“I love you, Mom. Thank you for being so nice about this. I’m sorry to spring this on you on your birthday,” April said gratefully as they both put their coats on.
“I’m just sorry for you that it happened.” She didn’t envy her daughter the decision, but she could see only one possible choice. It would be just too much for her to handle a baby and a restaurant on her own, with no one to help her. There was only one reasonable option, as far as Valerie was concerned, not two. April couldn’t have the baby, and not without a father. But she respected her right to make the decision. She was sure that April would come to that conclusion too, and her mother knew that she was in no hurry to have kids.
“Happy birthday, Mom,” April said sadly, as they hugged outside La Grenouille. “Thanks for being so good to me. And believe me, no one would ever believe you’re sixty.”
“Just don’t make me a grandmother yet,” Valerie said ruefully. “I’m not ready for that.”
“Neither am I,” April said honestly. “I never expected to be dealing with something like this.”
“Well, happy birthday anyway, sweetheart.” Valerie blew her a kiss, they got into separate cabs, and both of them went back to work.
When April got to the restaurant, she went upstairs to change her clothes, and was in the kitchen five minutes later, grateful for the distraction. She worked straight through the afternoon, doing the prep work herself for dinner, and it was midnight before she finally stopped and sat down. It had been the best way to spend her birthday, too busy and too tired to think.
They had sold seven truffle pasta dinners, despite the price. And the Grand Marnier souffles had been delicious. Her staff had presented her with a birthday cake and the entire restaurant had sung “Happy Birthday.” If it hadn’t been for the positive pregnancy test, it would have been a nice evening. But it was impossible not to think of that. It changed everything, and April felt as though she had a thousand-pound weight on her shoulders. She felt as though she had aged ten years in a single day, facing this awful decision. She blew out the candles on her cake, praying that everything would turn out right.
In her bed that night, Valerie wished the same for her. Suddenly turning sixty didn’t seem so devastating. She was worried about her daughter. And as she turned out the light, she suddenly remembered Alan’s prediction about April, that she was going to have a baby. A shiver ran down Valerie’s spine as she thought of it. He had been right, about the pregnancy anyway. It remained to be seen if there would be a baby. It made her think too of the new man he had predicted for her. If he’d been accurate about April, maybe he would be about that too. That would be nice for a change. But for now all she could think about was April.
Jack Adams lay in his bed, blasted on painkillers that night. He never made it to Cipriani. He had crawled home from the office and gone to bed. There was no acrobatic sex for him, and no twenty-two-year-old models to help him celebrate his fiftieth birthday. He was in bed, in agony, watching TV, thinking back on all the fun he had had for so many years, and convinced now that life as he had known it was over forever. It had been one hell of a birthday. He felt as though he was in mourning for his youth, which had ended in the arms of Catwoman the night before. He was convinced she had killed Superman for good. Fifty had turned out to be just as bad as he had feared it would be, and worse.
Chapter 4
April went back to see Ellen the same day she had an appointment with her doctor. As soon as she walked in, she told Ellen she had been right, she was pregnant.
“I’m sorry,” Ellen said sympathetically. “I was hoping I was wrong. Your pulses just felt like you might be.”
“You’re better than you think.” April smiled at her ruefully, and lay down on the table. “I was hoping you were wrong too.”
“What are you going to do?” Ellen was worried about her friend.
“I don’t think I have much choice,” April said sadly. She had been wrestling with it all week and didn’t like any conclusion she came to. It was the hardest decision of her life. “I can’t manage the restaurant and a kid. I have to have an abortion. I’m seeing my doctor this afternoon.”
“It’s not as hard as you think, managing one kid, if you decide to have it.”
“You have a husband to help you,” April reminded her. “I don’t. I don’t even know this guy, and I probably wouldn’t tell him.”
“Larry’s not much help with the kids. Most of the time, I pretty much take care of them on my own, and I have three. I have other friends who’ve done it alone. Some of them have gone to sperm banks because they wanted kids, even without a husband. The beginning is a little dicey, but after that, it settles down.”
“I work twenty hours a day, most of the time, seven days a week. When am I going to find time for a baby, or a two-year-old? I don’t think I could do it. Maybe I never will. The restaurant is my baby.” April knew what she had to do or should. She just didn’t like it.
“You’ll figure it out,” Ellen said quietly. “Just do whatever is right for you.”
“I’m trying to decide what that is.” But she had been worried and upset ever since she found out. Her mother had called her several times, trying to offer her support, but it was obvious that she didn’t think April should keep it, and some of the time neither did April. The rest of the time, she wasn’t sure. It was a monumental decision. She was relieved to be seeing the doctor that afternoon. April had done nothing but cry about it all week, even when she was working in the kitchen. All the kitchen staff who knew her well were worried about her. She had been unusually quiet ever since her birthday.
After she arrived for her appointment, April spent nearly an hour talking about it to her doctor, who was sympathetic and kind. She discussed April’s medical options with her, and suggested that she might like to get some counseling to help her with the decision. She understood how hard it was. April explained to her that she scarcely knew the father and they had no relationship. It had essentially been a one-night stand under the influence of a lot of wine. It was hardly the way to have a baby, and not what she wanted or had ever planned. The doctor understood that too. She explained the abortion procedures to her, and they figured out that, calculating from her last menstrual period, April was now ten weeks pregnant. The doctor suggested they do a sonogram to see how things looked. It was standard procedure for a normal ten-week visit for pregnant patients. April agreed and was relieved that they had the sonogram equipment right in the office.
A nurse led her into a dimly lit room, had her drink three glasses of water, and wait twenty minutes, and told her not to empty her bladder and to put a gown on. After April lay down on the table, the technician applied gel to her belly, turned on the machine, and moved a metal wand around in the gel, as April watched the screen. And then she saw it, the tiny little being nestled deep inside her. It had the shape and look of a baby but was tiny, and its heart was beating regularly. The technician told her everything was fine, as she showed her where the head was, and the “rump,” as she called it, and the little stems that were becoming arms and legs. This was a baby, not just an idea, or a mistake she had made with a total stranger. This was already a life, with a heart, and one day a soul and a mind. As she looked at the screen, April felt sick, as tears ran down her cheeks. She had never felt so overwhelmed or so alone, and at the same time so close to anything or anyone in her life. It was an avalanche of conflicting emotions all at once. She hadn’t been prepared for how she would feel when she saw it. It changed everything she had thought about a baby for the past week.
“Everything is fine,” the technician patted her arm and reassured her, then handed her a printout of what they had seen on the screen. April was still holding the photograph in her hand when she walked back into the office to see the doctor.
“I’m keeping it,” she said in a hoarse voice, as she sat down across the desk from her again, and the doctor watched her.
“Are you sure?” she asked her, and April nodded.
“I’m sure. I’ll make it work somehow.” She couldn’t get rid of it, and now she didn’t want to.
“Then we’ll see you in a month,” the doctor said as she stood up, smiling at her. “If you change your mind, let me know. We still have some leeway timewise, not much, but we have a few weeks, if you decide not to proceed with the pregnancy after all.” But it was no longer just a pregnancy to April, after what she’d seen on the sonogram, it was a baby. This wasn’t what she had wanted to do with her life, but she was two months pregnant.
