us accomplishing anything other than driving ourselves nuts…”
“Pathetic, isn’t it?” she whispered.
“No… I’m pretty sure it’s just what makes us who we are,” I whispered in her ear. “And, just so you know, us is fine, sweetheart.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive,” I replied. “And, I seem to recall we’ve had this talk before. Your proclivities in that area didn’t come as a big surprise, and they aren’t a problem. You never needed to keep it a secret, especially for so long.”
“There were times I almost told you,” she said in a low voice.
“Well, you finally did and it’s all good. You had nothing to worry about. You’re just going to have to be patient with me.”
“About what?”
“That particular game. I’ve never played it, so you’re going to have to fill me in on the rules.”
“Aye, so I haven’t so totally freaked you out that you’re going to leave me?”
“Do you really think you can get rid of me that easily?”
After a moment she whispered, “I love you.”
“And I love you right back. Warts and all, my little repressed dominatrix Witch.”
I felt her beginning to relax, and I gave her another reassuring squeeze.
“Why don’t you get out a couple of plates,” she said. “Breakfast will be done as soon as I scramble some eggs.”
“You got it,” I replied.
A moment later, as I was digging silverware from the drawer, I glanced over at her and said, “Dog collar, huh? So, would I have to bark?”
She didn’t look over at me, but even in profile I saw the corner of her mouth turn up as she said, “Only when I tell you to.”
