I was trying to understand her reasoning for telling me the story, and where we were going. My guesses were leaning towards Samuel’s headstone, and she was trying to explain the immeasurable the loss a person goes through when they out live everything around them. But she would’ve outlived her baby whether she was a vampire or not. It had nothing to do with the choices she made.
“Nevertheless.” Mae was staring straight ahead, her knuckles turning white from the way she gripped the steering wheel. “Philip, bless his heart, stayed by my side, when a lesser man might’ve shipped me back home for my parents to deal with. Eventually, I managed to pull myself out of the depression and go on with my life. I got a job at a deli to keep myself busy and made a few friends. And then, one day, I decided it was time to start trying for a family again.
“Being pregnant was the most miraculous thing that ever happened to me. To feel this little life growing inside me…” She looked rather blissful, but her gaze got harder when she turned to me. “That’s something you’ll be giving up, you know. Vampires can’t get pregnant. They don’t have children. You will never have a family if you choose this life.”
“I don’t think I want kids anyway.” I had actually thought about it very little, but for the most part, the idea of having a child didn’t sound that appealing.
“Well, you might change your mind when the option is taken away from you,” Mae replied thoughtfully. “It’s just something for you to think about.”
“I will,” I promised her, but I doubted that it would affect my decision at all. Even if she was right, if someday I regretted never having children, I could only make the decision now, based on my current state of mind. And right now, having children didn’t seem that important.
“The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life.” Her expression stretched into a deep smile, and her eyes filled with happy tears. Just remembering the birth of her daughter made her swell with joy. “She was so beautiful. Her eyes were huge and blue, just like Philip’s. And she had these soft, downy curls, the same as I had had when I was born. I remember the first time I held her in my arms, and the soft warm weight of her body… I promised her I’d never let anything bad happen to her.” She exhaled heavily, and the sadness started seeping into her eyes.
“I decided to name her Sarah, after my mother.” She wiped at her cheek, trying to catch a tear before it fell. “Everyday with her was absolute heaven. I’m sure every mother thinks their child was perfect, but she really was. She rarely cried, and she woke up every day with this beautiful smile on her chubby cheeks. And she learned so quickly. I had quit my job at the deli just so I could spend as much time with her as I could. Every moment with her just seemed so absolutely precious.
“One night, I was preparing supper, and I realized that we were out of milk,” Mae went on. “At the time, we had a man who would deliver milk in glass jars to our house, but with having a toddler in the house, we went through milk faster than normal. Sarah was almost two, and I had stopped breastfeeding not long before that. Philip had just gotten home from work, and he worked long hours at a factory, so I didn’t want to send him back out. Besides that, the corner market was only two blocks down and it was a beautiful night. I remember that I had been wearing this beautiful spring dress with blue flowers that I’d made from a pattern. It was one of my favorites, and I had been meaning to make a smaller version for Sarah just as soon as I got more fabric.”
She hesitated before she spoke again, and I almost thought she might not go on anymore. Whatever she had meant to tell me had become too painful, but finally, she continued.
“He was so attractive that I would’ve gone with him anywhere,” Mae said bitterly, but she was angrier with herself than him. “I had barely made it a block, and then he just appeared out of nowhere. I don’t suppose you really know what its like since you didn’t react to Jack or anyone that way, but I was in love with him instantly. In retrospect, he probably wasn’t half as attractive as Ezra is, but to my human sense, he was an Adonis. So I never even put up a fight. When he led me away into the trees, I was too intoxicated by him to even think of Sarah.
He sunk his teeth into my neck, and I thought for sure I was dying, but it felt so good, that I didn’t even care. I should’ve been pleading for my life, for Sarah, but I just…”
“You couldn’t do anything,” I tried to comfort her. While I had never been in the exact same position, I knew how impossible it was to think when a vampire wanted your blood. They were made so you’d give yourself freely to them. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“But I loved her!” Mae insisted fiercely. “I just wanted to spend the rest of my life watching her grow up and being a part of her life! But instead I went into a patch of trees, and let a vampire bite me. He drained me, but then instead of leaving me to recover and go back to my family, he offered his arm to me. He said I tasted too good to waste on a human life. I didn’t understand what he meant, and I was still completely under his spell, so I did I was told.” She smiled painfully and rolled her eyes at her own ignorance.
“I had a choice!” Her voice broke sharply. “I’m the only one that did. Ezra was forced into it, and Peter and Jack were done to save their lives. But me, somebody asked me. I didn’t understand what it meant, and yet I agreed to it.
Willingly.”
“But you couldn’t have known.” I thought about reaching out to touch her, but she was too angry.
“For two days afterwards, I laid in the trees, afraid to move,” Mae went on. “Your body is attacked by the virus, and everything is changing and dying and moving. You’re weak and in pain, and I had no idea what was happening to me. Then finally, my strength returned, only much more brilliantly then it had before. And this unquenchable thirst. All the while I had been writhing pain, all I had been able to think about was Sarah and how much I wanted to get back to her. But as soon as I felt that hunger, I knew that I could never go back to her. I couldn’t trust myself.
“Within my first few hours as a vampire, I nearly killed our neighbor, I was so hungry. But after that, my bloodlust calmed down, and I felt safe enough to just check on my daughter. I hid in the backyard and peered in through the window. Before I even got near the house, I heard Sarah crying. Philip was carrying her around trying to calm her down, and he said, ‘I know you miss your Mama. But we’ll find her. She’ll come back to you.’” Fresh tears were streaming down her cheeks, and the car started to slow. We were on a suburban street I had never seen before, and Mae parked on the side of the road, underneath a tree.
“I slept in the woods during the day, and at night, I would sit outside the window and just watch Sarah. She cried for me every night for a month. Philip had the police searching the area for me, so I had to be very careful so no one would spot me.” She sighed heavily. “I lived that way for over six months. I wore the same dress, and mostly, fed on our neighbor, since he was nearby and he had been taken with me. If Ezra hadn’t found me, I don’t know what would’ve become of me. Maybe I’d still be living out behind that house.”
“What happened to your family?” I asked quietly.
“Philip eventually remarried a girl I had known from the deli. She was very kind, and I’d like to believe that she was good to him. They had two more children together, and Sarah eventually started calling her Mom. I don’t know if she even remembers me anymore. It’s probably better if she doesn’t.”
Mae nodded towards a house in front of us, and I saw the silhouette of an older woman it the window. She was carrying a small child, a little boy, on her hip, and she looked happy. There was something familiar about it, and I couldn’t quite place it. Then it dawned on me. Her hair graying wavy hair, pale skin, and even the way she smiled — they were all Mae’s.
“That’s your daughter!” I gasped, looking over at her.
“It is.” She looked pleased that I had been able to see the resemblance.
“She’s a teacher. She used to be married, but her husband left her years ago.
Ezra threatened to teach him a lesson, but I told him not to. Sarah has to live her own life. She’s fifty-four now. She has a daughter, Elizabeth, and that little boy on her hip, that’s her grandson, Riley. My great-grandson.” She smiled painfully. “During the week, she watches her grandkids until eight, while Elizabeth works and goes to school. Riley’s three, and Daisy just turned five.”
“So you just come out here and watch them?” I asked.
“It’s the only way I got to watch her grow up,” Mae explained sadly.
“When she was little, I would come into her room at night and watch her sleep. I even did that a little while with Elizabeth, but Ezra says that I need to start letting them go. I can’t spend my entire existence stalking my great grandchildren and my great-great-grandchildren. Sarah has a wonderful life, and I should just be happy with it. Or at least that’s what Ezra says.”
“It sounds like he’s right.”
