my forward behaviour. Whether this was to Lord Alfred's delight or chagrin I cannot tell, but it was to my own inexpressible confusion, and I was on the point of tears. I stood dumbfounded and foolish before everyone. I did not want any more whipping (I was still sore from what I had had), nor did I wish to lose the evening's enjoyment. But they started off for the next dance, and poorly I had to march off.
CHAPTER 13
I knew by the stern glance which Mademoiselle threw at me across her partner's shoulder, as he led her gracefully away into the swimming mazes of the dance, that there was no hope whatever of mercy. There never was as far as I could see! Was it not enough to torture me with the birch, to mortify my manhood with the imposition of feminine dictation to such an extent as almost to crush it? Was it necessary to cause the cup to overflow by the addition of gratuitous wrong? It really had not been my fault. My indignation knew no bounds. However, there was no help for it, and if Mademoiselle caught me there, when the waltz brought her round to that part of the room again, I knew my fate would be worse, so I slunk off in a very sullen mood to my bedroom.
I certainly heartily agreed with Mademoiselle about Lord Alfred's deserts. But then, why was she so unjust?
It was all horrid affectation on her part in order to be the more cruel to me!
It was certainly all his fault-entirely his fault, from beginning to end-he had been amusing himself with me, and now I had to suffer! He did not seem to care in the least and made a joke of it.
What horrid, selfish, despicable creatures men are! I should never have expected it of him!
In my bedroom I was quickly joined by Elise, to whom Maud had communicated Mademoiselle's orders without loss of time. She came with indecent promptitude and haste in order to execute them. I am sure she was only too happy to have the opportunity!
How can I relate what happened? The reader can easily guess all!
Elise pretended to be in a very severe and magisterial, quasi-judicial mood; treated me just like a big naughty girl, and was conscientiously deaf to all the expostulations and explanations which appealing to her sense of fairness, I rapidly and breathlessly gave her. I did not want-I felt I could not bear-any more punishment. My only chance to escape lay in persuading her to let me off. I might as well have tried to persuade a hungry dog out of its bone. She came into the room with a large old slipper in one hand, smacking her other hand with it to give me a foretaste of my fate.
She took off my dress and drawers as callously as though she were a machine, alas-a slapping machine-and then sitting down on the couch, she laid me across her lap, getting me well under her left arm. She turned my petticoats up to my waist and smacked my bare bottom with the old slipper till I roared for mercy and struggled frantically. I was between her legs, her right leg confining mine, and she must have enjoyed my struggles and what they shew her. They were certainly useless for any other purpose, as I could not get free. I thought my cries and the sound of the blows must be audible in the drawing room. Smack, smack, smack! Yah! Yell!
When she had quite tired herself out, which was not until I had been smacked black and blue, she let me get up. I walked wildly about the room, with my hands clapped to my back to ease the pain, which was very bad. But even this consolation was soon to be denied me, and it was an unfortunate gesture, for it suggested further torment to her. She flourished the slipper and threatened me with a second edition, if I did not hold my noise, as she elegantly expressed it. And then suddenly noticing how I was endeavouring to alleviate my pain, she declared that she felt certain my hands had been in mischief also, and that she would make them smart too.
She compelled me to hold them out one after the other, and gave each of them two dozen sharp stinging blows with the same slipper with all her force, a most exasperating quiet smile playing on her face. I longed to knock her down. My arms tingled up to my very shoulders, and I was mad with pain, when she had done. As she had anticipated, I had no longer any desire to place my hands at my back. I danced about the room, clasping them together, and to her amusement tried everything I could think of to stop their throbbing without much success. However, she contented herself with this, and did not again attack my bottom, for which I was most thankful. She announced that she had the satisfaction of giving me a thorough and well-deserved punishment, and that there was nothing which could have given her greater gratification; and putting the slipper down, she then proceeded to completely undress me. When this was done she slipped over my head a long, laced, embroidered, feminine nightdress of Mademoiselle's, which made me feel very immodest. Possessed by this feeling I looked tenderly at the smart winsome maid, and pressed the back of one of her hands to my lips. Surprised for a moment, she said she was pleased to find I could take my punishment properly and be grateful for it.
As reward, she pushed me backwards across the bed, and standing close to it, between my legs, leant down right over me with her arms twined round my back and her bosom on mine, and kissed my lips five or six times, lifting her head and looking affectionately into my eyes between the kisses. The contact of her warm rosy lips was very agreeable indeed, and I enjoyed the long lingering wet kisses extremely. The close proximity and weight of her person gave me intense delight and had a most soothing effect on me. She made no bones about deliberately pressing herself against me, showing that she did not hesitate to recognise, and to let me know she recognised the fact of her intimate closeness and of her lying between my legs, keeping them even inconveniently wide apart. The lower part of my body was quite helplessly exposed to whatever crushing she chose to bestow on it with the corresponding portion of her own. And that was no small amount; the pressure was designedly heavier and more constant there. She wriggled and ground herself against me, especially when in the act of kissing me, exactly as I must have done against her as she was whipping me in her lap.
The notion of the three days to be spent 'under her' was suggested by my position, and now recalled itself to my mind, devoid of most of its terrors. Indeed, the prospect seemed rather pleasant; but I was reckoning without recollection of the weight of her arm, although I had just experienced it, and was also ignorant of the exquisite cruelty in which she revelled, and of the many ingenious devices she possessed for exercising it.
If that bandage had only been removed, I should certainly have enjoyed 'my reward' much more. It was very much in the way; besides which, it enabled her, when she clasped me closely, to press me yet further down, in exactly the contrary direction to the natural one. This caused me positive pain. I have not the slightest doubt she knew it; but to such an adept in the art of mingling pleasure and pain, the fact could only be an additional source of gratification.
It is true she had taken off the corset to which the bandage was attached, and I had had hopes that I was going to be freed from it. No such luck. She replaced it, fastening it even more severely than before, by means of a band round my waist underneath my nightdress.
After some quarter of an hour had been spent in this tantalising fondling, Elise made me stand up, and producing a broad leather belt with three or four small straps to fasten it, she buckled it very tightly round my waist outside the only garment I had on. At each side of this girth, just over the hip, two narrow straps were sewn. I could not conceive what these were for. They curled outwards in a menacing mode, and I felt sure portended nothing good. My suspicions were soon confirmed. They were to confine my wrists. In a very matter-of-fact style Elise took hold of each of my wrists and buckled them tightly one to each side by means of these straps.
'There,' she remarked complacently, 'your hands must be kept out of further mischief, and I don't see how they can get into it now. And you may thank your stars that I do not slip a strap through your elbows and draw them together at your back. I will do so next time. Get into bed!'
In my helpless state, deprived of the use of my arms, I accomplished this feat with difficulty. My hands were so rigidly fixed that I felt as if in a vice. The only use to which I could put my arms was to flap them against my sides, and that did no one any good and was ridiculous into the bargain.
Added to this, there was the restraint of the other bandage under my nightgown, so that altogether I really did not feel my own self. The sensation was quite novel, and I did not know what to make of it. I had much to put up with, for if I had made any sign Elise would surely have punished me smartly. I could have made good use of my hands. I wished for one thing to rub my bruises; besides, I hated being confined. Mademoiselle had not ordered it. I wanted to have free use of my hands. In my own bed surely I might have loosened that unnatural bandage, surely I might sleep as I pleased. Yet here they were, fixed so absolutely that I might just as well have been without hands
