And Baby Makes Two

“I had another fight with Witch Hilary.” I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. “My mascara’s run.”

“What about this time?” Les grinned. “Did you forget to buy the milk again?”

“Not exactly.” I looked into my cup. “Can I go home with you tonight? I’ll tell you what happened then.”

Coffee sloshed over the sides of Les’s cup.

“To my place? Tonight?”

I handed him my napkin. “It was a really big fight. I don’t want to go home.” I gave him a stern but affectionate smile. “I’ve really got to talk to you.”

He was busy mopping up the table. “Not tonight, Lana. It’s impossible tonight.”

“But I can’t go home.” My voice was a little shriller than I’d meant it to be. “Please let me stay with you.”

He was shaking his head. “Another time, but not tonight.”

“But I’ve got to talk to you!”

He blinked. I’d never shouted at him before.

“Well, here I am,” said Les. “Talk to me.”

I like McDonald’s, I really do. And I know McDonald’s really likes kids and everything. But it still isn’t the sort of place where you announce that you’re pregnant.

“Not here,” I said. “Somewhere private.”

Les waved his arm. “This is private. There’s no one near enough to hear us.”

He gave me a look. Now we were even. I’d never seen him pissed off with me before either.

“If you keep your voice down,” he added meaningfully.

I ignored him.

“Why is it impossible tonight?” I demanded. “It’ll be late. No one’ll even know that I’m there.”

He paid no attention.

“So what was the fight about? How come you need to talk to me?”

I pushed my drink away. “I want to go home with you.”

“And I’ve told you, you can’t.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to get back. We’ve got a trainee tonight.”

“What about our talk?”

He got up and pushed in his chair. “Talk on the way to the shop, or it’ll have to wait.”

“It can’t wait. My biological clock is ticking.”

Les laughed. “What are you on about now?”

I sat up straight. I folded my hands on the table in front of me.

“Les,” I said. “I’m going to have a baby.”

He laughed again. “Yeah, course you are.”

“I am,” I said. “Your baby. Ours.”

He sat back down.

“Jesus,” said Les. “I can’t believe this. I thought you were on the pill.”

Why would he think that?

“But you knew I was a virgin. Why would I be on the pill?”

He stared back at me as if I was a difficult customer.

“I thought you had it sorted. That night when I came after the stag party … I thought…” He shrugged. “I thought you were, you know, ready…”

“I was ready…”

I started to cry again. It wasn’t like you could just go to the chemist and buy a packet of birth control pills like a pregnancy test, was it?

“But I wasn’t on the pill.”

Les reached out and put his hands on mine. “Do you want me to go to the clinic with you? I’ll go if you want. You shouldn’t go alone.”

I swallowed some tears. “What clinic?”

“For the abortion,” said Les. He squeezed my fingers. “I won’t let you go on your own.”

This was not in my script.

“But I’m not having an abortion.” I smiled through the teardrops. “I’m keeping the baby.”

“Keeping the baby?” You’d think my hands had turned into hot coals, he took his away so fast. “Are you nuts? You want to have a baby? What about your A levels? What about going to RADA and all that? You can’t have a baby now.”

That was what I’d told Les, that I was doing my A levels and applying to RADA when I finished. I was surprised he’d remembered. Since I hadn’t.

“Yes, I can,” I said. “I always planned to have children. I’m just starting a little sooner than I thought.”

“And what about me?” hissed Les. “I told you right from the start, Lana, I’m not ready for anything serious.” He was wearing a deep orange shirt and a black and orange tie. He fiddled with the tie. “I’m only twenty, for Christ’s sake. I’m not ready for a kid. I’m just getting my career off the ground. I can’t support you and it. I can barely support myself.”

“I’m not asking you to support us,” I said stiffly. “I’m not trying to trap you, Les. And I won’t tell Hilary who the dad is, if that’s what you’re worried about. You can count on that.” I looked deep into his eyes. “But let’s not forget who didn’t bother using a condom.”

He blushed and looked at his hands. “Don’t I have any say in this?”

I swallowed hard. “You can say what you want, but I’m not killing our baby.” I raised my chin. “And I’m not giving it away either.”

Les squashed his coffee cup in his palms. “And just how do I know that it’s our baby, Lana? Huh? How do I know that?”

This wasn’t in my script, either.

“What do you mean?” I wasn’t keeping my voice down. I was trying to, but it wasn’t possible. “Of course it’s yours! I was a virgin! Do you think the father’s God?”

“For Christ’s sake, Lana!” hissed Les. “Everybody can hear you.”

“I didn’t want to discuss this here,” I shrieked. “I wanted to go to your place. So we could have a proper talk.”

“Well, you can’t come round tonight.” His eyes shifted. “It’s Gary. Gary’s having a party. It’d be worse than trying to talk in here.”

“But we can go to your room—”

He looked at his watch again. “I’ve got to get back, Lana. I’m sorry. Are you coming?”

I’d never seen Les look so cold and hard. He was like a stranger. I hadn’t thought about it before, but all of a sudden it hit me that I could lose him. If I caused him too much trouble… Instead of us getting married and having our own flat, he could get a transfer south of the river or something and I’d never see him again. I took a tissue from my pocket and blew my nose.

“I can’t believe it,” I mumbled. “You’re angry with me!”

“I’m not angry, Lana. I just… It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all.” He came round and put a hand on my shoulder. “You’re sure your mother doesn’t know about me?”

I nodded. “Of course she doesn’t. It’s none of her business who the dad is, is it?”

“And you’re sure it’s mine?”

My tears fell on his hand.

I couldn’t tell if I had more chance of losing him if he knew he was the father, or more chance if he thought it could be someone else. I decided to hedge my bets.

“As sure as a woman can be,” I said truthfully.

Let him work out what that meant for himself.

And that was it, really.

Except for the part where I got tortured as punishment for becoming a grown-up without anyone’s