Close knit family

said that you trust me, and now you know how important it is that I can trust you… and what can happen if that trust is ruined because somebody did something dumb, or forgot, or got mad.'

Solemn again, Donna told me 'I know what you're telling me, Uncle Ted, and how much trouble there can be if we aren't careful — that we have to take care of the serious parts before we can do the fun ones.'

Smiling, I told her 'That's exactly right. That's what really being grown up is all about. You just listened to me talk; now it's your turn. Is there anything you want to say to me? Or ask?'

'Not right now. Later, maybe.'

'That's fine, dear. Any time any of you wants to talk to me, or ask me something, that's fine. It's just about doing stuff with each other that we have to think extra about.', I told her, before taking her in my arms and giving her a hug. She readily hugged me back, and I could see that although she was still serious about what we'd talked about, she was happy that it hadn't changed how I felt about her.

My change in attitude wasn't just about me and the girls; I also began making sure that I was doing my fair share about other things, too. I began to make the time to help with some of the household chores that weren't assigned to the girls — and reminding them of the ones they did have, when necessary; taking care of the myriad of small jobs that seemed to crop up in a house, like fixing a leaky faucet or oiling a noisy door hinge; cutting the grass myself, instead of renting a neighbor kid do it.

It was maybe a couple of weeks after I'd talked to Donna, and after the girls had gone to bed one evening, when Teresa told me 'I don't know what's gotten into you, Ted, or what's changed… but I haven't missed noticing that you're being a lot more 'involved' around here lately. Don't get me wrong — I appreciate it; but I wonder what brought it on, too.'

'Remember a couple weeks ago, when I was having a problem with one of the girls?'

She gave me a half-smile before answering 'Yeah, I remember. You were zoned out on us all through supper, and disappeared downstairs right after. You weren't entirely with us even at breakfast the next morning.'

A little shame-faced, I told her 'I had a lot on my mind, and the things you said to me when you got home got me thinking about a lot of other stuff, too. Along the way of getting things worked out in my head about the girls, I realized a few other things, too — one of them being that I wasn't really doing as much around here as I should. It wasn't fair to you or the girls, so I decided to stop cutting myself so much slack. I told you on the way home after we went out that night that you do a lot for me, and I figured that I was overdue to start doing things for you, too. I know I spent a lot of time just… coasting along since I got here, and I'm not going to do that any more.'

I didn't know quite what to make of the expression on her face as she told me 'I didn't mind that you were… coasting, as you say. You were still trying to get yourself back together after your divorce, and I knew it was different for you than it was for me — my marriage wasn't all that damn good to start with, and it ended fast and hard. I knew how hard you tried to make yours work, and how much crap you had to deal with while it dragged out; so I was fine with you coasting after something like that. But I have to admit that it's nice that you're getting it in gear, so to speak.'

I gave her a wry grin as I replied 'I'm not sure that I have, yet.'

'I don't think you're going to slack off. When I first noticed the change, I thought maybe you were just 'working off' something, but you've kept at it — and even gotten better about it. I don't know if you realize it, but when the girls started to argue about what show they wanted to watch tonight, you gave them a chance to settle it themselves; when they didn't, you just stepped in and put an end to it — no muss, no fuss.'

'I'm sorry if I stepped on your toes, or hurt anybody's feelings.', I answered, sheepish.

Teresa just laughed before saying 'You didn't, not even a little bit. After you did it, I realized that they'd have kept on until I DID get annoyed with them, so you were putting an end to it before I would have had to. And it didn't hurt them or me in the slightest; when you did it, I saw that they knew what they'd been doing, and by stepping in when you did, you actually put an end to it before any of them did end up with hurt feelings — and because it was still early in the argument, you were able to squash it quieter and nicer than would have happened if you'd waited for me to do it. Ted, all of them love you as much as you love them, and you're a good influence on them, whether you or they realize it, or not. Maybe you can't see how much they've changed since you got here, but I sure can!'

She took a breath then, and with a more serious tone, told me 'I think I know — at least, a little bit — what you decided about whichever one of them was troubling you that night. This last week, all three of them have actually made it a point to come and talk to me, independent from the others. All three of them have had pretty much the same things to say, but with different words, and wanted to make sure I was okay with them being with you — not just about whatever has already gone on between you and them, but that more might happen, too. I don't think that I'd have to tell you this, but I want to; I've said it before, but that was before you had your 'night out'. So here it is… I'm fine with them coming to you — whenever they want to, for however long, for whatever reason. I know that all of them want to be grown up, and sometimes even feel or think that they are; and I have every reason in the world, I think, to believe that you're trying to help them. I don't doubt for even a moment that you're trying to teach them what it means to be an adult, and how they can do it. I know, know mind you! that you aren't going to hurt them, or let them hurt themselves — but that if you have to, you'll let them learn what they have to know the hard way, too. You'll love them, and be gentle and patient with them — but without spoiling them, either. Like I told you that night — whatever one of them might come to you about, it's a pretty safe bet that it's something she'd try to find out about, anyway; for all the good that I know you'll do them, and everything else I know you'll teach them, I'm not going to quibble about something as relatively trivial as how you do those things.'

Sure, I'd told the girls that I didn't need to hear from their mother that they'd talked to her, or that she would accept the increased intimacy between me and them; but since she did tell me those things, and more… well, it did a lot to put my mind at rest. I figured that turnabout was fair play, and that I could (and should) do what I could to resolve any concerns she might have.

Looking into her eyes, I told her 'Thank you. Not just for letting me know that you noticed I'm participating more, but that you appreciate it. You told me that night that you didn't need to know what was wanted from me, and it didn't matter — and then told me why. You just said that you've got a little bit of an idea of what I decided that night, and from what you've told me, I think you do. You've also given me a vote of confidence by making it clear that you trust your daughters with me, and I want to thank you for that, too — and let you know that I will never give you any reason to regret doing so. You said that you don't need to know what happens between me and them, and I'll respect that. I haven't necessarily tried to be a good influence on them before; if you think that I have, anyway, then I want to tell you that I will be trying from here on. Yes, I love them — as much as if they were my own; and no, I won't hurt them, or let them hurt themselves. And if that's the way it has to be, then I'll let them learn the hard way… even if it hurts me. Above all, I'll cherish them, always.'

I could see tears forming in Teresa's eyes as she quietly told me 'Thank you, Ted.', with a smile on her lips.

I smiled back, and trying to tease her out of any sadness, said 'Now that we've got all that mushy stuff out of the way, I think it's about time we get some sleep.', before standing up.

After a short laugh, Teresa stood up, too, then came over and gave me a hug. When she released me, I gave her a soft kiss on the lips before saying 'See you in the morning.', and getting a

'Good night, Ted.' in return.

Late morning the following Saturday, I was downstairs in my place watching one of the home improvement and repair programs on public television when I heard Donna call down to see if I was busy. I told her I wasn't, and turned the TV off, then heard as more than one pair of feet came down the stairs. A second later, I saw that all three girls had come down for a visit; Wendy with a book in her hand.

As I was looking at them, Karen told me 'Mom went out to go visit with Martha' — one of her friends from work — 'and we thought this would be a good time to maybe, uh, learn some stuff.'

The way she was talking told me that all three of them were there about some aspect of sex -

but what, and why, I didn't know. That was cleared up when Donna told me 'I wanted to come see you about the other stuff we talked about, and I kinda talked about it a little bit with Karen, and she said she wanted to