Up The Down Staircase

JJ McH

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INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

Fired by my visit to your classes, I asked Dr. Bester if I might observe other English teachers, to learn more about techniques. Stony silence. I guess no one else is willing to be seen. (I was particularly eager to discover how Henrietta teaches Punctuation Traffic. I understand she uses a system of signals such as Stop, Go, Curves Ahead. . . .)

Had another run-in with J.J. McH., in connection with my levity. But I've got to hold on to my sense of humor—which is really a sense of proportion.

'You and Mrs. Schachter are the only teachers with humors in the entire school,' a student said to me. 'You see the funny sides, which makes it easier.'

It makes it much easier. How can I take seriously such mimeographed absurdities as 'Lateness due to absence,' 'High under-achiever,' and 'Polio Consent slips'?

Syl

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INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 508

TO: 304

Dear Syl,

I’ll match yours any day with: 'Please disregard the following.'

Bea

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FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.

TO: ALL TEACHERS

YOUR WHOLE-HEARTED COOPERATION IS ESSENTIAL IN DISCOURAGING ILLEGITIMATE LATENESSES, SINCE THEY TAKE AWAY TIME FROM VALUABLE SCHOOL TIME. PENALTIES FOR INFRACTIONS MUST BE FOLLOWED THROUGH.

JJ McH

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Admit to class: 9:30 A.M.

Lateness unexcused. Claims got lost in transit.

JJ McH

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CIRCULAR # 59

PLEASE KEEP ALL CIRCULARS ON FILE, IN THEIR ORDER

TOPIC: TEACHERS' WELFARE

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FEDERATION OF TEACHERS HAS ASKED THE BOARD OF EDUCATION TO SUPPORT LEGISLATION FOR HIGHER DEATH BENEFITS AND PENSIONS FOR TEACHERS WHO DIE OR ARE HURT IN THE LINE OF DUTY. YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS MEASURE IS NEEDED.

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Miss Barrett,

Joseph Ferone of your official class was absent from Math this morning. He claims he was working for Mr. Grayson. Please discipline and enter on PRC.

Frederick Loomis

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FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.

TO: ALL TEACHERS

SINCE SCHOOL AIDES HAVE RELIEVED TEACHERS OF MANY NON-TEACHING ASSIGNMENTS, TEACHERS ARE REQUESTED TO REPORT TO THE OFFICE FOR FURTHER ASSIGNMENTS.

JJ McH

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Dear Miss Barrett,

Joseph Ferone missed an important Physics test today because he was with Mr. Grayson. If you arrange for him to see me, I’ll be glad to make out another test for him.

Sincerely yours,

Marcus Manheim

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INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: P. Barringer, 309

TO: S. Barrett, 304

Sylvia!

Sorry I couldn't keep our date last night.

I enclose a peace-offering:

In a few days you'll be exposed, for the first time, to Open School.

It's an experience.

Model parents will visit model teachers in model classrooms.

Let's sing this to them, with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan:

I am the very model of a modern teacher, well aware

Of all the new developments from Iowa to Delaware;

I've information sundry on my many students various

On all the graded levels of their tabulated areas.

(I go to lectures numerous to hear what all the Rumor is)

My back is full of callouses from my psychoanalysis

My head is full of insights and devoid of common fallacies.

The truant and the super-slow have my attention diligent;

I even have some time to give the normally intelligent!