Up The Down Staircase

PART V

25. A Message to Garcia

TO: ALL TEACHERS

FOR THOSE WHO MISSED LAST MONDAY'S ASSEMBLY BECAUSE OF THE CONFUSION RESULTING FROM SWITCHING X2 AND Y2 SECTIONS, A COPY OF DR. CLARKE'S ADDRESS TO THE HONOR STUDENTS IS ENCLOSED.

I AM PLEASED AND PRIVILEGED TO SALUTE AND CONGRATULATE THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE THROUGH YOUR OWN DETERMINATION AND STICKTOITEVENESS ACHIEVED AN HONORED AND ENVIABLE PLACE ON THE HONOR ROLL. YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY OF LEARNING FROM AND CONTRIBUTING TO THE CULTURAL HERITAGE OF THE GENERATIONS BEFORE AND AFTER YOU AS THEY HAVE LEARNED FROM AND CONTRIBUTED TO YOU. NOW YOU MUST DRAW UPON THE RICH WAREHOUSE OF SKILLS YOU HAVE ACQUIRED AND KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE WON AND CONTINUE TO FACE THE FUTURE, TO GO ONWARD TOWARDS VENTURES EVER NEW, FORWARD TOWARDS HORIZONS EVER WIDER. AS THE GREAT POET SO WELL PUT IT: 'SAY NOT THE STRUGGLE NAUGHT AVAILETH.' IT AVAILETH; IT AVAILETH INDEED; FOR NOTHING LASTING OR WORTHWHILE WAS EVER WON WITHOUT IT. YOU WHO HAVE THUS FOUGHT AND STRUGGLED TO ACHIEVE THE SPLENDID DISTINCTION OF A PLACE ON THE HONOR ROLL KNOW FULL WELL THAT THIS IS SO, AND AS I LOOK UPON YOUR PROUD AND HAPPY FACES, I AM REMINDED OF THE YOUNG MAN WHO, IF YOU RECALL, HAD SO ZEALOUSLY AND SO SELFLESSLY CARRIED THE MESSAGE TO GARCIA.

AND YET, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NOT ACHIEVED SUCH A PLACE ON THE HONOR ROLL MUST NOT FEEL THAT YOU HAVE FAILED. ON THE CONTRARY, IT IS YOU WHO ARE THE BACKBONE AND THE REAR-GUNNERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORGED AHEAD, FOR WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR CONTRIBUTION, THEY COULD NOT HAVE ACHIEVED WHAT THEY DID. IN A LARGE MEASURE OR SMALL, WE EACH AND ALL OF US ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE GOOD OF THE WHOLE, THOSE BEHIND THE THRONE AS WELL AS THOSE ON THE THRONE, WHICH IS THE ULTIMATE AIM AND GOAL OF DEMOCRACY IN ACTION. ANYONE WHO HAS HAD THE GOOD FORTUNE TO ATTEND OUR G.O. MEETINGS KNOWS THAT DEMOCRACY CAN AND DOES WORK, AND IT IS UP TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US TO PASS IT ON INTO THE FUTURE.

* * *

Sylvia!

No chance to stop by today.

My classes are being covered while I'm in auditorium, presumably blocking out Faculty Show. Actually, I'm writing my own version of Calvin Coolidge Gilbert & Sullivan. It will never pass by the censors, but may win a smile from you. Which is all I ask.

Teachers will play kids. What do you think of this number, for instance—played by our talented trio: Henrietta Pastorfield, Mary Lewis, and Charlotte Wolf?

Three little maids from school are we,
Nourished on heroin and 'tea,'
None with a Phi Beta Kappa key—
Three little maids from school!

Three little maids from Calvin Coolidge,
Giggly and wiggly and young and foolidge,
Out to avoid a little schoolage—
Three little maids from school!

In counterpart, the boys—played, I think, by Loomis, Manheim and McHabe:

Three little lads from school are we,
Beatniks, repeatniks, as you can see
(If you peruse our PPP)—
Three little lads from school!

Junior delinquents, always truant,
Each with an officer pursuant,
And a vocabulary fluent
Having to do with school!

Loomis: I keep on learning less and less, and
McHabe: I am what's known as quite a mess, and
Manheim:I am a problem adolescent—
Three little lads from school!

It's good to get out of the classroom, away from vapid faces blinking at me. You have one of them in your homeroom—Alice something—who bathes me in long, liquid glances. Lord preserve me from puppy crushes. My taste runs more to Chaucerian-scholar types.

Meet me at The Tavern after school? I need to get blotto. Got another 'Thank-you-for-letting-us-see-your- clever-manuscript-unfortiinately' letter. My characters are too improbable, they tell me. My setting, too exotic. Well, why not? One must escape.

This is no job for a man—or woman, either. Unless, like Clarke, you can spend the day sitting and knitting your brows. Here's one for him:

When I was a lad I went to school
And copied on the board the Golden Rule;
Each day I copied in a Palmer hand—
Not a word that I was writing did I understand!
I copied on the board so carefully
That now I am the Principal of Calvin C.!

I would have included his Message to Garcia speech, but the only rhyme I could think of was Marsha. And I don't know who she is. Too bad.

It's a memorable speech, an apt commentary on school. Everyone rushes urgently around to get the message in on time. But no one knows what the message is.

Why do you refuse to be in my show? You don't even have to sing.

Paul