trouble you have having kids.”
There was a good chance, I knew, that Maiwenn might not even survive the delivery. Or that her child wouldn’t. It was common among the gentry, sort of the cost for their long and healthy lives. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t wish death on either of them…and yet, how much simpler would things be if there was no Maiwenn and no baby? Even now, I could picture Kiyo by her side, holding her hand. His handsome face would be lined with worry as he spoke words of encouragement. Surely, with his human blood, their baby would be healthy and strong. And Maiwenn was a healer…. would that be useful to herself? Maybe. Everything would go well, I was certain, and they’d undoubtedly have a beautiful baby, one that would create a bond between them forever, a bond I could never be a part of….
I drank my next shot and noticed that Ysabel had manfully downed hers. “Nice work,” I said. “You want another?”
She shook her head. “I don’t consider it ladylike to drown oneself in excess, losing hold of inhibitions and all sense of decorum.”
“Of course you don’t,” I said.
“I believe,” she added primly, “that the Willow Queen shares my views.”
I smiled, spinning my cup on the ground, watching in fascination as it turned in smaller and smaller circles before coming to a stop. With Maiwenn’s baby consuming my thoughts, Ysabel’s baiting seemed insignificant tonight.
We continued on for a while, Rurik keeping up with me in shots, with Shaya only occasionally indulging. Ysabel seemed to have lost her fear of me and continued her running commentary of barbed remarks. I think knowing I was in a fragile state over Maiwenn’s labor had emboldened her. In fact, she was in the middle of some anecdote about how Kiyo and Maiwenn had first gotten involved when her words came to a halt, and her features lit up with surprise.
“My lord!” she cried, springing up just as one of my servants began announcing, “His royal majesty, King Dorian, of the House of Arkady, caller of earth-”
Dorian strode forward into the courtyard without waiting for his titles to finish. Ysabel fell to her knees before him, face radiant. “My lord!”
He gave her a brief nod of acknowledgment and then swept on past her toward me. I don’t think anyone except me saw the devastation that filled her face over the slight. Shaya and Rurik began to rise out of courtesy, but Dorian quickly motioned them down. Unfastening his cloak-it appeared to be navy in the moonlight-he spread it on the ground and sat beside me.
“Well, well, a party, and no one invited me.”
“It was kind of impromptu,” I said, reaching over to pour him a shot. My hand trembled as I held the bottle.
Dorian took it from me and finished pouring. He eyed me carefully. “And yet, it appears to have been going on for some time.”
“Yes. We’re toasting the birth of the next king or queen of the Willow Land.”
“So I’ve heard, which is why I came to see how the news was received here.” Dorian tossed back the tequila. His eyebrows rose in surprise at the taste, but it didn’t stop him from pouring another. “And don’t presume her child will inherit. It all depends on strength and power.”
His words reminded me distantly of Leith’s own inheritance problems, which then reminded me of Leith’s declaration of love. Ugh. I’d probably killed our one chance at engineering help. Well, that was a concern for another day. “How’d you get here so fast?” I asked Dorian.
“Not that fast. I heard hours ago.”
Hours ago. Dorian had found out before I had. Probably everyone had. Who was I, after all? Certainly no one who was connected to this birth. I was just another monarch who’d be expected to send jewels or tapestries when the baby was born. I poured another shot, but Shaya reached for it.
“May I have another?” She wasn’t a fan of this stuff, but I had a feeling she wanted to stop me from drinking any more. Oh, well. There appeared to be about one more shot in the bottle-though Dorian beat me to that one too.
“You’ll make yourself sick,” I warned, reaching for the bottle. Only a few drops poured into my cup.
“I’ll take my chances. This is a fascinating substance.”
“It comes from cacti,” I said helpfully, hoping it might deter him from that last shot. It didn’t.
“Intriguing,” he said after downing it. “You should try producing it here. I’m certain a number of people would trade for it.”
I couldn’t be certain in the near-darkness, but it looked like Shaya rolled her eyes.
Part of me resented Dorian’s presence, though I had to admit that he did a good job in keeping the subject away from Maiwenn and Kiyo. That didn’t stop me from thinking about them, of course, but I couldn’t help but smile as he entertained the others. Whether it was part of being a king or just something inherently Dorian, he had a powerful charisma about him that could make everyone laugh and stay captivated. With my social reticence, his were skills I admired-and occasionally envied.
As the night wore on, though, I could feel the tequila’s effects lessening a little. That wasn’t to say I still wasn’t drunk as hell; I’d taken down half that bottle myself. But, I wanted to go to bed while I was still in that delirious haze. It didn’t stop me from feeling down over Kiyo, but I had to imagine being sober would be worse.
Everyone stood up when I did, and I felt my legs struggle for balance. “Let me assist you,” said Shaya, reaching toward me. Dorian intervened before she could help.
“No, no. Allow me to guide the Thorn Queen to her room. I’d like a few words.” Ysabel’s face darkened at this, and he gave her a chastising look. “Oh, stop it. I’ll come to you shortly-provided Eugenie will allow me to stay overnight in her castle.”
“Sure, sure,” I said. “Come on over. Make yourself at home. Pick out curtains.”
He extended his arm to me, and I decided the indignity of letting Dorian guide me was less than that of me falling over in front of my servants. Ysabel’s eyes followed us furiously, and I couldn’t blame her. If my boyfriend were taking a drunk woman to her bedroom, I’d be pissed too.
“It was very high-handed of you to think I needed your moral support,” I told him once we were out of earshot of the others.
“Right. You only need the moral support of a bottle,” he teased. “Be honest, Eugenie. Your lover’s at the side of a former lover, eagerly awaiting the birth of their child. I’d be distressed as well.”
“Nothing distresses you,” I grumbled. We reached my room, and he followed me in without invitation.
“Plenty of things do,” he said. He frowned, ever so slightly, and it occurred to me he was none too sober himself.
I let go of his arm and walked over to the full-length mirror that stood on one side of the room, edged in gold. I’d pinned up my hair earlier and let it down now, wondering if I wanted to bother with sending Nia for a nightgown or if I’d just sleep in my clothes. Standing there, I stared at my body, thinking again of my mother’s claims that I was too skinny. I always argued it was an athletic build. Running my hands over the sides of my stomach and down to my hips, I studied my figure. Whatever you wanted to call it, it was slim.
“I can never do that for him,” I said in a small voice. “I can never give him a baby like she can.”
Dorian strolled over and stood behind me, meeting my eyes in the mirror. “Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. Kids were never on my radar…it was always a ‘maybe someday’ kind of thing. But now… knowing I can’t…” My hips and stomach suddenly seemed as unhealthily skinny as my mother had always said. They would remain untouched and infertile, never filling out with the kind of life Maiwenn’s had. I would never share that with Kiyo.
I flinched as Dorian reached from behind and placed his hands on the narrowest part of my waist. He rested his head on my shoulder, and I was too weary to shoo him away.
“You speak like someone who’s been condemned with infertility or like you’ve passed your prime.”
“I might as well be.”
“That’s not true. You’re young. You radiate health and fertility. You could have a dozen children.”
I shook my head slowly. “I can’t,” I said sadly. “I won’t. You know I won’t, no matter how much you and every other Otherworldly creature want me to.”
