Deedee cheered instantly. ‘ An eye patch? Serious?!’ And she made an arrrgh noise like a pirate-as if I hadn’ t heard that every second of every day that I wore it. ‘ Got any pictures?’
‘ Sorry. There are no pictures of me because I was so ugly& and the second child. If you want to see my brother, however, we have about a million photos of him.’ Then I patted the back of my head to remind her of the neglect I’ d suffered.
‘ Don’ t you listen to her, Deedee,’ my mom said. ‘ She may have had an& awkward phase for a while there, but that’ s exactly my point. By the time she reached high school, she’ d blossomed. Truly, it’ s the best time of your life. I can’ t wait for you to get out there and experience it all. With your brains and beauty, I’ ll bet you have big things ahead of you.’
Ah. So that’ s what she was doing. I’ d been baffled at first, until I realized that this was Doris Parker’ s one- woman public service announcement to try to convince Deedee to give the baby up for adoption. Not so subtle, but an A for effort.
Deedee responded by putting her attention to sawing at her steak, to the point where my dad said, obviously annoyed, ‘ Hey now, you ought to be able to cut that with a fork.’
Dessert was rhubarb pie and ice cream served on the back patio to the sounds of the bug zapper killing flies and my father’ s complaints that the Bloomingdales next door recently landscaped with low-water plants-cactus and rock gardens-instead of grass. ‘ Can you believe it? What do they think this is, Death Valley? They ever hear of a water hose? Next thing you know, they’ re going to be installing one of those solar panels.’
‘ Your parents are a riot,’ Deedee said as I showed her to my brother’ s old room, where she’ d be sleeping. It was only nine o’ clock, but since the alarm would go off at three a.m. we were both eager for an early turn-in.
‘ They sure liked you,’ I said. ‘ I wouldn’ t be surprised if they’ re downstairs right now adding you to the will.’ Then I left to shower, not daring to leave it for the morning in case I overslept. It was quarter to ten by the time I’ d blown-dry my hair, and I’ d already done the finger-counting thing and realized the most sleep I could hope for was five hours. Ugh-how did Troy Jones do this every night? Before going to bed, I noticed a light on in Deedee’ s room. I gave a knock and went in. She was under the covers, still in her big shirt, reading one of my brother’ s old comic books. ‘ I can’ t fall asleep this early,’ she said.
‘ I can. I have a remarkable gift for slumber. It’ s waking up on time that I’ m worried about.’
‘ Me too. I set the alarm.’
‘ Good-between the both of us, one should manage to roll out of bed.’ I sat on the edge of her bed. ‘ You need a lullaby?’ I started to sing, ‘ Gitchy gitchy ya ya da da& ‘
She set down the comic. ‘ You told your mom that I’ m pregnant.’ I attempted to put on an innocent face, but she said, ‘ I’ m not stupid.’
‘ Sorry. She’ s my mom. I couldn’ t not tell her.’
‘ At least she was nice about it. My mom screams at me all the time. I’ ll bet yours never yells at you.’
‘ In defense of your mom, I’ m a bit old for that.’
‘ But when you were a kid, I’ ll bet your parents didn’ t yell.’
I thought about it. ‘ Probably not much. We Parkers aren’ t big yellers, but that doesn’ t mean they didn’ t come down on me if I deserved it.’
She snorted. ‘ Yeah, right. What’ d you ever do wrong?’
‘ Plenty.’
‘ Forget it. You’ re too goody-goody. I bet you never did anything bad your whole life.’
‘ Sure I have!’
‘ Like what? What’ s the worst thing you ever did?’
Maybe it was the taco soup or the thought that I’ d be seeing Troy Jones in mere hours, but Marissa was on my mind, and before I even thought about it, I said, ‘ I killed someone.’
‘ I mean serious.’
I’ d regretted it as soon as I said it, so I tried instead to come up with some other crime I’ d committed to appease her. Unfortunately, sneaking into the spiked punch and puking at Kathy Berz’ s graduation party was the best I could do, and it seemed downright charming compared with killing someone. I sputtered and stammered until Deedee said, ‘ Shit, you did kill somebody!’
‘ Nah, I was-’
‘ Bullcrap-don’ t take it back now. You did.’
I sighed. ‘ You’ re right, I did. It was an accident.’ I turned my attention to picking a loose thread from the comforter. ‘ Only it was my fault, so I don’ t know if ‘ accident’ is the right word.’ I told her about giving Marissa a ride and the car crash. At Deedee’ s urging, I went into the details: from the dresser toppling off the truck, to how I’ d veered, to my first ride in an ambulance. Of course, I didn’ t mention that Marissa was Troy’ s sister or anything about the list. The last thing I wanted was for Deedee to suspect she was part of it.
‘ So how did she die?’ Deedee asked when I’ d finished. I gave her a blank stare, and she said, ‘ I know it was a car crash, and the dresser falling, but what exactly killed her?’ She said it without a shred of pity or empathy. She wasn’ t being ghoulish, either. It was simply information she wanted that I hadn’ t adequately provided.
‘ She wasn’ t wearing a seat belt, so when the car rolled, she got tossed.’
‘ Like through the window?’
And here was the strange thing: I felt as if I could finally say it. The details of that night that I’ d kept from Susan, my boyfriend Robert, my parents& everyone. It had always been my fear of their kindness. That their sympathy would have been more than I could bear. All I’ d admitted to them was that Marissa died when the car rolled-as far as they knew, that was it. ‘ The windshield,’ I told Deedee matter-of-factly. ‘ She crashed through the windshield.’
‘ She got cut to death?’
‘ No. As I understand it, she died because my car& ‘ I took a breath before continuing, ‘ It landed on her.’
‘ On what part of her?’
‘ I don’ t know-all of her, I suppose.’
