attractive it always swings things back to you and away from me. I can`t compete
with you. But it`s not only your fault; the others play into this, and I need to ask
all of you a question.»
Bonnie swiveled her head looking briefly at each member in turn as she
said, «I never really get your interest—why not?»
The men in the room looked down. Bonnie didn`t wait for an answer but
continued: «And another thing, Rebecca, what I`m saying to you about girlfriends
is not news to you. I can remember clear as a bell you and Pam having an
identical go–around about this.»
Bonnie turned to Julius. «Speaking of Pam, I`ve been meaning to ask you,
«Any news of her? When is she coming back? I miss her.»
«That was fast!» Julius said, «Bonnie, you are the master of the whirlwind
segue! But for the moment I`m going to let you get away with it and answer your
question about Pam, mainly because I was going to announce that she e–mailed
me from Bombay. She`s finished her meditation retreat and will be returning soon
to the States. She should be here for the next meeting.»
Turning to Philip, Julius said, «You remember I mentioned Pam, our
missing member, to you?»
Philip replied with a brief nod.
«And,you, Philip, are the master of the fast nod,” said Tony. «It`s amazing
how much you stay in the middle of things without ever looking at anyone and
without saying very much. Look at all this stuff going on around you. Bonnie and
Rebecca squabbling over you. What are you feeling about all this? What are you
feeling about the group?»
When Philip did not immediately reply, Tony appeared uncomfortable. He
looked around the group: «Shit, whatis this? I feel like I`m breaking some kind of
rule here, like farting in church. I`m just asking him the same kind of question
everyone asks everyone else.»
Philip broke the short silence. «Fair enough. I require time to collect my
thoughts. Here`s what I was thinking. Bonnie and Rebecca have similar
afflictions. Bonnie cannot tolerate being unpopular, whereas Rebecca cannot
tolerate beingno longer popular. Both are hostages to the caprice of what others
think. In other words, happiness, for both of them, lies in the hands and heads
ofothers. And for both the solution is the same:the more one has in oneself, the
less one will want from others. ”
In the silence that followed one could almost hear sounds of cerebral
mastication as the group attempted to digest Philip`s words.
«It doesn`t appear that any of you are about to respond to Philip,” said
Julius, «so I want to address an error I think I made a couple of minutes ago.
Bonnie, I shouldn`t have gone along with your segue to Pam. I don`t want a
repeat of last week when your needs were not dealt with. A few minutes ago you
were talking about why the group often overlooked you, and I thought you took a
courageous step by asking everyone why you could not get their interest. But look
what happened then: in the very next breath you switched to Pam`s return to the
group, and, presto, in a couple of minutes, your question to us faded into history.»
«I noticed that, too,” said Stuart. «So, Bonnie, it`s like you arrange for us to
ignore you.»
«That`s good feedback.» Bonnie nodded her head. «Very good. I probably
do that a lot. I`ll do some thinking about that.»
Julius pressed on, «I appreciate the thanks, Bonnie, but I can`t help feeling
you`re doing the same thing now. Aren`t you saying, in effect, �that`s enough
focus on me.` I should have a Bonnie bell here and ring it every time you switch
away from yourself.»
«So what do I do?» Bonnie asked.
«Give us the reason you had no right to request feedback from us,” Julius
suggested.
«I guess I just don`t feel important enough.»
«But is it okay for others here to make this kind of request?»
«Oh, yes.»
«That means that others here are more important than you?»
Bonnie nodded.
«So, Bonnie, try this,” Julius continued, «look around at each of the
members here and answer this question:Who in this group is more important than
you? And why. ” Julius could hear himself purring. He was coasting in familiar
waters. For the first time in a while, certainly since Philip had entered the group,
he knew exactly what he was doing. He had done what the good group therapist
should do: he had translated one of his patient`s central issues into the here–and–now, where it could be explored firsthand. It was always more productive to focus
on the here–and–now than to work on the patient`s reconstructions of an event
from the past or from current outside life.
Swiveling her head to glance briefly at each person in the group, Bonnie
said, «Everyonehere is more important than I am—a lot more important.» Her face
was flushed, her breathing rapid. As much as she craved attention from others, it
was obvious that she now wanted nothing more than invisibility.
«Be specific, Bonnie,” Julius urged. «Whois more important.Why? ”
Bonnie looked around, «Everybody here. You, Julius—look how you`ve
helped everyone. Rebecca is drop–dead gorgeous, a successful lawyer, great kids.
Gill is the CFO of a large hospital—as well as being a hunk. Stuart—well, he`s a
busy doctor, helps children, helps parents; he has success written all over him.
Tony...” Bonnie paused for a moment.
«Welllll? This`ll be interesting.» Tony, dressed as always in blue jeans, a
black T–shirt, and sneakers splattered with paint stains, leaned back in his chair.
«First of all, Tony, you`re you—no posturing, no games, just pure honesty.
And you bad–mouth your profession, but I know you`re no ordinary carpenter;
you`re probably an artist at your work—I see that BMW roadster you scoot
around in. And you`re a hunk, too, I love you in a tight T–shirt. How`s that for
risk?» Bonnie looked around the group circle. «And, who else? Philip—you`ve
got intelligence to burn, you know everything—a teacher, you`re going to be a
therapist, your words fascinate everyone. And Pam? Pam is awesome, a university
professor, a free spirit; she compels attention; she`s been everywhere, knows
everyone, has read everything, stands up to anyone.»
«Reactions, anyone, to Bonnie`s explanation of why she`s less important
than each of you?» Julius`s eyes circled the group.
«Her answer doesn`t make sense to me,” said Gill.
«Can you tell her?» said Julius.
«Sorry, what I mean is—and I don`t want to offend—but Bonnie, your
answer sounds regressive...”
«Regressive?» Bonnie screwed her face up in puzzlement.
«Well, what this group is about is that we`re all just human beings trying to
