Brave New Worlds

'That's it then, Todd,' Val said. 'I'm really sorry. Sandy's a wonderful woman, good researcher, but there's nothing we can do. '

'Aren't we supposed to be able to see signs before she reaches this stage?'

'Usually,' Val answered, 'but not always. Think back, though. I'm sure you'll remember signs. '

Todd swallowed. 'Have you got a space, Val? You knew Sandy back in the old days, back when we were kids in the—'

'Is this pressure, Todd?' Val asked abruptly. 'Appeal to friendship? Don't you know the law?'

'I know the law, dammit, I'm asking you, one medical researcher to another, is there room?'

'There's room, Todd,' Val answered, 'for the treatables. But if she's reverted to separation therapy, then what can I do? It's a matter of weeks. For your own safety you have to turn her over, never know what's going to happen during the final senility, you know. Hallucinations. Sometimes violence. There's still strength in the old bones. '

'She's committed no crime. '

'It's also the law,' Val reminded him. 'Good-bye. '

Todd hung up the phone. Turn her over? He'd never thought it would come to Sandy so suddenly. He couldn't just turn her over, she'd hate him, she had enough of herself left in herself to know what was going on. They'd been married thirteen years.

He went back to Ryan in the lab and told him to put the computers on the viral microscopy tomorrow.

'That's unscientific, to rush it,' said Ryan.

'Damned unscientific,' Todd agreed. 'Do it. '

'OK,' Ryan answered. 'It's Sandy, isn't it?'

'It's handwriting,' Todd said. 'It's all over the walls. '

Todd went home and found Sandy in the living room, cuddling a pillow and watching the tube. Someone was yelling at someone else. Sandy didn't care. She was stroking the pillow, making love noises. Todd sat on the chair and watched for her almost an hour. She never noticed him. She did, however, change pillows.

'Gog,' she said.

She listened for an answer, nodded, smiled, held the pillow to her breasts. Todd chewed his fingernails. His heart was fluttering.

He went into the kitchen and fixed dinner. She ate, though she spilled a great deal and threw her spoon on the floor.

He put her to bed. Then he showered, came back out, and crawled into bed beside her.

'What the hell do you think you're doing,' she challenged, her voice husky and mature.

'Going to bed,' Todd answered.

'Not in my bed, you bastard,' she said, shoving at him.

'My bed, you mean,' he said, even though he knew better.

She growled. Like a tiger, Todd thought. Then she clawed as his face. Her nails were long. He lurched back, his face on fire with pain. The motion carried him off the bed. He landed heavily on the floor. His brittle old bones ached at the impact. He felt for his eyes, to see if they were still there. they were.

'If you ever come back,' she said, 'I'll have my husband eat you alive. '

Todd didn't bother arguing. He went into the living room and curled up on the couch. For the first time he wished that children still lived at home nowadays. That even the two-year-old were there to talk to. He touched the pillow, pulled it toward him, then stopped himself. Pillows. One of the signs.

Not me, he thought.

He fell asleep surrounded by nightmares of childhood, attacked on all sides by sagging flesh and fragile bones and eyes and ears that had forgotten all they ever knew how to do.

He woke with the blood clotted stiffly on his face. His back was sore where he had struck the floor last night. He walked stiffly to the bathroom. When he washed the blood off his face the cuts opened again, and he spent a half hour stanching the bleeding.

When he left home, Sandy was sitting at the kitchen table, holding a tea party for herself and the pillows.

'Good-bye, Sandy,' Todd said.

'More tea, Gog?' she answered.

He did not go to the lab. Instead he went to the library and used his top security clearance to gain access to the gerontology section. It was illegal to use security clearance for personal purposes, but who would know? Who would care, for that matter. He found a volume entitled Psychology of Accelerated Aging by V.

N. Lassiter. He finished it at 1:00. Ryan looked irritated when Todd finally came in. 'We've been running the series without you,' he said, 'but holy hell, Todd, everybody's been on my back for doing it early. If you're going to give me a screwed-up order, at least be here to take the lumps. '

'Sorry. ' Todd started looking over the early readouts.

'You won't find anything yet,' Ryan said.

'I know,' Todd answered. 'But the meeting is on Friday. '

Ryan slammed down a sheaf of papers on his desk.

'We'll make the report then,' Todd went on.

'If we make a report then it will be worth exactly nothing,' Ryan said angrily.

'If we make a report then — and we will make a report then — it will be as accurate as human understanding can make it. Do you think we'll miss anything now? there's nothing. Our blood is no different from the blood of our great great grandfathers who lived to be ninety-five. There are no microbes. And viruses are just corkscrews. '

'If you do this,' Ryan said, 'I'll recommend that you be removed from your post and the viral microscopy series be run again. '

Todd laughed. 'Calm down,' he said. 'I'm twenty-four. '

Ryan looked at the floor. 'I'm sorry. '

'Hey,' Todd said, 'don't worry about it. In a few months, you can run the whole thing over again if you want. And the guy after you, and the one after him, run it over and over and over again through eternity. I won't care. You'll have your time in the sun, Ryan. You'll have six years as head of the department and you'll write papers, conduct research, and then you'll roll over like the rest of us and wiggle your feet in the air for a while and then you'll die. '

Ryan turned away. 'I've got the point, Todd. '

'Dr. Halking, boy,' Todd said. 'Dr. Halking to you until I'm dead. ' Todd walked to the window and opened it. Outside on the lawn was an afternoon rally of the Fatalists. 'Hasten the day,' they sang at the top of their decrepit lungs, white hair flashing in the breeze and the sunlight. 'Take me away, death is the answer, don't make me stay. '

'Shut the window,' Ryan said. Todd opened it wider. Two students, graduate students about sixteen years old, took a few quick steps toward him.

'Relax,' Todd said. 'I'm not jumping. '

Todd was still standing at the window when Val Lassiter came. 'Ryan called me,' Val said.

'I know,' Todd answered. 'I heard him call. '

'Let's talk,' Val answered. The students left the room. Val looked at Ryan, and he also left. 'they're gone,' Val said. 'Let's talk. ' Todd sat in a chair. 'I know what you're thinking,' Todd said. 'I'm showing the signs. '

'What signs?'

Todd sighed. 'Don't give me any of that psychiatrist crap. I read your book. I've got it all: Tears, worries, inability to bear delay, impatience with friends, unwillingness to admit any possibility of hope, suicidal behavior — I'm so far gone that if Jesus whispered in my ear, ‘You're saved, 'I'd believe and be baptized and not be surprised at all. '

'You shouldn't have read that book, Todd. '

'I read the book but I'm not over the edge, Val. I will be, I know, but not yet. It's just Sandy — I was a fool, I let myself get too attached, you know? I can't handle it. Can't let go. Keep feeling there's got to be a way. '

Val smiled and touched Todd's shoulder. 'You've devoted your life to finding a way. So have I. So have all of