you ignoring me? At least she still cared, which I actually found to be kind of surprising.
There were three from Milo, and I was reluctant to read them. I didn’t want to think about him being alone in that apartment all the time. Lately, I’d been forcing him to be by himself a lot anyway, but this was different. I’d at least been there some of the time, and he had known that he wasn’t completely alone. Now it was just him and very rarely Mom. He didn’t really have any friends, and on top of that, he had his current issues with his sexuality. It was a very cruel time for me to leave him.
Are you done going to school now?
Mom asked about you. She’s worried. Maybe you should apologize to her now.
I’m worried too. When are you coming home?
I groaned and pulled the covers back up over my head. How would I answer that? I was probably never coming home, and I’d probably never talk to him again. But I couldn’t exactly say that. I didn’t want to. Just yesterday, I’d promised he’d be in my life forever, and apparently, that was a total lie.
“Are you up yet?” Jack asked sunnily, and I assumed he was standing in my doorway.
“Define ‘up.’” Even though it was the middle of the evening, it still felt way too early to be getting up and dealing with all of this. When Jack had saved me from being murdered in that parking garage, I had never banked on how stressful that would make my life, or maybe I would’ve let him leave me there with them, taking my chances.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” The bed heaved suddenly as Jack jumped into it, and I lowered the covers enough so I could peek out at him. My room was completely dark except for a light from the hall, and I could just barely make out the cocky grin on his face. “Morning, sunshine.”
“If you’re gonna be this cheery, you can just go away,” I grumbled, and he laughed warmly.
I hated how wonderful his laughter sounded and the way it filled me with pleasant tingles. I didn’t want to be pleasant. I wanted to be grumpy and stay in bed all day, avoiding the world until somebody else made a decision for me.
Having a choice in something as major as the rest of my life was far too much of a responsibility for me.
“Didn’t sleep well, I take it?” He propped himself up on his elbow so he could smirk down at me.
“I slept great, actually.” My phone was still in my hand, so I reached my arm out and extended it towards him. “Milo texted me.”
“I see.” He took the phone from me and scrolled through the messages.
“Jane still talks to you? I thought you were over her.”
“I was never under her. We just eat lunch together at school and stuff,” I brushed off his disapproving tone. “Never mind her. That’s not what has me all depressed.”
“You didn’t reply to him.” Still going through my phone, he looked puzzled.
“What could I possibly say to him?” The question sounded rhetorical, but I really wanted know.
“Whatever you want.” He shrugged and handed me back my phone. “He’s your brother.”
“Ugh, you’re no help!”
“Are you going back home?” Jack asked quietly.
“No. I don’t know.” I looked away from him. “I have no idea what I’m doing!”
“Why don’t you just get up and take a shower? You’ll probably feel better then. Besides, you don’t have to decide anything right now.” He rolled out of my bed and looked at me expectantly. “Come on. Get up.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I admitted and slowly pulled myself out from underneath the covers.
“You know, I really wish you’d catch onto the fact that I’m always right.”
To encourage me to move faster, he flicked on the lights, and I squinted at the sudden brightness.
“Get out of here so I can shower.”
My bedroom had an attached bathroom, so I shooed Jack out when I started getting my clothes together. Like the other rooms, I had a massive closet, and my paltry wardrobe looked pathetic in there. Mae had offered to take me shopping, but their generosity was overwhelming, so I declined.
They had the most amazing showers ever. There were all sorts of gizmos and gadgets and satellite radio. There was even a remote control to work all the shower heads. I couldn’t figure any of it out, so I just listened to Beethoven and had random spurts of hot water all over me. I’m sure I could ask Jack how it worked and he’d explain it to me, but it sounded really silly to tell someone that their shower was way too advanced for me, even if it was true.
After I finished getting ready, I laid down on the bed and tried to think of a way to respond to Milo. Even if someday I would have to phase him out of my life, I wasn’t quite ready for that day to be today. But that didn’t mean I was ready to move back home and pretend like nothing was happening. Life as I knew it had changed, and I couldn’t go back and act like things mattered when they didn’t. Milo still mattered, but school didn’t, curfews didn’t, rules didn’t.
“Are you done?” Jack knocked on the door, then pushed it open without waiting for an answer. He leaned on the open door and grinned at me. “You’re already back in bed? You just woke up.”
“I’m not sleeping. I’m just thinking.” I had my phone in my hands, and I was just staring at it, as if it could magically come up with an answer to all my life’s problems.
“Well, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m here to interrupt your thoughts.” He opened the door wider and stepped inside a little bit, so I could see past him.
Looking rather sheepish, Milo stood in the doorway and gave me a half-wave. “I thought you could use the company.”
“Milo!” I sat up and smiled at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Jack called and asked if I wanted to come hang out with you for awhile,” Milo shrugged and slowly walked into my room. “I hope that’s alright.”
“No! Its great!” It wasn’t until I saw him, his nervous brown eyes and his chubby cheeks, that I realized how much I’d missed him. I’d only been gone for two days, but since I’d barely even seen him when I was at home, it felt more like a lifetime.
“I think I’ll give you guys some time.” Jack started backing out of the room, and I smiled gratefully at him, but he just nodded and shut the door behind him.
“Nice digs.” Milo admired my new bedroom, and I knew he was thinking the same thing that I had; it was surprisingly me. “Did they do this for you?”
“I think Mae did some redecorating or something,” I shrugged. My understanding was that she’d entirely redone it for me, but that was too creepy to tell people. They didn’t understand that she’d waited her whole life to decorate a girl’s room.
“So, how are they treating you?” He sat tentatively at the edge of the bed, afraid that I might kick him out at any minute for invading my privacy or something.
“Really good. They seem really happy to have me around.” I twirled my phone in my hands, watching Milo carefully. “How’s Mom?”
“Good. She misses you, I think. I mean, she won’t say it. But she wants you back at home.” When he looked at me, his worried eyes looked sad. “Are you gonna come home?” Then he cast a derisive look around my room. “Nah, I guess not. This is probably all too much to pass up for our little apartment.
There its just me. Here, you have Jack.”
“It’s not like that.” Guilt rushed over me. I pictured Milo sitting sadly in that apartment, making exotic meals just for one, and I wanted to cry.
“Then what is it like?” Milo demanded. He wasn’t angry; he just wanted to know what was going on with me. “To be honest, I was a little surprised that you and Jack had separate bedrooms. Or is that just for show?”
“There’s nobody to show,” I grumbled, avoiding his insistent stare.
“Alice, why are you here?” he asked wearily.
That was the question at the heart of it all, the one that I couldn’t precisely answer. As much as they’d given me the run around of being “meant” for Peter and “bonded” with Jack, and to a lesser extent, Ezra, none of it was really a suitable answer for Milo. It just like I was supposed to be here, with them, but an answer like that would only lead to more questions.
“It’s just where I want to be for now,” I finally said. It didn’t sound good enough, and I could tell by his expression that it wasn’t. “They’re really nice to me.”
“And I wasn’t?” Milo retorted, sounding a combination of hurt and incredulous. “I mean, if you’re not with
