FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.
PLEASE PLOT AND HAND IN THE MEDIAN PERCENTILE CURVE BASED ON THE MIDTERM MARKS IN EACH OF YOUR CLASSES. IF A CLASS CURVE FALLS BELOW THE PERCENTILE OF FAILURES ALLOTTED TO IT, THE EFFICACY OF THE TEACHER MUST BE QUESTIONED. TEACHERS WITH THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF PASSING STUDENTS ARE TO BE COMMENDED.
44. Lavatory Escort
Wed., Nov. 25
Dear Ellen,
It looks as if I might be fired from the school system—because I failed to provide a lavatory escort for Joe Ferone.
If this doesn't make sense, it's because it doesn't; but I’ll start at the beginning. It was during Midterm Exams this morning. Midterms are really final exams, but they're given in November, with high pomp and protocol. Books piled in front of the room, seats in alternate rows, kids: 'Can we copy?' 'What's the answer to question 2?' 'It's not fair! We never had this!' 'How we supposed to answer this?' Confusion about money to be collected for Thanksgiving baskets; confusion about Midterm exam envelopes delivered to the wrong room; confusion about proctoring assignments; and the usual confusion about bells. Finally silence, except for the scratching of pens and shuffling of feet.
Suddenly—a problem. Ferone has to leave the room. I escort him to the door—but there is no hall proctor in sight—and he is not supposed to go unescorted. What to do? His need is urgent. We stand in the doorway for a moment, testing each other with our eyes. The situation is fraught. This may be my chance to win his trust at last. I whisper—in order not to disturb the others—my permission for him to go alone. It is understood that he is honor-bound not to use the lavatory for any but legitimate purposes; not as a reference room, not to look up any answers that may be secreted on his person, not even for a quick smoke. He goes, and I return to my observation perch at the back of the room (so that the kids can't see whom I am watching: a tip from Admiral Ass!). A few minutes later, the Admiral himself appears in the doorway, white with rage, Ferone at his side. Clash of swords; two enemies face to face, on either side of Ferone; the showdown—but sotto-voce, for we have an audience.
McH: What is the meaning of this?
I: Of what?
McH: You let him out of the room unescorted?
I: He had to go
McH: Unescorted?
I: There was no hall proctor.
McH: You should have waited for one.
I: The situation did not warrant waiting.
McH: Do you realize his exam paper may be invalidated?
I: Why?
McH: He may have been looking up answers!
I: I don't think so. He told me he wouldn't.
McH: He told you?
I: Yes.
McH: And you believed him?
I: I believe him.
McH: Go back to your seat, young man. Miss Barrett, this is not the time and place to explain to you the gravity of your position. You had explicit instructions; you disobeyed them. You'll hear from me later. In the meantime, you will please put his paper aside when he is finished. The outcome of his examination will have a direct bearing on you. You understand that?
I: I think so.
McH: The second girl in the third row—eyes on your paper!
Exit the Admiral.
Ferone and I look at each other. His face is impassive. Will he fail the exam to vindicate me? He is very bright; he has been an F student only because he chose to be.
Suddenly he has become a moral issue by which I stand or fall. The incident of the lavatory has brought into focus my values against McHabe's—everything I believe in as opposed to all that is petty, regimented and rote in the school system; all that degrades the dignity of my profession, and consequently, of my pupils; my desire to teach well, as opposed to bureaucracy, trivia and waste.
Perhaps I am losing my sense of humor. It's easy to do that here. But I am still new enough to the system not to take its absurdities for granted. If only the McHabes didn't keep getting in the way, I think I could move a few mountains.
Now I have to mark, over the four-day Thanksgiving holiday, 201 papers. Each is in 5 parts. Each contains 2 compositions.
I shall keep you posted on further developments of the Barrett-Ferone-McHabe Lavatory Case. In the meantime, write me what the weather is like in the outside world.
P.S. Did you know that according to the tabulation of the National Council of Teachers of English, it takes six to ten minutes to grade a single composition, and that the city's teachers carry a pupil-load of 150 to 200 pupils per term?
45. It Has Come to my Attention
OFFICE OF THE PRINCIPAL
CALVIN COOLIDGE HIGH SCHOOL
Copy to Mr. McHabe Dr. Bester
Dear Miss Barrett,
It has come to my attention that due to laxness on your part in proctoring the Midterm examinations one of our students is under suspicion of cheating. This can have a demoralizing and corrupting effect on the rest of our student body, who have always and at all times upheld our high standards of moral and ethical integrity.
