Appassionata

Another silly old fossil.

CRYSTELLE

A bullying beautician from Parker and Parker’s department store.

OLD CYRIL

Fourth Horn, RSO. Heavy drinker. Onetime great player.

HOWARD DENSTON

Wideboy partner in Shepherd Denston, the toughest music agents in New York.

HOWIE DENSTON

Howard’s son, a mega-manipulator, who runs the London office.

NICHOLAS DIGBY

The harassed orchestra manager, or ‘fixer’ of the RSO, who has the unenviable task of getting the right number or players on and off the platform. Known as ‘Knickers’.

MRS DIGGORY

Heroic cleaner of the Celtic Mafia’s Bordello.

DIZZY

Rupert Campbell-Black’s head groom.

DMITRI

A lyrical and lachrymose cellist, later Principal Cello of the RSO.

BLUE DONOVAN

Second Horn of the RSO — blue-eyed Irishman of great charm, who covers for Viking O’Neill, both on the platform and in life. Founder member of Viking’s gang, known as the ‘Celtic Mafia’.

DIXIE DOUGLAS

A Glaswegian hunk, whose light duties as an RSO trombone player leave him rather too much time to hell- raise and troublemake. Another member of the Celtic Mafia.

MRS EDWARDS

Helen Campbell-Black’s underworked cleaner.

ELDRED

A beleaguered Principal Clarinet.

ERNESTO

A bribable Italian judge at the Appleton Piano Competition.

FRANCIS FAIRCHILD

Second Desk First Violin of the RSO nicknamed the ‘Good Loser? because he’s always mislaying his possessions.

LIONEL FIELDING

Leader of the RSO. A vainglorious narcissist.

HUGO DE GINESTRE

The charming, chivalrous, French-Canadian Co-leader of the RSO.

GISELA

Sir Rodney Macintosh’s cherishing housekeeper.

ROWENA GODBOLD

Charismatic bloude First Horn of the Cotchester Chamber Orchestra (CCO), the RSO’s deadly rivals.

PABLO GONZALES

An ancient Spanish pianist of great renown.

HELEN GORDON (formerly CAMPBELL-BLACK)

Rupert’s first wife, now married to his old chef d’equipe, Malise Gordon. A legendary beauty and devoted mother of Marcus and less so of Tabitha.

GILBERT GREENFORD

A caring beard from the Arts Council. Mark Carling’s cross.

GWYNNETH

A caftanned barrel from the Arts Council, Gilbert Greenford’s ‘partner’ and another of Mark Calling’s crosses.

RANDY HAMILTON

Third Trumpet from a brass-band and Army background. Another Celtic Mafia hell-raiser.

HERMIONE HAREFIELD

World-famous diva and Rannaldini’s mistress, who brings out the Crippen in all of us.

DIRTY HARRY

A bass player who never washes.

LYSANDER HAWKLEY

Rupert Campbell-Black’s jockey, the man who made husbands jealous.

HARVEY THE HEAVY

George Hungerford’s chauffeur and minder.

OLD HENRY

Oldest member of the RSO, once auditioned successfully for Toscanini, now rank-and-file First Violin.

ANTHEA HISLOP

A pianist, mostly employed for her sex appeal.

GEORGE HUNGERFORD

An extremely successful property developer.

MOTHER MARIA