Then the robbery happened, and now here she was, relapsing, going back to Tony, about to mess up her life all over again.
She knew that restarting something that had been so hard to end was a huge mistake. It was wrong to take her anger about the shooting out on Adam in this way, and it definitely wasn’t going to accomplish anything. Despite everything they’d been through and how angry she was, she loved Adam and wanted to improve their marriage and work out their differences. She knew that if she didn’t get herself to turn back she could ruin her life, but the pull to be with Tony and screw things up was so intense. She felt like something beyond her was controlling her, making her decisions, and she was just a witness to it all.
On the stairs, going up to his apartment, she was still trying to talk herself into turning back, reminding herself how much Adam meant to her, how this wouldn’t resolve anything, how it could make things worse, much worse, and then she saw Tony- in tight black boxer briefs and nothing else- and a few seconds later they were in his apartment and he was kissing her neck, pushing her up against the back of the front door. Her pants and turtleneck were off and he was sliding his hands up under her red lace panties, over her ass, saying, “I love when you wear this shit,” and she was moaning, “Oh, God, baby. Oh, God…”
Then, afterward, under his body on the floor, she thought, What the hell am I doing?
Tony looked into her eyes, smiled, and asked, “You want some Gatorade or somethin’?”
“I… I have to go,” she said, bending down, reaching for her jeans.
“What’s the hurry?” Tony said. “We got all night.”
“This was a mistake,” she said out loud, but to herself. “This was a huge mistake.”
“What’re you talking about?” He sounded seriously confused. “I thought you said you missed me.”
She pulled her jeans on, not bothering to zip or snap them. She was muttering to herself like a mantra, “Gotta get home, gotta get back, gotta get home, gotta get back…”
When she was about to put her turtleneck on Tony grabbed her wrist hard and said, “Come on, what’re you doing?”
“Please let go of me,” she said.
“Why? I don’t get it.”
He let go of her wrist, and she finished getting dressed.
“Was I too rough on you?” he asked. “I thought you like it like that.”
When she left his apartment and was going downstairs he screamed after her, “When am I gonna see you again? Don’t do this to me, baby! You know how much I love you, baby!”
She walked fast, saying to herself, “What an idiot, what a fuckin’ idiot.” She didn’t know if she was talking about herself or Tony, but she couldn’t believe she’d done such a stupid, impulsive thing. What the hell was she doing? She was forty- seven years old, acting like she was seventeen. It was no wonder Marissa had been giving them so much trouble lately- look who she had for a role model.
Several minutes later, as she approached her house, she was a little calmer- less emotional, anyway. Okay, so she’d had one minor slipup, but she could forget it ever happened; it didn’t have to mean anything. She just wondered about Tony. There was a tone in his voice, anger she’d never heard before. He’d already sent those flowers; what was he going to do next?
Damn it, she usually showered after having sex with Tony, and now she reeked of his cologne.
She opened the front door quietly, hoping Adam wasn’t home.
“Honey, that you?”
“Fuck me,” she muttered.
ten
When Adam saw all the news trucks and reporters out in front of the house, he thought, Oh, no, not again. He just wanted to get away from the house for a little while, de- stress, not have another pointless argument with Dana. He didn’t want to go through all of that having- to- defend- himself- tothe- reporters nonsense again.
He was planning to be curt, answer a question or two, then say, Sorry, in a hurry, and walk away. But surprisingly, the questioning today seemed to have a much different tone than last night. Even while asking questions like “Do you think your maid’s murder was related to the break- in last night?” and “Who do you think killed your maid?” and “Do you think your maid robbed your house?” the reporters seemed almost apologetic.
One reporter asked, “In the wake of the shooting this morning in Jackson Heights, do you feel vindicated, Dr. Bloom?”
“No, I don’t feel vindicated,” Adam said. “I feel justified, yes, but I felt justified yesterday, too. In my mind, nothing’s changed.”
Adam didn’t feel nearly as self- conscious as he had during last night’s questioning. He even ended making an impromptu speech, looking right into the camera, saying, “My family’s very saddened by the death of Gabriela Moreno. I don’t know if she was involved or wasn’t involved in the robbery of our house, but she was a wonderful woman, and I hope whoever killed her is brought to justice as soon as possible.”
Walking to the gym, he was proud of the way he’d handled himself. If there was a bright side to all of this, he was definitely overcoming his glossophobia. He thought he came off as confident and well- spoken, and the last bit was a perfect touch, not publicly blaming Gabriela, showing people that, despite everything, he was compassionate and forgiving. Okay, so maybe he was letting his ego take over and he was enjoying the attention a bit more than he ought to, but was there really anything so wrong with this?
As he walked along Austin Street in the main commercial area of Forest Hills, he couldn’t help looking around to see if anyone was recognizing him. No one seemed to be, but he expected people at the gym to come up to him. He didn’t know very many people there- most of the regulars were in their twenties and thirties- but they had seen him around and might have seen him on the TV news earlier and made the connection.
The girl at the front desk who scanned his membership card didn’t have any unusual reaction, and in the main part of the gym people were in their own worlds, watching TV, reading magazines or newspapers, listening to their iPods, or just focusing on their workouts.
After Adam did a half hour on an exercise bike, he headed toward the weight room. He passed Tony, one of the trainers. Tony was a nice guy, always talking to Adam about the Knicks, the Mets, and the Jets. He thought Tony might say something to him about the shooting, but he didn’t, and he wasn’t particularly friendly either. He glanced at Adam, then looked away and kept walking. That was weird. Eh, maybe he was just in a bad mood.
Adam finished his workout, breaking a nice sweat. He’d only lasted sixteen minutes on the treadmill, but maybe he could get up to twenty or twenty- five next time. He was looking forward to showering at home and making a few calls for work, and then maybe he and Dana could watch a movie together. He felt bad about fighting with her before, especially about the way he’d ended the argument, just walking out on her like that. He felt like he’d been manipulative. He knew how much his being dismissive bothered her, and it was wrong of him to try to push her buttons that way.
But then, when he arrived back at the house, he found a note:
Went to Sharon’s. Be back later. D The way she’d signed it “D” and not “Love, D” or even “XO D,” the way she normally would’ve, showed she was seriously upset, which annoyed Adam.
He could understand why Dana would be angry at him, but it seemed like she was taking it too far, going out and leaving a curt, nasty note. After all, had he done something so awful? He’d walked out on her in the middle of an argument and, oh yeah, he didn’t want to get rid of his gun- the gun that she had agreed to let him keep in the house, the gun that had saved their lives last night. He didn’t see why any of that warranted this kind of reaction, and, come to think of it, he didn’t like what she’d said to him before, how he was ruining their lives. What was that supposed to mean, anyway? Up until today he’d thought things had been pretty good between them lately. Okay, they needed to start spending more time together- what couple didn’t?- but they’d been expressing their anger well and hadn’t been arguing as much as they used to. But now, just because something horrible had happened to them last night, because they’d been through a tragedy, she was making him out to be this horrible person, this tormentor who was ruining her life?
The more Adam thought about it, the more upset he got. And to think, he’d actually been considering
