‘Oh, very likely on a Sunday afternoon! She’s just bloody inconsiderate.’
Jack went on reading the paper. ‘What have you got against her? She’s never done you any harm.’
‘Oh yes she has,’ hissed Maggie. ‘She divorced you. If she hadn’t, I’d never be saddled with you now.’
Still Jack didn’t look up.
‘There’s an extraordinary story here,’ he said to me, ‘about a woman who’s trying to get a crossing for toads on the Preston Motorway.’
‘Don’t bug me,’ screamed Maggie. ‘It’s a pity you’re not married to her if you think she’s so wonderful.’
‘I wish I was,’ said Jack quietly.
‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘Don’t say that, please don’t. You’re both pissed. You’ll regret it later.’
‘You keep out of it,’ yelled Maggie. ‘
Then the explosion came. Jack threw down the paper and got to his feet. ‘You spoilt little bitch,’ he said softly. ‘You’ve never done a bloody stroke in your life. You’re lousy at housework, you can’t hold down a job, you can’t organize the builders, or even remember to pick up a suit from the cleaners. The only thing you show any talent for at all is writing cheques, and bitching about my first wife. But you’re so bloody jealous of her you can’t even be civil to my child.’
‘Your child is a monster,’ howled Maggie.
‘Leave her out of it.’
‘How can I? You asked her to stay on.’
‘It never enters your thick head, I suppose, that if Fay gets work
‘And I suppose old Fairy Fay did.’
‘Yes, she did. She loved me.’
Maggie was very white around the mouth.
‘Why did you leave her then?’ she screamed.
‘Christ knows,’ said Jack.
‘I’ll tell you why. Because you were bored to death with her and she was no good in bed.’
‘She was a bloody sight better than you, if you want to know.’
Maggie gave a little gasp.
I put my head in my hands.
‘At least she didn’t just lie back and think of Pendle,’ said Jack viciously.
There are things that couples should only say to each other in bedrooms, when they get a sort of sexual kick out of seeing who can hurl the worst insults, knowing the battle will end up in bed.
‘Stop it,’ I screamed, ‘Stop it.’
Jack took no notice.
‘Just for four days out of your useless life,’ he went on, ‘you’ve got the opportunity to do something useful, to create some kind of relationship with Lucasta and you reject it.’
‘And if I’m lucky,’ hissed Maggie, ‘I get a conjuror to help me on Thursday. What’s all that about? You bastard. So that old bag was better in bed than me was she? And I have to act as Nanny to her flaming child. Well I won’t do it.’
‘I’ll be here,’ I said miserably, ‘I’ll look after her.’
‘Oh darling,’ said Maggie, turning her fury on me. ‘Ace wouldn’t hear of
‘Oh shut up,’ I shouted.
The door opened and in came Lucasta.
‘Daddy, my tooth’s come out, so that’s 50p from the fairies, and we lost the kite up a tree. Ace is still trying to get it down.’
‘Jesus,’ said Jack. ‘We’re now welcoming world listeners.’
I fled upstairs, trembling. I couldn’t bear it. Maggie had said awful things, but Jack had bugged her by that deliberately provocative telephone conversation, and afterwards he’d said far worse things than she had. Matters may have come to a head too. But I could see that their relationship was like a hydra. In a few hours it would have grown a dozen more heads.
I did my teeth and collapsed into bed. Oh the blissful welcome of cool, plumped pillows and smooth, turned- down sheets. The fire had been banked up, the water jug filled, and a new spray of winter jasmin put in the blue vase. All my mess of apple cores, books, tissues and sweet papers had been tidied up. Immediately McGonagall landed in the middle of my stomach, all four paws sticking out, tail going straight up in the air. Next moment he dived under the eiderdown, bicycling furiously against my toes.
I lay back on the pillows, still shaking.
The door opened and Coleridge wandered in, followed by Ace.
‘Good girl.’ He walked round the bed examining me as though I was a building site. ‘You didn’t stay up too long? How do you feel?’
‘Fine,’ I said brightly.
‘Liar.’ He put a hand on my forehead, ‘What happened?’
‘Maggie and Jack had a bit of a row.’
‘They were boiling up for it. Might clear the air. What was it about?’
‘Fay’s got a part. Jack said we’d hang on to Lucasta until Thursday, and have her birthday party here. Maggie had a go at Fay and Lucasta. Jack stuck up for them.’
‘A bit too much?’
‘Much too much.’
Ace sighed. ‘Christ, they never let up, do they? What d’you want for supper?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘How about some smoked salmon, and a glass of champagne?’
‘Oh God, that’d be lovely.’ Suddenly happy again, I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. ‘Won’t that give me a complete setback?’
Ace laughed. ‘Probably. I’ve given up.’
‘I liked your piece,’ I said. ‘It was wonderful.’
He seemed surprisingly pleased.
‘But you must be used to people telling you how good you are.’
Ace shrugged. ‘All writers run on flattery; you must know that.’
Coleridge chose that moment to clamber heavily on to the bed, with the kitten swinging for grim death on his tail. Pretending to ignore Ace, Coleridge circled three times then curled up on my feet and closed his eyes with a deep sigh.
‘I may have given up,’ said Ace, ‘but I’ve still got some standards left. Get off Coleridge.’
He won’t be nearly so attractive when his suntan fades, I tried to tell myself.
Chapter Eleven
After breakfast on Monday morning Lucasta wandered into my room, her eyes brimming with tears.
‘My tooth’s still there,’ she wailed. ‘The fairies forgot to come.’
‘Oh poor darling,’ I said, putting my arms round her.
‘And Daddy’s gone off to the office without even saying goodbye.’
She sobbed even louder. I suddenly realized how insecure she was, behind the precocity and apparent sophistication.
‘What’s the matter?’ said Ace appearing in the doorway.
