She started to singsong, ‘ You really liiiiike him& ‘
‘ Shut up.’
‘ You think he’ s seeeeexy& ‘
‘ This car is still going slow enough. I can shove you out and probably not even get a ticket for it.’
‘ You want to kiiiiiiss him& ‘
I snipped, ‘ Can we change the subject?’
‘ Fine. You gonna adopt my kid or not?’
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
‘ I need time to mull it over. This is a lot.’
Deedee nodded, whereas I was utterly shocked by what I’ d just said. I’ d mull it? Surely the answer needed to be a swift and simple no. Yet, as soon as Deedee proposed the idea of me being a mom, all I could think about were those few minutes of waiting for a pregnancy test result. The same mix of yes and no stirred inside me. I wasn’ t yet willing to open my eyes and look at the results-especially since this time it was up to me what answer appeared. Instead, against all logic, I’ d just given Deedee a maybe.
‘ Just don’ t take too long deciding,’ she said. ‘ If you don’ t do it, I gotta start buying baby stuff. And sign myself up for independent study. And those guys said they were going to get me a student internship at the radio station in the fall. I can’ t do it if I got to worry about a kid, so I’ ll need to call them and tell them no.’
Sensing my chance to divert Deedee from the topic of adopting her baby, I said, ‘ Oh, an internship? That’ s great! You must have really impressed them. What sorts of things would you be doing?’
‘ Nothing if I got me a baby to take care of,’ she said dully.
So much for diverting her attention.
After I dropped Deedee off at school, that Mariah Carey song ‘ Hero’ came on the radio. When it got to the part about how I’ ll finally see the truth-that a hero lies in me-I felt a catch in my throat. It wasn’ t a full-on sob. I prefer to save that sort of thing for where people can see me, apparently. This was more a quick bubble of emotion. A hint at the roller coaster to come.
When I finally got to work, Susan was the only one who noticed it wasn’ t me on K-JAM. Everyone else told me, Good job! Way to go! Phyllis popped her head into my cubicle to say, ‘ It’ s a start.’
My mom had left a message. ‘ Why are you going on the radio saying I’ m blind? I understand if you want to give carpooling a heartwarming angle. But couldn’ t you have made your father blind? He doesn’ t have to go to work and face people.’ Then she sighed. ‘ Ah well, maybe I’ ll get one of those handicapped spots now.’
FOR THE NEXT WEEK, the only thing I could think about was adopting Deedee’ s baby.
It wasn’ t as if I didn’ t have other things to occupy my mind. Work was a madhouse. I had to pick up the slack for Lizbeth’ s being gone, even though there was no talk yet of (me) replacing her. Plus, it was near the end of the fiscal year, so those projects I’ d procrastinated on had come back to haunt me.
But my world went on autopilot, and I had one thing on my mind. For the first time, I could relate to that annoying way that women get so consumed about pregnancy and babies. In fact, I now offer my profound and immediate apologies to every woman behind whose back I made gagging motions when our conversation managed to again focus only on baby clothes, bassinettes, and spit-up.
Out of nowhere, I’ d become obsessed with babies. Even when I was running errands one day, my car steered itself to a Babies R Us-or, as I’ ve called it any other time I’ ve had to go there to buy a shower present, Downtown Hell. But this time I meandered the aisles, gushing over the tiny outfits. Mentally picturing how I’ d turn my spare room into a nursery.
That was, I scolded myself, if I adopted the baby.
But that was crazy. Of course it was crazy!
Wasn’ t it?
Suddenly I was noticing babies everywhere. I couldn’ t get enough of them. I found myself cooing at them. Asking their mothers how old they were. Did they sleep through the night? Were they on solids yet? ‘ Mind if I give ‘ em a hold?’
I’ d gone to a park a few days before and had a conversation with a mom with two toddlers. I told her about the baby I was going to adopt as if it were fact and not speculation. And I liked the way it sounded coming out of my mouth. My baby will be here in August. I’ m making all sorts of plans for my baby. Of course, then the woman went and wrecked it all by saying, ‘ Your husband must be thrilled.’ To save face, I had to say, ‘ Yes, my partner is beside herself.’ She piped down pretty quickly after that.
A chance like this would never come along again, that was for sure. It felt as if I’ d won millions of dollars in the lottery and I was studying the ticket, deciding whether or not to cash it in. On the plus side, I’ d be rich. On the down side, I’ d never know if a potential suitor loved me for me or for my money.
Hell, who was I kidding? I’ d take the cash.
The idea of a baby, however, was much trickier.
One thing was certain: I needed to think things through on my own before I opened debate to the floor. Sure, getting input from friends and family would help me sort things out. That was, if I had a different group of friends and family. In my case, it was guaranteed I’ d be bombarded with opinions. Better to know where I stood and then see if the winds of public opinion could topple me.
Having recently discovered that lists can be quite helpful in setting one’ s life on a new course, I pulled out a pencil and piece of paper and made a list of my own.
Reasons to Adopt the Baby
1. There is a baby who needs a mother
2. I would be awesome mom-would never yell at child and would feed her organic vegetables and hardly ever doughnuts
3. Am 34
4. Almost 35
