Egypt

to do with the wars?’

‘I can’t tell you. But it’s very important and secret. So you must not tell anyone. Do you promise?’ She nodded, her eyes shining, excited to be a conspirator in the great adventure. I put my arm around her, held her close, and kissed her brow.

‘Clever girl. I need you to look after your sisters, and your brother, and your mother.’

She nodded. ‘I’m an adult now, Father. You can rely on me.’

‘I know I can.’ I stroked her hair. I adored her self-belief.

‘No wonder Mother didn’t take this well,’ she said. ‘You did promise never to go away again.’ And she glanced at me sideways.

‘I did promise. And I wouldn’t break that promise unless it was extremely important for me to do so. There is more at stake than I can explain. But I want the world to be safe for you. And that’s why I’m going.’

‘I know, Father,’ she replied. ‘I’m just frightened something bad will happen to you. I would want to die, too, if it did.’

To disguise my sudden distress at her words, I turned quickly back to the other girls, who had easily abandoned their grief as they followed my conversation with Sekhmet.

‘Now, the other news is good news. Nakht has invited you all to live in his mansion during the whole time of my journey. How does that sound?’

While the four of them jumped up and down in enthusiastic joy, and ran around the kitchen in their delight at this prospect of luxurious accommodation, I went outside, and found Tanefert sitting under the fig tree in the dark. I plucked a ripe fruit from the tree, and offered it to her; she ignored me. We sat in silence for a little. I rolled the useless treat in my hand.

‘I’m sorry,’ was all I could find to say.

She scoffed: ‘Sorry is easy. It’s just a word. You’ve already made your mind up. So there’s no point in talking more,’ she said, and rose to walk away from me.

I reached out and gripped her hand. She struggled to free herself, but I would not let her go.

‘You’re hurting me,’ she said.

‘Don’t just-walk away. Talk to me,’ I said. I kissed her hand, hoping my feelings would show themselves in this way, when words failed me.

‘I’m so frightened,’ she said, after a while. ‘Some days it feels as if the world is falling apart. And I don’t know how to hold it all together for us.’

‘Everything will be fine,’ I answered, uselessly.

‘What will I tell the children if you never return? What will I tell myself?’

‘I will return, I promise you that,’ I said. ‘And then everything will change. Everything will get better again.’

‘I know you would only do this if you thought you were doing the best for us all. But sometimes you get obsessed with an idea, and you forget about us. I would much rather have a living husband with no job and no gold than a dead one. I don’t care how much Nakht has offered, your life simply isn’t worth the risk. And I know it must be dangerous, because why else would you have to go?’

‘I have no choice,’ I replied. It felt like the most honest thing I had said.

‘You always have a choice,’ she insisted. ‘Always. And you shouldn’t make decisions like this, not now, not when you’re grieving. I know you, my husband. You are being driven by rage and guilt. But Khety’s death was not your fault.’

‘Yes it was.’

She looked at me unflinchingly. ‘And so you put your rage and your revenge before your family?’

She had spoken the truth. I felt the cold blade of guilt slip into my heart. I wanted to tell her I had changed my mind. But something else would not let me. I forced myself to keep going.

‘I promise you I will return within three months. And then everything will be well.’

She was silent for a long moment.

‘When must you go?’ she asked, eventually, in a strange voice.

‘Tomorrow morning,’ I replied.

‘Tomorrow?’

She was incredulous.

‘We are your family. And you have chosen against us. I do not know how I will forgive you.’

And she walked away into the house, leaving me in the dark. I threw the fig into the shadows.

Part Two

This northern boundary is as far as that inverted water which goes downstream in going upstream…

Tombos stele of Tutmosis I

12

Ra rose above the dark horizon, and the Great River instantly caught the glory of the first light on its vast, shadowy surface, and glittered into splendid life.

I stood on the ship’s deck and gazed out at Thebes, waking to another day of heat and work. I looked at the crowded docks; at the high temple walls, and the long, fluttering flags on their poles; at the districts of rich villas; and across the Great River at the Malkata Palace itself, where the Queen would be awake, and perhaps praying to Amun, God of Thebes, the Hidden One, for the success of our venture. I would not see my city again for many months. If we failed, then perhaps I would never return. Strangely, I found I no longer had strong feelings about that turn of events, or rather, I felt numb at the possibility of my own death. I thought of our hieroglyph for the word ‘expedition’: a kneeling man holding a bow, followed by the sign for a boat. I felt like that man, only my weapon was a dagger. I touched its handle; I would keep it tied across my chest at all times, in readiness.

I looked down the elegant curve of the wooden gunwales that ran the long length of the ship. The Eye of Horus was painted boldly on either side of the prow, offering the protection of the God of the Sky, together with falcons on pedestals. Stylized plants painted in interlocking patterns ran entwined along the length of the hull, together with long, bold lines in red and blue, to the high stern where the Goddess Maat, Keeper of Justice and Harmony, was depicted kneeling with her wings open beneath the helmsman’s platform. The spacious cabin at the centre of the ship was decorated with a chequerboard pattern in black and white. The great timbers of the ship’s keel, ribs and crossbeams and decking were strong and clean. It was a good ship, and along with my dagger, it gave me comfort.

Nakht and his manservant Minmose were supervising the delivery and placement within the cabin of his sealed travelling trunks, which I assumed contained the tablets of the secret letters from the Queen to the King of the Hittites, as well as diplomatic gifts of gold, and the necessary finances, documents and permissions for our journey. There was suddenly a clatter of hooves on the quay stones, and from out of the dawn shadows a splendid chariot drew up. Nakht hurried ashore to greet the arrival: a tall, dignified foreigner, in an unusual, dark embroidered cloak of fine wool, accompanied by a small contingent of troops. The party hurried on to the ship, and to the privacy of their cabin, as if anxious not to be seen. I understood that, for this was the Hittite ambassador, Hattusa and his retinue, returning with us to their native land.

The sailors made their last preparations for departure. The blades of the two great steering oars, painted with blue and white lotus flowers, and more udjat eyes, were carried from the roof of the cabin, where they were stored when not in use, to the stern, where they were placed into the leather loops, and