forget all your values, and indulge yourself in the barbarity of blood,’ he continued, gazing at me, unblinking, with his hawk’s eyes.
I had had enough. I drained the wine, then rose and walked to the door, to leave. He followed me, and gently placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me.
‘Please sit down, my friend. I’m truly sorry for your loss. I understand. You are trying to make his death into something meaningful. That is right and proper. But you must focus your anger and grief better.’
‘How?’ I said, desperately.
‘Do not indulge yourself in a self-pitying, self-gratifying revenge. More than likely you would simply end up dead as well. And think, too, about the cost of your actions to those who love you dearly. I, for one, could not bear to lose you,’ he said.
I remained standing, silent, baffled by the chaos of my feelings and the pain that found me everywhere.
Nakht calmly led me back to the couch, and I sat down again, like a child.
‘There is another way to think about this as well,’ he added.
‘And what’s that?’
‘You are lucky indeed to have had such a friend, to mourn his loss so deeply. Would he want you to indulge yourself in this display of blame and revenge? I doubt it,’ he said.
I didn’t want to modify the intensity of my bitterness. I didn’t want to listen to these philosophical arguments. He saw my frustration, and continued: ‘I hope that were I to die, you would do the same for me. You would make my death meaningful by remembering me. By taking me to the tomb in honour and love. That is what the dead ask of their friends,’ he said.
As we sat together, in the sunlight that slanted into the room, I thought about his words. For a moment, it even seemed possible. I swore then that if I returned to Thebes alive, I would lay Khety to rest in his tomb with my own hands, with all the rites. But first I would have my revenge.
‘When do we leave for the Hittite capital?’ I asked.
Nakht glanced at me warily.
‘Under the circumstances, I doubt you are fully equipped to deal with the severe demands of the mission,’ he said.
But I had to persuade him of my fitness to undertake the quest. It now offered me an exceptional chance to investigate the start of the opium trade in the north, and then to trace it back to Thebes, and perhaps to ‘Obsidian’ himself. Something told me I would never find him if I stayed in the city. I would have to track him in the sands of the wastelands beyond Egypt’s borders. But I would find him.
‘Only yesterday the Queen commanded me to attend you as your bodyguard, and I will obey. You also gave me strong inducements and incentives. And you promised me my family would be safe in your house. Is it not better that I leave Thebes? If I stayed, I would have no peace until I found Khety’s killer.’
His topaz eyes considered me.
‘Our mission is of vital national importance. Nothing can be allowed to compromise the achievement of our goals,’ he said. ‘I will not tolerate anything less than your complete commitment. If at any time I consider your emotional state to be a problem, I will send you home immediately. No one is irreplaceable. Not even you. Is that understood?’
‘I understand,’ I replied.
I felt a shadow pass between us. For a long moment I thought he was going to refuse me. But then he rose and embraced me formally, briefly, and without great warmth.
‘Then you had better tell Tanefert and the children. We leave tomorrow.’
I walked up the lane to the gate of my house. I nodded respectfully to the little statuette of the household God in his niche, and for once asked for his blessing. Inside, the girls were sitting together on the floor, Sekhmet working on a papyrus roll, studying medicine, writing fluidly, the others trying to copy her with their own brushes. As soon as I walked in they ran over, and threw themselves around me, crying for Khety. Tanefert must have told them. I smoothed their hair, and dried their tears.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said.
They nodded, and sniffed, and it was a relief to comfort them and share their sorrow.
‘Come, let us eat dinner together,’ I said.
I made an effort to talk, and not to fall into the silence of grief about Khety’s death. While the girls cleaned the dishes in the yard, I beckoned Tanefert into our sleeping room. The girls looked at us curiously, knowing something was up, so I waved them away, and drew the curtain across to give us some privacy. Tanefert assumed I needed to talk to her about Khety.
‘How are you, my love?’ she asked, putting her arms around me.
I kissed her. She gazed at my face. And then she pulled away slightly.
‘Something else has happened, hasn’t it?’ she asked.
I hesitated. I had to speak now.
‘I have been dismissed from the Medjay.’
Her expression darkened with despair, and she put her face into her hands.
‘Oh no…’
‘But I’ve had a new offer of work. It’s a very good offer,’ I began, placing the little bag of gold in her hands.
She fixed me with one of her famous stares.
‘If it were good news, you would not need to talk like this, nor would you bribe me with gold,’ she countered. ‘Where did you get this? And what have you done to earn it?’
‘Let me finish,’ I replied. She sighed, and nodded.
‘Nakht has offered me work. Not just as a bodyguard. Not only will I be handsomely rewarded with more gold, but he has also promised me something much more important. He will promote me. If we are successful, I will take over Nebamun’s post. I would be Chief of the Medjay.’
Her eyes were taking everything in, every half-truth, every nuance, every uncertain justification and assertion in my voice.
‘Nakht is a very powerful man, but such a promise must carry with it a heavy price,’ she said.
‘Yes.’
‘So tell me,’ she urged. ‘I can’t stand it when you don’t tell me everything.’
‘I must accompany him on a long journey. And I cannot tell you where I am going, or when I will be back.’
Her eyes were blazing. I thought she was going to slap me.
‘You promised me you would never leave us again. You promised!’
And then she threw the bag of gold down, walked out of the room, and disappeared into the yard.
I picked up the bag of gold and placed it carefully on the couch. My world had collapsed in a day. I went into the kitchen, where the girls and Amenmose were waiting, agog.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Sekhmet.
‘Stop asking questions,’ I snapped, and sat down at the end of the table. Sekhmet was shocked into silence. Amenmose’s lower lip was quivering, a prelude to a drama of tears and recriminations. I whisked him into my lap and kissed his face.
‘Come here. Don’t cry. I need you all to help me.’
My son considered his options, and then nodded, deciding curiosity was better than crying.
The others gathered closer.
‘Your Uncle Nakht and I have to go away on a long journey, and while I’m away I need you to take great care of your mother.’
The two younger girls instantly set up a howl of grief, begging me not to leave them. Only Sekhmet reacted differently.
‘Where are you going, Father?’ she asked.
‘I can’t tell you exactly. But we’re going all the way to the northern sea, and then even further north.’
Her eyes widened.
‘If you are going with Uncle Nakht, then you must be going on very important official business,’ she said. ‘Is it
