‘Where are you off to?’ said Gussie.
‘I’m going to wander up-stream.’
‘We’ll come with you,’ said Jeremy standing up.
‘No!’ I said sharply, then tried to make a joke of it. ‘I like walking by myself. I feel my Greta Garbo mood coming on.’
‘We’re going to Lorna’s parents for tea,’ said Gussie.
I didn’t join them. As I wandered through the meadows I tried to sort out what I really felt. It’s the heat and the proximity I kept telling myself. You’ve fallen for Gareth because he’s the first man to pull you up. It’s a challenge because he doesn’t fancy you — just as Jeremy was a challenge until you’d hooked him. But it was no good. Wanting Jeremy had been but a child’s caprice for a forbidden toy, nothing compared with the desperate need I felt for Gareth.
I wandered for miles and then sat down under a tree. I must have dozed off, for the shadows were lengthening when I woke up. I couldn’t face tea with the Hamiltons, teacups balanced on our knees, having post mortems about the party; so I went back to the boat. No one was about. I packed my suitcases, tidied the saloon and washed up lunch. I was behaving so well, I’d be qualifying for my girl guide badge at this rate.
Then I heard footsteps, and someone jumping on to the deck. I gave a shiver of excitement as a tall figure appeared in the doorway. But it was only Jeremy. Once more I felt that crippling kick of disappointment.
‘Why didn’t you turn up for tea? I’ve been worried about you.’
There was a predatory look in his eyes that suddenly had me scared and on my guard.
‘I fell asleep and when I woke up I realized it was late, so I came back here.’
‘And by telepathy I knew and followed you,’ he said.
‘Are the others coming?’
‘Not for ages. Gussie’s discovered a grand piano, so she’s happy strumming away. Gareth and Lorna have gone off for a walk together.’
My nails were cutting into the palms of my hands. Last night Gareth had kissed her. God knows what else he might get up to on a hot summer afternoon. I picked up some glasses.
‘Where are you going?’ asked Jeremy.
‘Putting these away.’
For a second he barred my way, then stood aside and followed me through into the saloon. Very slowly I stacked the glasses in the cupboard. When I turned round he was standing just behind me. He put his hands on my arms.
‘No,’ I said sharply.
‘No what? I haven’t done anything yet.’
‘Then let me go.’
‘The hell I will!’
His fingers tightened on my arms.
‘I want you,’ he said. ‘Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been burning up with wanting you.’
‘What about Gussie?’ I asked feebly. ‘We were going to wait till we got back to London.’
‘Oh come
He bent his head and kissed me, forcing my mouth open with his tongue.
‘No!’ I struggled, completely revolted. ‘No! No! No!’
‘Shut up,’ he said. ‘Don’t play the little hypocrite with me. We all know your reputation, darling. You wanted me, don’t pretend you didn’t, and now you’re going to get me, hot and strong.’
Desperately, I tried to pull away from him.
‘Let me go!’ I screamed.
But he only laughed and forced me back on to one of the bench seats, shutting my protesting mouth with his, tearing at the buttons of my shirt.
Suddenly a door opened. ‘Knock it off you two,’ said a voice of ice.
Jeremy sprang away from me. ‘What the fuck. .’
‘For God’s sake pull yourself together. Gussie’s just coming,’ said Gareth.
But it was too late, Gussie came bouncing into the saloon.
‘Darling love, I missed you. Hullo Tavy, did you get lost?’
Then, with agonizing slowness, she took in the situation, looking at my rumpled hair and torn shirt, the buttons of which I was frenziedly trying to do up, the smeared lipstick on Jeremy’s face, the chair knocked over, the papers strewn all over the floor.
There was a ghastly pause.
‘Octavia,’ she whispered in horror. ‘You of all people, how could you? You swore you weren’t interested in Jeremy. I thought you were a friend of mine. And as for you!’ She turned to Jeremy, ‘Don’t you think I want to marry you after this.’
She tugged at her engagement ring but it wouldn’t come off. Finally she gave a little sob and fled out of the cabin.
‘Go after her!’ said Gareth. ‘Say you’re sorry, that it didn’t mean anything — at once,’ he rapped out at Jeremy.
I collapsed into a chair, my heart pounding, my face in my hands. ‘Oh my God, how terrible!’
‘And you can belt up,’ Gareth snarled at me. ‘You’ve done enough damage for one afternoon.’
‘I tried to stop him, really I did.’
‘Don’t give me that. There’s no need to explain yourself. You were just running true to form.’ And he walked out of the saloon, slamming the door behind him.
The awful thing was that we still had to pack up the boat and Lorna had to drive us to the original mooring twenty miles away, where Jeremy and Gareth had parked their cars. Gussie insisted on sitting in the back with Gareth and sobbing all the way. Jeremy and I, loathing each other’s guts, had to sit in front with Lorna.
When we finally got to where the cars were parked, Gussie refused to drive back to London with Jeremy. Gareth didn’t even say goodbye.
God, how ironic, I thought miserably, it’s worked out exactly as I planned it should. Gussie and Jeremy breaking up and Jeremy driving me back to London. But instead of being in each other’s arms, we were at each other’s throats. Jeremy looked grey beneath his suntan, all the bravado and panache seemed to be knocked out of him. The trees by the roadside fell away and rushed back in clumps.
‘You’ve got to talk to Gussie,’ said Jeremy. ‘Tell her it was all your fault. All right, I admit I tried to pull you this afternoon, but my God, I had provocation.’
‘I know you did,’ I said listlessly. ‘I’m sorry. I thought I wanted you so much; then when it came to the crunch, I found I didn’t after all.’
‘Yeah well, it’s the same with me. I was crazy about you, but now I realize I’m in danger of losing Gus, it all seems a terrible mistake. It’s the ill-wind department, I suppose. Takes a jolt like this to make you realize how much you really need someone. She’s so straight, Gus.’
I’d seldom seen a man more shattered.
‘Tell her it was your doing,’ he pleaded. ‘Tell her how much you led me on. It’s no skin off your nose.’
‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll talk to her. But it’s no good trying to see her until tomorrow.’
Chapter Thirteen
On the day after we got back to London, I tried to ring Gussie several times at the office. Finally they admitted she hadn’t come in, so I went round to her flat. It was a typical girl’s flat — unwashed cups and overflowing ashtrays everywhere and three half-unpacked suitcases in the drawing-room. I removed a grubby white
