It seemed to me that Charles did not manage with much virility and I felt that there was a great difference in the size of the instrument that was now perforating me and that of M. de Vycabre. Moreover, he did not speak to me, did not say any of those things overheard by me, and which I believed could not be separated from the operation we were performing.
At last Charles seemed to gather a little more strength and gave a solid thrust-I imitated him, at the same time stiffening myself. The pain caused me to cry out, but I had the satisfaction of feeling myself penetrated, for his entire instrument was now in me.
For a moment my husband continued his movement back and forth, then he quivered, uttered several sighs and remaining motionless. I now felt the warm liquor flood me and diminish a little the roasting pain that was devouring me.
Charles withdrew and stretched himself at my side, visibly fatigued.
While as for me, despite my desires and imagination I had not experienced any pleasure. I was not astonished at this as Helene had already warned me that it would be so.
Charles kissed me and then wished me good night, turned his back on me and promptly went to sleep.
I remained very much astonished and embarrassed. I was willing to recommence and, in spite of my pain, I was quite ready to do so. At last I made up my mind it was no use in waiting so I went to sleep in my turn.
I awoke late the next morning; much to my surprise, I was alone.
Suddenly Charles came out of the dressing room and approached me.
He was already dressed. He kissed me on the forehead, said some affectionate words to me, enquired whether I had slept well, but all was cold.
My heart, ready to fly towards him, stood still; it seemed to me that he should have stayed with me till I woke in order to press me in his arms, to speak to me of love and happiness-in short to recommence his caresses of the evening before.
I felt that I should have responded to his transports and that no apprehension of pain would have restrained me from receiving him. In short, a doubt as to my future tightened in my breast. This was not what I had dreamt of.
Charles quitted the room saying that he would leave me to dress myself. I did not even think of doing so and buried myself in sad reflections. A loving voice called me and Helene ran in to kiss me.
I flung my arms around her neck, embraced her and burst into tears.
'What is it then? Bon Dieu! dear child!' she said to me.
In truth I should have been much embarrassed to reply; it would have been impossible for me to articulate my grief. This was not my dream of love and I felt that the ardent fire that burned within me would not find the release it so urgently sought.
Helene thought that I was simply experiencing a nervous moment and she exerted herself to calm me by joking with me, soon the natural gaiety of my character came to the surface, I arose and plunged into the bath that my maid had drawn for me.
The day passed pleasantly; everybody around me was happy and my husband seemed to be enchanted. He was gallant and as tender as his nature allowed him to be, this put me at my ease and I returned his caresses less timidly.
The night came and he carried me off to bed early, less constrained himself than the night before. He pressed me in his arms and told me that he loved me and kissed me very tenderly. I ventured to say to him that I also loved him and I gave him a kiss that electrified him, for I felt something hard pressing against my thigh that seemed to promise me some satisfaction.
As on the evening before, he bent to my ear and whispered: 'Do you want us to repeat what we did last night?
I did not reply but could not prevent myself from opening my thighs and furtively drawing up my chemise. He placed himself on me. I put my arms around his neck, waiting for the moment impatiently.
I speedily felt the head of his instrument and I profited by his agitation to introduce it as far as possible in me. A lively enough pain was still produced but I did not stop there, pleasure and the fire that raced through my veins made me forget the discomfort. I already felt the forerunners of enjoyment and I put a check on myself in order not to speak-to say what I really felt.
I now understood perfectly the words of my aunt, but the silence of Charles, who seemed concentrated entirely on himself, prevented my giving vent to my feelings.
Charles continued his movements and kissed me, but he did not seem to be transported out of himself as I could have wished.
However I was now very happy, it seemed to me that I was melting away. I could not prevent myself from giving a thrust of the loins and uttering an exclamation. Now I remained motionless-I enjoyed even losing consciousness-Charles stopped, seemingly astonished at my transports; I restrained myself and he went on again.
What more shall I say? He was a long time with this sweet business, and I shed the sweet celestial dew four times! At last I felt him tremble, and sigh and a jet of flame inundated me inside.
We both lay still. I was exalted and ready to begin again; he was broken and, desiring only slumber, slept!
PART TWO
On awakening, the next morning, I found myself alone. I was not displeased and thought over the whole scene of the night before.
I was curious to inspect myself so, sitting on a pillow, my legs well apart, I examined my gaping interior. I found that my entire finger penetrated it with ease. This inspection amused me and would have certainly produced results had not a discreet knock on the door made me hasten to cover myself up, and I resumed a decent position.
My visitor was Helene. She found me fresh and gay and, after kissing me, we chatted like two sisters while I dressed.
My pretty aunt treated me as a woman and invited my confidences which I did not refuse her. When I told her that I had spent four times, while Charles had delivered himself of a single emission, she made an impatient movement; it was very evident that the paucity of my husband's virile force compared with my own, surprised her.
The day passed; my husband, a keen sportsman, went shooting game and, for my part, I went out walking with Helene. Dinner united us and, in the evening, we played music until it was time to retire.
This was the third night of our married life. Ah, what a difference from the two preceding ones! Charles put a frightful silk handkerchief around his head, spoke of our approaching departure and of our homecoming, but did not say one word of love, or give me any caresses.
He kissed me coldly, turned over and went to sleep.
I awoke early the next morning and was seized with a desire to examine the male instrument which I had already felt twice and which I suspected was very different from that of M. de Vycabre.
Circumstances favoured me, it was warm, Charles had thrown back the sheet and by good luck his shirt was somewhat rucked up. I pushed the sheet still further down and then, with infinite care, moved so as to see that sorrowful tool that was my only source of consolation.
In truth what a difference, there was from that of M. de Vycabrelittle, stunted-in a wrinkled skin, scarcely could one perceive the presence of its flabby head reposing on his thigh; and from that moment on I believe our fate was fixed.
Charles made a movement, I hastened to turn round and pretended to be asleep. He got out of bed first, as usual.
Thus the period of our sojourn with my grandmother approached its end and we began our proper married life together. Certainly I was not happy, though my husband loved me as much as his cold nature would permit. My beauty enchanted him and he refused me nothing that I could wish for, but all this did not suffice me. It was not this that I had dreamt of. I desired an ardent love, voluptuous and lascivious, for which I was ideally suited, but I
