Horrors of the Dancing Gods

At Quest's end the details shall be explained for the benefit and edification of the survivors.

— Rules, Vol. VIII, p. 404(a)

'IS HE REALLY DEAD THIS TIME?^' MARGE ASKED MACORE, turning up her nose at the mass of charred and rotting flesh and limbs on the altar.

'Oh, I'm pretty sure he is,' the thief responded. 'Of course, you never know about the likes of him or the Sea of Dreams. If enough people start believing in him, he may be impossible to kill completely. On the other hand, what's the difference? You got to figure that he's stuck in the Sea of Dreams, and there's gonna be nobody else there but lots of superpowerful godlike beings all of whom received a bill of goods by him and then got double-crossed. I think if he does survive in some form, he'll quickly be nostalgic for the old lake-of-eternal-fire business. Out of our hair for good, anyway.'

Marge kissed him. 'But how in the world did you manage to turn up here just in the nick of time, and with an iron-based sword?'

He shrugged. 'I was late. What can I say? I got hung up, and everybody started doing things before I figured. Next time warn me and I won't oversleep.'

'That's not what I mean! Why and how are you here in the first place?'

'Oh, I've always been fairly close. I told you I have a lot of contracts and old debts down here. I came across on the same ship you did. Had one hell of a time staying out of sight'

'Then that was you!' Poquah breathed. 'So!'

Macore nodded. 'You're getting to be too much a creature of habit, Poquah. I read you like a book then. In fact, I got so confident, I even decided I could risk briefing Junior there so long as he didn't realize it was me. I spotted the girl in my disguise as a minor demon and figured she'd be a hell of a lot better off with you.'

'That explains it! I thought he was being warned off!' Marge exclaimed.

'I had to give that impression, but I knew no son of Joe's would leave a pretty damsel in distress. Something in the Rules about that, I think. Besides, I did want you all to know the situation with her before you made your decision.' He drew a deep breath and continued.

'Anyway, after that I was able to stick pretty close for a while, but Ruddygore decided that you were going on the straightforward path and drawing all the attention, see. That let me get here direct while you all went off to Castle Rock. Man! That was some show punching you all through! Seeing you come in like a rocket from Hell guarded by its legions was the height of absurdity. Damn near split my gut.'

'Very funny, We were walking into this bastard's trap, and you were laughing,' Marge grumped.

'Awwww… It's not all that bad. I figured, he, wasn't out to kill you. He coulda done that anytime, and he was clearly out for revenge instead. So long as you were alive, we could always fix what was wrong later.'

'Fix! What…?'

'The McGuffin, of course. I stole it maybe four, five days ago. Those two never even knew. Neither did Boquillas. I'll tell you how I did it sometime, if I don't write my memoirs. Damn! I'm still good!'

'You stole the McGuffin three days before we got here?' Even Irving was appalled. 'And we did all this for nothing?'

'Not for nothing, certainly. I wish I coulda been here early enough to have seen old Joel's face when he found out I'd switched birds, though.' He dropped the smile and got serious. 'Look, it's more complicated than you think. The McGuffin has great power, but it has really strong limits. You can feel that evil vortex yet, can't you? Ruddygore still hasn't completely got it closed. It's kind of nasty, since everything you do with it also has all sorts of other consequences. It has a kind of ruthless logic to it.'

'But he'll get it closed, right?'

'Sure he will. And he'll get us out of here, too. He got me back here with the swords and all sorts of stuff.' He paused. 'Look, we also wanted Boquillas, which is trickier than you might expect. You can't kill with that thing, for one example._, So, dealing with the Baron, maybe once and for all, was a priority. Second was Joe and her friend. Without Boquillas out of the way, we couldn't get 'em completely out of the Baron's clutches, I told you, it's complicated, but it'll work out.'

'So what do we do until he does work it out? We're still surrounded by a nasty enemy throughout this forest, we've got virtually no supplies, and there's little left to protect us. Not to mention that both Joe and his friend there are gonna give us little Boquillases any time now.'

Macore shrugged. 'I only take orders. But I know we'll be protected if we stick around here, and I have some supplies for a couple of days. Maybe we can just start renewing a few old ties, huh? Ruddygore's not gonna leave us in the lurch. Not now.'

A lot of sorcery and spells had flown around in those minutes, particularly the last ones, as they discovered when they all tried to relax and get their bearings during the day and evening that followed. The worst thing in fact was keeping Macore from telling or, worse, singing the entire saga of Gilligan's Island to them.

Irving found that his power, his spells, seemed to have vanished completely. He was certain that something else had changed about him, even though the others couldn't see anything and he couldn't put his finger on it. There had been an initial blast from Boquillas, and it had certainly done something.

Larae had been changed the most, although again it had only exaggerated what was already there. She really couldn't figure out what she was going to do now. 'In effect, I am a halfling, like her, now,' she noted, pointing to Alvi. 'The thing is, I don't really mind it, not anymore. I talked to her a little, and she had gotten to that same point, what with playacting for a long time, then getting sick of pretending and just being whatever she was. I am tired of it, too. It is just — God! I am getting turned on, and this time I can really feel it! That is my tragedy, Irving, in the end. I am in love with you. Very much so. Enough so that I can understand why you cannot feel the same about me.'

He sighed. 'When I watched you go after that idol, to risk that much, swing out, hanging by your feet, and snag that thing, couldn't begin to tell you what I felt. Truth is, I do love you, but it's got to be what they call star-crossed lovers. I want you, but I need Marge — or, rather, what Marge used to be. I don't think she'd be real good for me anymore as she is. If you can get by that, I can get by the rest. Deal?'

'Deal. But I am not going to pretend anymore to be what I am not. Whatever I am, I am.'

He sighed. 'Well, maybe Ruddygore can straighten it out'

'What about your dad?'

'That's a lot harder for either of us to get by,' Irving admitted. 'I think I want old Santa Claus around before I deal with it too much.'

Marge was catching up on things with Joe.

'They caught us very near this spot,' Joe told her. 'We'd come through some really mean spots and gotten out of some desperate times, particularly running low on food, water, and anything to buy, but we made it, or so we thought. Did it the hard way, vamping a little, doing a few odd jobs making some sick plants well, that kind of thing. But once here, boom! Right into Boquillas, who was so beside himself, it was pitiful. He told me what he was going to do, how he was going to lure you all here, all the stuff.

And then he changed us to what you see, literally half plants, rooted us, and raped us both repeatedly while leaving us on guard with compulsions to stop anybody from trying anything. We completely lost track of everything, I have to tell you. I don't know how long we've been here or anything else.' She looked at Marge. 'You haven't stayed a good girl, either, I see.'

'Nope. And I don't know if it's the condition or what, but I don't care. That's the amazing part. I really don't mind. Until this last business I've had more fun like this than I ever had as a Kauri.'

'But you seduce and enslave men and eventually consume their souls.'

She shrugged. 'Well, there's a downside to everything, I guess. The thing is, there's a ton of bums out there