Up The Down Staircase

We go to assembly today?

You want me to go down for the stuff from your letter-box, Miss Barnet?

All right. Now we'll just have to—

I can't write—I got a bum hand.

You gonna be our teacher?

Please come to order while I take attendance. And correct me if I mispronounce your name; I know how annoying that can be. I hope to get to know all of you soon. Abrams, Harry?

Here.

Quiet, please, so I can hear you. Allen, Frank?

Absent.

Absent?

He ain't here.

Isn't. Amdur, Janet?

Here.

Mr. Grayson says there's no one down there.

How can he say that when he's there?

That's what he says. Any answer?

No. Amdur, Janet?

I was here already.

Arbuzzi, Vincent? Yes, what do I have to sign now?

Nothing. I came back from the bathroom.

Can I have the pass?

Me, I'm next!

I said it first!

Blake, Alice?

I'm present, Miss Barrett.

Blanca, Carmelita?

Carole. I changed my name.

Blanca, Carole?

Here.

Borden—Yes?

Miss Finch wants you to make this out right away.

I'm in the middle of taking attendance. Borden—

She needs it right away.

Excuse me, class.

IN THE TWO COLUMNS LABELED MALE AND FEMALE, INDICATE THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS IN YOUR HOMEROOM SECTION BORN BETWEEN THE FOLLOWING DATES—

Please don't tilt that chair—Boy in the back—I'm talking to you—Oh!

So I fell. Big deal. Stop laughing, you bums, or I'll knock your brains out!

Are you hurt?

Naw, just my head.

You've got to make out an accident report, Miss Barrett, three copies, and send him to the nurse.

Aw, she ain't even allowed to give out aspirins.

Only tea.

Get your feet offa me!

You call this a chair?

He can sue the whole Board of Education!

Perhaps you'd better go to the nurse. And ask her for the accident report blanks. Yes, what can I do for you?

Miss Friedenberg wants last term's Service Credit cards.

I wasn't here last term. And what do you want?

Miss Finch is waiting for the attendance reports and absentee cards.

I'm in the middle of—Yes?

The office wants to know are the transportation cards ready?

The what cards?

Bus and subway.